Random Organization XIII Stories
by Grey Soldier
Summary: Discontinued.
1. The Death Melon

Bonded with Flame: I'm doing this cuz I'm bored.

Drek: That or he got sugar high.

Bonded with Flame: (ignores) Anyway this is story 1, The "Death Melon" Organization XIII. It all started on the disco world of Dance Dance Revolution…

* * *

"Remind me why we came here," Axel moaned. He was with Demyx and Luxord. 

"Cause we're invading here. Got it MEMORIZED?" Demyx mocked Axel. It had been Demyx's idea to come here.

"My line!" Axel said indignantly "Grrrrr…." they continued walking until they came to a building that Axel had never seen before.

"Ooh, a night club," said Demyx.

"Yes, let's raid the people there of their munny," Luxord said. Luxord was the Organization's personal munny maker, for obvious reasons.

"Sure…" Demyx said. The entire group walked in. Axel found this place very loud and annoying. Kinda like Demyx, he thought to himself.

"Yes… a poker section. Later," Luxord said. He then walked off into the poker and quickly started racking up a lot of munny. Meanwhile Demyx had started to dance.

"Why do you entertain yourself in pointless diversions?" Axel questioned.

"They aren't pointless they're fun," Demyx protested. Right after he said that he slipped on a puddle of water.

"You're right, for the first time ever in Organization XIII history," Axel said. "Say, this is a Kodak moment…" He pulled out a camera and took several pictures

"You're gonna inflate those and post them all over the internet," Demyx said getting to his feet.

"Naturally," Axel replied. Luxord came up to them.

"Hi. I got 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999(keeps going for ten minutes straight.) munny. These people are suckers.The only problem is my bag of holding ran out of space. Can I borrow both of yours?" he asked

"Sure," Axel and Demyx both said. Luxord then walked back to the gambling room. Then all of a sudden Axel felt extremely happy. The reason being that he had just learned that the people here do play good music.

"_Burn, baby burn, disco inferno! Burn baby burn, disco inferno,"_ Axel sang along with the lyrics. He noticed Demyx wincing. Was his singing that bad?

"No! Dance water dance!" Demyx said arguing over the lyrics.

"No! Burn baby!" Axel argued back. This went on for quite a while.

"How about Burn Water Burn?" Demyx suggested.

"Sure," Axel replied absent-mindedly.

"Does that even work?" Demyx questioned.

"Yep,"Axel set a puddle of water, that was coincidentally the puddle Demyx slipped on, on fire.

"WHOA! How'd ya do that?" Demyx asked in awe.

"Oil fire."

"Oh crud!" Demyx yelled.He sprayed water at it but it made it bigger. Axel then saw Luxord walking back over.

"Hi guys, I'm ba-"Luxord slipped and his cards fell in the fire. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My Uber Organization XIII Premium Ultra Platinum Plus Edition XIII Collector + Nobody cards! Oh well, I've still got my Edition XIII Kingdom Hearts Premium Ultra + cards."

"Geez, how do you remember all that?" Demyx asked.

"PUT THE FIRE OUT!" Luxord yelled at Axel.

"But why?" he said, "the fire has feelings too!"

"PYRO!" Demyx yelled.

"And proud of it," Axel proudly replied. Luxord was still rambling about what other decks of cards he had.

"...And I still have my Premium Ultra Zelda's Harmony official card set, and my Harry Potter + deck," Luxord continued, counting on his fingers for each time he said a name.

Some guy named Ted walked up. "Whoa- You have those?"

"Yeah with the suite of Hufflepuff, Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. Why?" Luxord asked.

"Just checking," Ted walked off.

"Weird…" The fire caught Luxord's cloak on fire. "EEEEP! Get it off!"

"Oooh, a Kodak moment." Axel said. He thenpulled out a camera and took a photo.

"JUST GET IT OFF!"

"Why?"

"Because I'll give you some of my munny! NOW GET IT OFF!"

"Okay,"Axel said happily,"it's gone, munny?"

"Here..." Luxord grumbled.

Demyx sighed, "You're not happy, because?"

"My cloak is BURNED."

"And you have 3924 more in your room?" Demyx pointed out.

"Good point." He warped and came back 4 seconds later.

"I 'borrowed' Xemnas's Uber platinum + Bag of Holding.He was taking... a nap.When I'm done we should be able to finally buy that Death Star at "Toys-R-Us," Along with that Death's Tar stuff. It's 100 Guaranteed to kill all Keyblade masters." Luxord said happily.

"Yesss!" Demyx pumped his fist in the air.

"Later!" And so Luxord went to the gambling room… again.

* * *

A DAY LATER… 

"I filled up Xemnas's Uber platinum + bag of holding! It's impossible to fill one of those up!" he got his cellphone dailed the number for Guinness Book Of World Records."Hello, Guinness book of world records? It's Luxord- you know the guy who set the world record for winning the most hands in a row? Like, 333,339,822,879,472,990,540,479 hands in a row? (Say that number and I'll give you a cookie.)

The guy on the phone responded by saying the following statement. Make sure to make it sound like an old geezer who's worked WAY too much."Sorry, but nobodies can't set records. New standards. Unless you're a Heartless. Then you're just SCREWED."

"What! What's the big idea!We're sort of people too!" He hung up, "Hey guys, I've found our next world to invade."

"Good, but let's blow up this world before Demyx makes us go here every day and night." Said Axel glaring angrily at Demyx.

They all called some Nobodies.

"Okay, Gamblers. The idea is to suck the life out of the world not suck the munny out of it." Guess who.

"The Dancer with the most kills gets their own PS2, complete with Dance Dance Revolution Extreme 2. Remember, there's a free dance pad."

The Dancers and Gamblers ran off and started to destroy everything. The Assassins didn't seem to do anything.

"There are lots of people in this world." Stated the only Organization member who was there. That seemed to get the Assassins going. They ran off and pillaged.

* * *

They then went to the Guinness Book of World Records studio. 

"Since I really don't wanna go in there I say we send Nobody ships at it." Axel said, obviously bored.

"Good idea." Luxord said, obviously bored as well.

Annihilation commenced.

"How about we go to the Pride Lands?" Luxord asked.

"No, that's where Sora is. I really wouldn't like to die," said Demyx. Demyx had already survived one encounter with Sora, and he didn't want another.

"But think of what cool creature we would be!" said Luxord.

"Forget it. Let's go back to The World That Never Was," said Demyx and Axel. Luxord looked dissapointed

"Okay..." Luxord mumbled.

"I'll stop at "Toys-R-Us," Demyx said.

"Whatever," said Axel, who obviously didn't care.

"Munny please," Demyx asked.

"Here ya go," said Luxord, handing the bag to Demyx

"Thank you," Demyx said.

"There should be enough for a Death Star, 2 things of Death's Tar, and 1 plushy for everyone in the organization. I hear they've got a special on Keyblade plushies…" Luxord said.

"Cool. Catch ya later," Demyx walked over to his Gummi Ship and set off. Luxord and Axel looked at him

"He can just teleport…" Axel mumbled while opening a portal to the World That Never Was.

* * *

MEANWHILE IN THE WORLD THAT NEVER WAS… 

"Hey Larxene. Hey Larxene. Hey Larxe-" Roxas was cut off by Larxene's angry scream.

"WHAT?" she yelled at Roxas.

"Do you know how to play Magic: the Gathering?" Roxas asked

"You kidding? I forced them to make the Thunder land type," she said smugly.

"Oh, I figured that was where it came from," Roxas said.

"You two talking about Magic cards?" Luxord had just came back from the World Records Studio.

"NO!" Larxene and Roxas both yelled. The number one rule in Organization XIII was don't play any game of chance with Luxord. Xaldin found that out the hard way.

"Dang, I wanted to test out my artifact deck…" Luxord said.

* * *

AT "TOYS-R-US"… 

"All right a Keyblade for Roxas, this weird thunder elemental for Larxene, a rose for Marluxia, a card for Luxord, a water droplet for me, a bomb (a fire shaped monster in Final Fantasy) for Axel, a moon for Saix, a changeling plushie for Zexion, a tomahawk for "The Silent Hero" a snowflake for Vexen, a spear for Xaldin, a lasergunthat actually shoots nerf bullets for Xigbar and finally a light saber for Xemnas, oh and a Death Star and two tubs of Death's Tar," Demyx listed off. The clerk looked bewildered.

"That would be $49,078,365,410.99. Will that be cash or charge?" she said. This was the biggest sale "Toys-R-Us" had ever made.

"Cash," Demyx said. He started dumping out the munny. It took almost an hour. The clerk looked at the munny with dismay.

"We don't accept munny. We accept money, but not munny," the clerk said. Demyx thought for a moment.

"Yeah, but the exchange rate is 1,000 dollars to a munny. WHAT NOW!" He yelled at the clerk. The clerk looked extremely happy.

"Thanks. I'm rich!" she said. But Demyx was dissapointed. He still wanted the munny.

"Hey look a Distractasaurus-Rex!" Demyx pointed over to the Barney section.

"Where?" the clerk turned around. Demyx then shoved all the munny in Xemnas's bag of holding,

Demyx stole the money."Sucker!" He then made a quick teleport.

The clerk then proceeded to do what seemed like a very bad Darth Vader impression.Vader didn't take breaths. This guy did. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breath)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO(breath)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

AT THE WORLD THAT NEVER WAS…. 

"Hi guys. I'm back." Demyx had returned from his shopping trip.

"Whad'ya get? Whad'ya get? Whad'ya get? Whad'ya get? Whad'-" Larxene was cut off by an annoyed yell from Roxas.

"Shut up!"He hit Larxene on the head with hisKeyblade.

"Owwww… " She moaned. Then she fainted.

"Anyway. To answer Larxene's question, I got plushies! I got a Keyblade for you, this weird thunder elemental for Larxene, a rose for Marluxia, a card for Luxord, a water droplet for me, a bomb for Axel, a moon for Saix, a changeling plushie for Zexion, a tomahawk for "The Silent Hero" a snowflake for Vexen, a spear for Xaldin, a lasergun for Xigbar and a light saber for Xemnas! And I still have the munny!" Demyx handed out the plushies.

Roxas looked oddly at his Keyblade, Larxene tried to suck the thundery power out of the elemental, but found there wasn't any, Marluxia hugged his flower, Luxord saw that the card was a suicide king and Axel lit his bombon fire, but the bomb then came to life. His reaction to that was "cool!"

Saix went berserk because he thought Demyx had confiscated the real moon, to which Demyx replied, "Uh-oh." There was then a chase. In the end of it, Saix ended up soaked, and Demyx was scarred. "Does anyone know life magic?" He asked, "Please?"

"I don't think so. Anyone got a potion?" Apparently Saix did, but he was busy hugging his moon to care.

"No! Demyx confiscated my moon, he shouldn't live!" Saix growled angrily.

Axel pointed out the ever-famous Distractasaurus-Rex (Barney) , and pinched the potion from his pocket. "Here."

"Thanks." Demyx chugged the potion.

Vexen was taking notes. "Let's see, if Saix fell for that..." he muttered, "Oh, look, the Moonyear Blimp!"

"Where?" He exclaimed excitedly.

"There!" Xaldin poked him with a spear. "Oh yeah, how did you get the munny back?"

"I kind of stole it back."

Larxene got up, and decided more annoyance was in store for the Organization. "YAY! YAY! YAY! YA-"

"Keep shuttin' up!" Roxas hit her again.

"Owww… Owww… Owww… Owww…Oww-"

"Will you just shut UP? Let's duel!" Roxas was obviously annoyed.

"Okay. Okay. Okay. Ok-" She was pushing it.

"That's it!" Demyxused hissitar as an axe and sliced herhead off.

Larxene wasreally a robot.

"I was wondering when you'd catch on." Another Larxene, presumably real popped in.

"Wondering… wondering… wondering… wondering…wonde-" Apparently the robot did not want to shut up.

"Shut up!" Yet another Larxene popped in.

"I'm really Larxene's nobody, Exralnex!" The almost real Larxene was her nobody.

"Do they ever end…" Demyx moaned.

"See, Vexen made me a Heartless for the matter of 1 hour!" Said the real Larxene.

"Yeah, she tried to steal my heart-"Vexenchecked hisnotes,"-341 times, on the 342nd time, she finally figured out I don't even HAVE a heart, and stopped."

"I was a slow Heartless." Larxene pouted.

"It was an interesting experiment. I found out Nobodies can have Nobodies." Vexen said in his usual monotonous voice.

"Ha-ha, you are slow." Demyx was mocking Larxene.

"Like I said, I was a slow Heartless." Larxene said angrily.

"Ooh, I wanna have a Nobody! Turn me into a Heartless!" Xigbar shouted.

"Sure. There's just one problem. We don't have hearts to begin with, so we must call our Heartless something different. I say… The Heartless That Never Were…" Vexen contemplated.

Everyone agreed to that.

* * *

AT VEXEN'S LAB… 

"Okay, step in there." Vexen was instructingXigbar to do random stuff like eat weird concoctions that tasted like potato chips, and do 1,072,947,847,539 pull-ups and get a drink of diet vanilla cherry lemon caffinated Pepsi every time he did one.

Xigbar stepped in. "Just a question, why'd you make me drink that Pepsi? All I can say is that it was actually kind of appetizing. Got any of that canned spamfrom when we raided Wal-Mart?"

Vexen looked rather green, "How can you like Pepsi? About the Pepsi... it contains evil chemicals. See, Pepsi is actually run by Heartless."

"Ah."

"Would you like a second, a minute, or an hour? Or a day?"

"I like to live dangerously. A day."

"Frankly, I don't. A minute."

"Grrrrr…"

Vexen started to type. "Commence… operation… Heartless… with… Nobody. Done." hepushed button. There was a dark flash of light and Xigbar got comsumed by it. When it cleared up Xigbar was all black and had a Heartless insignia on his chest. He leap at Vexen, to be knocked back by the cage bars.

Then suddenly a man who lookedexactly the same as Xigbar appeared."What's with that creepy shadow dude?" he asked.

Meanwhile Xigbar was still ramming the cage bars. "NYAH!" he cried.

Vexen then poked Xigbar with random stick he found. "Back in your cage!" he yelled. "Xigbar's Nobody, what's your name?"

"Braxgix," he said. He thenshot Xigbar with tranquilizer dart.

Xigbar apparently had a high resistancetotranquilizers because he yelled one last"Nyah," before falling asleep.

* * *

AFTER AMINUTE PASSES… 

Vexen startedpushing somebuttons. "Commence… Re-Nobody… operation… go. Done." Braxgix looked over his shoulder.

"Dude, why didn't you just press that undo button?" he asked. Vexen looked at him.

"I look smarter if I press more buttons," the cage door swung open and Xigbar walked out.

"Hi, Braxgix. You're like, ME!" Xigbar said. Vexen wondered what he had done. He had made TWO Xigbars?

"Dude, I know!" Braxgix said back to Xigbar.

"Hey dude,the other Organization dudes are waiting in the lounge!" Xigbar said.

"Excellent!" Xigbar and Braxgix then proceded to to a lame Bill and Ted impression while Vexen stared at them.

* * *

AT THE LOUNGE… 

"Hi Braxgix!" said everyone but Saix and Xemnas. They were checking out the new Death Star. The results hadn't been promising. It turned out that it was and "educational Death Star," which required you enter the answer to a complicated math problem before blowing up a planet.

"Hi ya'll!" Braxgix said back. Xaldin was going to give the new recruits the lowdown on the Organization.

"Okay, let's see…The initial kit for all Organization members… You get one Magic: the Gathering deck, a cool cloak, a cool element, a really cool weapon, the ability to laugh at other people when they die and a freaky hair style of your choice. It's Organization standard." He pointed at Exralnex."You get the element of death, and a rod." He turned at pointed atBraxgix, "You get the element of nuclear power and a Yo-Yo."

"A YO-YO!" Braxgix yelled indignatly. Xaldin shrugged.

"I thought that the cool element would make up for the lame weapon,"

"That's besides the point. Who fights with a yo-yo?" Baxgix yelled.

"I do…" said Ness, who had randomly appeared.

"You shouldn't be here!" Exrelnex yelled."DIE!" Due to Exralnex's mastery of death, Ness then dropped dead with his final words being, does this mean I won't be in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?

"Fine," Xaldin said irritated."You get… nunchaku!"

"NO WAY!" Braxgix said loudly. "Those are nerd weapons!"

"That was kinda the point..." Xaldin said to himself. "Okay how 'bout infinite kunai?"

"Hey, that's mine!"Larexene growled.

"No, you have wolverine claws," Xaldin reasoned."They're different."

"No, they're kunai."

"No, they're wolverine claws."

"No, they're kunai."

"No, they're wolverine claws."

"No, they're kunai," said a random Rexnd who appeared.

"SEE!" Larexene yelled. She then turned to the Rexnd."Wait, where'd you come from?"

"Oops," the Rexndsnapped his fingers, and disappeared.

"How about a ball and chain?" Xaldin said turning back to Braxgix.

"WHAT!"

"How about rapier?" Xaldin was wondering if there were any other weapons. Braxgix snorted.

"Rapiers are for wusses," he said.

"I beg to differ mate," said Jack Sparrow who had randomly appeared out of nowhere.He then proceded toPWNBraxgix for calling his weapon lame.

"After seeing that display of OWNAGE I want a rapier!" Braxgix yelled, getting up off the floor.

"Okay, we'll have one shipped to you in thirteen days or less, or your rapier's FREE!" Xaldin said.

"I have to pay?" Braxgix said puzzled.

"Shipping," Xaldin explained.

'I've got 100, 200, 300, 400, 500… 549 munny," Braxgix said pulling it all out.

"Pay up," Xaldin said extenting his hand. Braxgix gave it to him. "Good, now let me show you two to your rooms..."

* * *

AT THE DEATH STAR… 

"Fire when ready, Saix," Xemnas said. They had finally succeded in answering a question, with a little help from Vexen and Zexion.

"Yes, commander. Wait, what are we firing at," Saix said, his hand over the button.

"Hmmm…" Xemnas looked at the planet."It's green, and it has monkeys."

"Yay kill!" Saix loved killing creatures of all types. He did however have a strict ban on killing elves. Saix pushed thefire button only to have...

"1gn0r4n7 uZORz. A11 80w t0 My 1337n355. 411 4r3 n00BZ," said a metallic voice, coming out of the control board.

"What the heck!" Saix yelled. He had never heard anything like that speech.

"We must dispatch Organization members to take care of this "1337" program," Xemnas said."We will send Zexion and Xigbar. Zexion uses the CPUs; Xigbar shoots everything that needs shooting, which is everything but Zexion." He called Zexion and Xigbaron his premium Organization XIII cell phone. Theyimmidiately went over to the warp area and got beamed into the computer.

* * *

IN THE MAIN CPU… 

"Oh, a computer terminal," Zexion said. He walked over and startedentering a complex string of commands."Override the math junior learning program. Also deactivate "SAFE MODE" and MCP "1337n3ss"

"Huh?" Xigbar said. He hadn't heard about the Death Star problems.

"It's an educational Death Star. I really don't get it," Zexion said not taking his eyes of the computer.

"Oh. Scary," Xigbar said staring around the strange computer walls.

"3y3 d0n'7 Ph331 1ik3 it," said the echoing voice that belonged to the MCP.

"What?" Zexion asked.

"SXr3w jOO n00Bz. Jo0 pH3e1 t3h p4in 0f 1337n355." Heartless then started popping out of little holes in the ground.

"Time to try out the new weapon," Xigbar pulled outhis plushie gun. Zexion snickered but Xigbar paid no attention. "DIE!" he yelled. The plushie gun shot out little Nerf balls that bounced of the Heartless. Xigbar was confused. "Huh? Screw this," he saidpulling outhis real guns. "Okay, Heartless. DIE AGAIN! Zexion why aren't you fighting! Where's your weapon?"

"I left it at home, Xigbar," Zexion said."But I can use my awesome karate moves."He then showed off some amazingly impressive moves and obliterated a swarm of Heartless."Sucker!"Zexion yelled. Then he got a reallly good idea. "Hey MCP. You know the world you wouldn't let us blow up? It's full of pink bunny rabbits."

"P1nK BunNy R4bb175 MuST D13!11!11!10101," yelled the MCP.

* * *

And that is why Deep Jungle didn't return for Kingdom Hearts II.

* * *

MEANWHILE… 

"I feel a strange disturbance in the Force," said Sora. He sat down and let Donald pilot the Gummi Ship."It is as if a thousand monkeys cried out then stopped."

"Sure, whatever," Donald said.

"Look a star's exploding," Goofy said pointing to the sky.

"No that was a light bulb burning out,"said a Moogle who wastraveling with Sora, Donald and Goofy.

"Look a moon!" said Goofy pointing to a round object in the distance.

"That's no moon. It's a space station," said Sora ominously.

"No, it looks more like a melon," said Donald. Donald's eyesight was weird since a Shaman in Pride Lands threw blue fire at his eyes.

"Then it must be… the DEATH MELON!" Yelled Sora.

"Are you feeling anywhere near sane today, you whacko," said Chip.

"Good thing we're retiring," said Dale in his usual strange voice.

"Uhh guys we're being sucked into the…. Death Melon," Goofy said. No one really paid attention though.

"Happy days!" Yelled Chip happily.

"Happy days!" Dale agreed. Sora then got beamed out ofhis seat into the Main Computer System.

* * *

BACK IN THE COMPUTER WORLD... 

"Look, a weird floating head!"said Sora pointing at the MCP. "I'm gonnakill it!"

"LOL. J00 c4nn07 b347 m3 n00B5. D13," said the MCP. He proved his point by pummeling Sora with all his power.The MCP was certain it would win."J00 r T3H PwNzOrZed L0L L0L!1!1!"

"Gah! Die!" Sora yelled. At that exact moment Zexion and Xigbar came rushing into the room.

"Wait… how'd Roxas get in here?" Xigbar asked Zexion.

"Huh?" Sora said, distracted. Big mistake. The MCP took that time to practically knock him unconscious.

"No, Roxas had better reflexes," Zexion said to Xigbar.

"Uhhhgggghhh..." Sora mumbled. "As of now, I am weirded out. Period."

"If you aren't Roxas, you're Sora!" said Xigbar"DIE!" Xigbar shot several shots at Sora.

"Owww…" Sora thenfainted. Zexion took that moment to stuff Sora into hisbag of holding.

"Finally! MCP is dead!" Xigbar yelled. Zexion looked scathingly at him.

"You were killed him for a matter of five seconds," Zexion said. Xigbar twirled his guns around.

"I'm just that good, aren't I?"

"N0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000!" the MCP yelled as it disintegrated.

* * *

AT THE WORLD THAT NEVER WAS… 

"Where am I?" Sora said. He felt woozy and there seemed to be something tugging at him.

"You are trapped in the pit of amillion fangirls," said Xemnas, whowas watching through atiny window in the wall."MUAHAHAHA!"

"SORA!" Came a voice from all around him. Sora got up and saw at least one million fangirls squealing at him.

"SCREW YOU ORGANIZATION XIII!" He yelled at the wall. The fangirls then decided to start stealing his stuff."AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Yes! He is trapped! This is better then that Death'sTar.Zexion, you are PROMOTED!" Xemnas said to Zexion.

END OF STORY ONE.

* * *

Narrator: Will Sora ever make it out of The Pit Of A Thousand Fangirls? Will Zexion even get promoted? Are Donald and Goofy still existan- 

Bonded with Flame: (has borrowed a Gunblade, and hits the Narrator with it) It's called "the end" for a reason! DIE! (starts chasing)

Drek: Ooh, a chase! DIE!

NoBody Commander: I give myself co-author credit for translating this chapter out of script. Muahaha!

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Tron, EarthBound, Barney (Thank God), Dance Dance Revolution,Super Smash Brothers Brawl,"Toys-R-Us," Star Wars, Magic the Gathering, X-men, Guinness Book of World Records, Nerf, Pepsi, Spam,Harry Potter and Legend of Zelda. 


	2. The Floating Chibi People

Bonded With Flame: Hi peoples. The next chapter is up.

Riku fangirls: You didn't give us a part and allow us to have fun pulling at Riku's hair! DIE!

Drek: and here we witness Bonded with Flame's mad matrix moves. He narrowly dodges a soccer ball thrown by her, then cross-punches her. This ain't happening. Kirana, where are the 5 bucks.

Kirana: Humph.

* * *

Axel was lounging in his fiery pit. With lounge chairs. He was about to drift off to sleep when in the corner of his eye… 

"What the heck is Sora doing in my room?" Axel was infuriated, but remembered what his anger management coach (Xaldin) had said.

* * *

FLASHBACK…… 

"Alright Axel, it's time for another day of anger management," Xaldin said, walking into the room.

"**I DON'T NEED ANGER MANEGMENT! WHICH EVER LOSER SIGNED ME UP FOR THIS WILL DIE A FIERY DEATH!" **Axel screamed at Xaldin. Xaldin sighed.

"I signed you up," Xaldin admitted. "You have to control your anger. When we invaded Sylvarant you got really angry at that girl who tripped over your foot. You burned the entire village to the ground!"

"**WHO THE #$&# CARES IF I BURNT IT! IT ENDED UP BEING A GOOD THING!"** Axel yelled. He summoned his fire disks and readied them. Xaldin waited ten seconds and then spoke again.

"Axel, what's your response when you get angry?" Xaldin asked. Axel was sort of disarmed by that question.

"Burn stuff."

"What would a good goal be?" Xaldin said. Axel thought for a moment.

"Burn nothing but people." Xaldin mentally counted to ten and then got an idea.

"Here's a suggestion Axel. When you are angry, count to ten," Xaldin said calmly. Axel was pretty angry right now so he tried it. When he was done he was amazed. He wasn't angry anymore!

* * *

BACK IN THE PRESENT…… 

Axel counted. All of a sudden the amazing passive powers of counting to ten worked a miracle, and he didn't feel angry.

"Okay Sora. Back in the pit." He stated calmly. "Or would you rather be eaten by rabid beast monkeys, which are also fangirls of you?"

"NOOO! Anything but that!" Sora yowled. Sora had a strange fear of monkeys ever since Rafiki 'accidentally' shot a bolt of thunder at him. The other animals on that-I-hate-so-much list were warthogs, hyenas, and whatever the heck Timon is, as Timon and Pumbaa and turned out to be Heartless, and hyenas for obvious reasons. He also had started to distrust floating chibi people, as Rikku had 'Relieved him of his material goods.'

"So back in the pit?" Axel asked.

"Yes…"

Axel opened a portal and pushed Sora in it.

* * *

MEANWHILE IN TWILIGHT TOWN NOBODY CREATION STATION… 

"Good… Good… The arms a little off, but good… fine… Ooh! Jackpot! Dusk with 8 arms! That beats Xigbar's record of 7!" Zexion was inspecting Dusks as they came through the Creation line. "Wait a sec…" Zexion stopped the Creation line. "Aren't you three a little bit short for Dusks?"

"Dang it, Rikku!" came a voice from a zipped mouth.

"Quiet!" came another voice.

"Told you we should have used Creepers instead," came a surprisingly calm voice from another.

Zexion unzipped the zippers on the costume. "Holy spam cans, Roxas! It's Rikku, Paine and Yuna!"

"Really?" Roxas asked. He walked over. "So it is. So it is."

"Yuna, what do we say?" Rikku hissed to Yuna.

"Eh… Bahamut!" Yuna yelled. A giant dragon-human thing appeared to defend Yuna.

"This should be good." Roxas pulled up one of those lounge chairs that seem to be everywhere.

"No problem." Zexion pulled out a stick. "EDEN!" Eden then floated down to protect Zexion.

Rinoa randomly appeared. "But I thought I had Eden junctioned!" She whined. She was made chibi too. If you want to know why it was because I felt like it.

"I summoned the Aeon. You have the GF." Zexion pointed out.

"Oh, okay. I get it… I think." Rinoa said oddly. She then realized something. "Quick! His compatibility with Eden is zero! Raid him!" Rinoa yelled.

"Um… Rinoa? Aeons don't have compatibility." Rikku told her.

"Oh… they don't?" She tilted her head.

"Oh, don't worry. His summon time will take another hour or so," Roxas told the four chibi people, "And he tends to mess up and summon a chocobo. Or a shoopuf."

They made off with all of the things in Zexion's pockets. They found a gum wrapper, asparagus, a deck of fast food cards, presumably Luxord's, a certificate that had all the lyrics to Sanctuary, Simple and Clean and Passion, a Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix, and the fire materia. Then Roxas used his Chibi Trapper 3000, made by Vexen, to trap them. It was pretty much a big metal ball with a whole lot of treasure inside.

"Dude, Zexion? You can stop."

"Can't stop unless I screw up."

Roxas kicked Zexion.

"Thank you."

"We're rich!"

"Ughh…" Zexion moaned. He longed to shove them in his bag of holding. "Where is it… hey it's gone!"

"Gee, you think?"

"Ah well." They teleported to Vexen's lab.

* * *

AT VEXEN'S LAB… 

"What is the order?" Vexen asked.

"We have 4 chibi. They are all Gullwings, and they raided Zexion's pockets." Roxas said.

"Gotcha." Vexen replied. He went to his computer and started typing. "There. It'll be for a minute."

There was that same eerie black flash of light. What they saw in the cage were three Heartless Valkyries, and a female Luna bandit that had six more arms.

The chibi nobodies were beamed down. "Hi!" The one that looked like Yuna said, "I'm Xyanu, but please call me Xy." She said. "They are Xikkru, Xinora and Pinaxe."

Xy seemed like Yuna in pitch black armor. If you've seen Yuna's dark knight armor check it out. That's what she was wearing. Rikku's nobody was wearing a breast plate and short leg armor. Xinora was wearing a dress that parted on the sides, and a top that resembled Yuna's top in FFX, only it had sleeves. And Pinaxe looked like Paine.

"What are with the people in the cage?" Xikkru asked. They were lashing out, trying to break free. They did.

"What!" Vexen was surprised. "Roxas help, and keep them in." Roxas came over and started slashing at them. Xy started to slash with a sword that had a large blade, and a cool hilt that had the Nobody sign in the middle. Xikkru pulled out a sword and started slashing, Xinora pulled out two pistols took aim and shot, and Pinaxe just watched because she wasn't in the active party.

The ATB bars randomly appeared. Xikkru appeared to be agitated. She cast Hastega and the fight continued for ten seconds. The Heartless appeared to be PWNED.

"Haste, haste, haste, haste…" Xikkru chanted. The Almost Gullwings were exchanging hi-fives.

"Okay, Vexen?" Roxas said tapping his shoulder. "The Gullwings work for treasure, which we have plenty of. If we run out, Luxord can always go to some random world."

"Okay." Vexen started to type on his CPU, but when he hit enter, it seemed to be blocked. "Ah, crud. Anyone know light magic?" Roxas raised his hand. Vexen seemed bewildered.

"Dude, that's GIRL magic!" Roxas turned a bright shade of pink.

"Well I do admit in all the Final Fantasy games that all the White Mages are girls, I use light magic, not curative magic." Roxas said embarrassedly.

"Crud." Vexen said looking defeated. "Any of you?"

Xinora raised her hand.

"Why didn't you raise it when I asked if anyone knew light magic?"

Nixora shrugged. "You said light magic, not curative."

"Well, heal the Heartless now."

"Why? They don't seem to be afflicted with a disease. Except for the fact they're Heartless." Vexen gave her the look that said you know exactly what I mean; you're just being a pain. Xinora seemed offended. "I'm not like Pinaxe!" she exclaimed.

"Just !$ heal them!"

"But they aren't afflicted with a disease." Nixora said, confused.

Xikkru poked Xinora. "I think he means heal them from the Heartless state."

Xinora looked agitated. "He could have said that!" She snapped. The almighty power of snap made the Heartless the chibi people they were.

Apparently they were dizzy. They all flew straight in to the chibi trapper again. Maybe it was because they wanted more treasure. Even I, who am controlling this fan fiction, do not know.

"Well, you little thieves, come on." Roxas said. He opened a dark portal. "There is lots of treasure in that portal, and it is all just sitting there, waiting to be put in that bag of holding under Xy's arm."

"Yay!"

* * *

MEANWHILE IN THE ORGANIZATION CPU ROOM… 

Zexion was trying to teach Lexaeus to use a CPU, with disastrous results. "Okay Lexaeus. It's time for you to learn intellectual skills."

"Lexaeus smash computer."

"Lexaeus… you aren't the Hulk."

"Lexaeus don't care."

"Anyways. Let's start by turning on the CPU."

"Lexaeus smash!"

"No, press that freakin button right the-" There was a lot of smashing, and annihilating with earthy power.

Zexion wrote something in a notebook. "Computer 3,023,032,740,238…" Smash! "Oops, 3,023,032,740,239."

"LEXAEUS SMASH COMPUTERS!" he screamed. "NYAH!"

Zexion conjured rabid beast monkeys.

"Eep! Lexaeus no like rabid beast monkeys."

"Now we continue." Zexion said. "Press that little button, and the computer turns on."

"Lexaeus press button." He did so. "Ooh! Numbers!"

"Alright, now we are at the log-in screen. Press the icon next to your name."

"Why Lexaeus icon pretty butterfly?"

Zexion looked at the computer, it was true, Lexaeus's icon was a butterfly. Zexion looked at Axel, who was supposed to be helping, but was in reality, playing Star Wars Battlefront II. "Ha-ha!" Axel said in triumph. "Hey, Roxas, I killed MadSteVe and 39$!"

Only then Axel realized Zexion was looking at him.

"You think I changed Lexaeus's icon!" Axel said in surprise. "I'm evil, but not that evil!" he went on. "Only Larxene and Exralnex are mean enough to do that."

Zexion contacted Xemnas and gave him the situation.

A loud, booming voice came from the speaker. "Larxene and Exralnex, please report to the CPU room. I repeat, Larxene and Exralnex, please report to the CPU room."

Larxene was there in a flash. "Yeah, Exralnex is dying her hair… some strange color."

Exralnex burst in to the room. She had dyed her hair purple-greenish. "Like the hair?"

Zexion was about to say no, but Axel clapped a hand over his mouth. "It is perfect! It really reflects your personality!"

"Lexaeus like hair." He said, poking a point where it stuck up. Exralnex screamed.

"Later!" she ran away but before she did: "Arlene did it."

"**MY $# NAME ISN'T ARLENE! IT IS LARXENE!" **She screamed.

_Larxene… be calm…_

"Aah! Freaky voice!" Larxene yelled.

_I'm your freakin' shoulder angel!_

_**Sorry, but I, as the shoulder devil, have control of Nobodies. Suckah!**_

"More voices!" Larxene shrieked.

"Larxene… is there a reason you're having hallucinations?" Zexion asked after he scribbled a note down.

**_Tell him he is lame, and he doesn't have a weapon. Then annihilate him._**

"You're lame and you don't have a weapon." Larxene said, as she didn't want to infuriate the "almighty" shoulder devil. "Now die!"

"And here we witness the Nobody massacre." Axel said to Roxas.

"Let's see… 'On the death of 1 young nobody who was murthered, 4:24 P.M., on the 23rd of May.'" Roxas said writing it on a piece of paper. "Think Xemnas will make a historical monument?"

"Possible."

Zexion was fighting off Larxene's knives with a stick. "Now this is what it means to fend off people with a stick!"

"Use your weapon, inferior being!"

"This… is my weapon!"

Larxene froze. Zexion took the time to maul her. After the mauling was over, Larxene asked Zexion exactly why he fought with a stick.

"How did you beat me with a stick!" she yelled angrily. "and you were 6 in the organization! And you also recently got promoted!"

"Uhh… Larxene. Behind you."

"MUAhahahahahahahahahas hhahahahahjahahahahahajyskiajehasdakjah." laughed a man behind Larxene. "All your bases are belong to A. Melvin," he said hysterically. He disappeared in a POOF! Zexion then yelled.

"AHHHHHH! IT'S A CLIFFHANGER!"

END OF CHAPTER TWO……

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Here's the list. 

Drek: Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, The Hulk and Tales of Symphonia.

Kirana: AHHHHHH! It's too short! We must make more random references in our next chapter!

Bonded with Flame: On a side note I do own the character A. Melvin and the rabid beastmonkeys, here on called the Monkeys of DOOM!


	3. The Attack of the Fangirls

Bonded With Flame: The next chapter is The Attack of the Fangirls. Without further ado, here's the chapter. Oh yeah, I have a mild case of writer's block and a serious lack of work ethic. One last thing. I am giving my brother co author credit on this story. He's gonna make the next chapter.

* * *

"Axel!" Zexion yelled. 

"Not a director's cut, not a director's cut, not a director's cut…" Axel prayed.

"I up-graded Kingdom Hearts 2."

"Oh Frick."

"I added Super Proud mode!" Zexion yelled happily. "Try it!"

_How can he mess it up,_ thought Axel. He started playing. "Lalala… Passion, opening cut scene… Holy crap! I have to fight Marluxia?"

"His AI sucks, just like his actual intelligence."

"I heard that!" Marluxia snapped. "You're mad my flower ate one of your experiments."

"True…" Zexion said. Meanwhile Axel had just finished Marluxia off and was continuing with the game. It progressed as normal until the part where you have to make Roxas cross the street to get to his friends. An info bubble popped up on the screen.

"Use the left analog stick to make Roxas move. Tilt it slightly to make Roxas walk. . Press o to jump. Watch out for landmines!"

"Huh?" Axel wondered.

BOOM!

"Bree-bree-bree!" sounded the little thing that says: Dude, you're almost dead!

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!" Axel burned a controller. Roxas supplied him with another.

"Don't worry, you get 99,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 potions. Twilight Town's a war zone." Zexion said.

"Who's fighting?" Axel mumbled.

"The mailman clan and the newsman clan."

"Who's winning?"

"The mailman clan has more people, but the newsman clan is higher level."

"Which side am I on?"

"Your pals are hippies, 'cept Olette. She was too calm and peaceful in KH2, so now she's a vampire."

That received a glare from Axel.

"It was late and I was tired." (If you get the far side reference I'll give you a cookie.)

"Who's side is she on?"

"Mailman."

On the game… 'The newsman clans gone too far this time!' Olette tugged.

'Why can't we all peace out, duuuuude?'

'BECAUSE!' both Roxas and Olette yelled.

"I fear to know what you did to the musicals."

"You need a dance pad, a microphone, a PS2 controller and some mad skills." Zexion said, "And more songs."

Axel's mouth dropped. "But…but….but that's impossible!" Axel protested.

"No, you just need some mad dance skills," Zexion assured him. Axel looked away from him and started to battle Seifer, who was a lot older and was dual-wielding gunblades. The upside was Roxas actually had a sword.

"Who's side am I on?"

"Mailman."

Axel had managed to trick Seifer into walking through a land mine. "Haha!" Axel yelled triumphantly. "Just how do I know where the landmines are?"

"You play an insanely complex game of Minesweeper," answered Zexion.

"Ooh!" Vexen yelled. "How do I initiate the game?"

"Press all the shoulder buttons."

"Done." Vexen said.

Axel's jaw dropped. "You completed a 1000x1000 Minesweeper in 3 seconds?"

"You're right, that is a little slow."

"Zexion, show me your file on this game."

"I'm level 99 and did everything."

Axel checked that. "On beginner."

"Ummm… but, but Axel, you're the VG expert!" Zexion protested. "You could beat super Inferno Mario on Soul Calibur 3!"

"SC3, the only game that is a good edit," Axel said, as if he were far away. "You added us, although all your hits were instant kills. However, The Code initiated a defense program that made it so your hits were Matrix-style."

"They somehow knew I would do that."

"You hacked almost all good games." Axel said, kind of irritated. "TOS, Lloyd died, you came to replace him. FFX, added yourself as the best blitzball player who had all stats maxed at level 1."

"I couldn't get past the Psyches!" Zexion wailed, "The people in the cutscene were too hard!"

"It's a cutscene, you put the controller down."

"Oh."

"Hey, why am I supposed to dance through the Struggle?"

"I found that in a time like this they couldn't have a violent tournament. So it's a dance off."

In the game… 'The key shoes are guiding your steps Roxas…'

"That is it!" Axel turned it off.

"Key shoes?" Roxas asked.

"Xyanu, explain to Zexion exactly what he did to your other in FFX."

"Well, he made it so my other was wearing her Final Fantasy X-2 garb, had five more summons, one of which was The Uber Zexionater, her best weapon was Zexion's Stick, which I think you made her primary weapon, and now for overall. You added Zexion the Great as a Blitzball player, and added an awesome boss at Omega ruins called Zexion the Awesome (Not to be confused with Zexion the great,) with way too much HP."

"There's a story behind Zexion the Great-"

"I know, the people in the cutscene were too hard. Shoulda considered that when you made the cutscene playable." Xyanu said harshly.

"Aha!" Axel said sharply. "So that's how he failed!"

"Not my fault! It had to be a self-defense mechanism!"

"You also made it so you could destroy Zanarkand as Sin." Xyanu said annoyed.

"Good times." Zexion sighed.

"It was something off Godzilla!" Xyanu shot back.

"Actually it was." Zexion said, defeated.

Bing-bong! "I have an announcement to make. Sora has escaped. Come to the meeting so we can discuss a battle plan. If you do not come, we will throw you in the pit of a thousand fangirls."

Luxord run by, cursing "I had him !#$&!"

* * *

AT THE MEETING… 

"So how do we get him?" Xemnas asked.

"I HAD HIM FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED!"

"Where is he?"

"I told him to stay still. He won't be there anymore."

"Right… where is he?" Xemnas checked the cameras.

"There he is…" Axel grumbled, "AND HE'S LETTING THE FANGIRLS OUT!"

"And he's stuffing himself in a locker." Demyx moaned. "Why don't we have locker numbers? And why aren't our halls distinguishable from one another?" Demyx was getting more annoyed by the second, "IT'S ALL YOUR FREAKIN' FAULT XEMNAS!"

Exralnex stood up "I could just kill all the fangirls!"

"Why do we have lockers man?" Braxgix said, "Remember when we got infiltrated by Solid Snake?"

"Yup, he stuffed everything in lockers." Xigbar said.

"Xemnas, I have to say I like Exralnex's plan." Axel said.

Xaldin had news however. "The fangirls are opening lockers… and they got the one with Sora."

"SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" the meeting room shook.

"Let's go." Xemnas said, "Bring your weapons."

"Braxgix, your rapier came today." Xaldin said. "It not is hilt to blade balance, but who needs that junk anyway?"

"Dunno man."

* * *

"Hey guys, since we haven't made a bad Star Wars rip-off, let's surround them," Axel said. "One of them is bound to say 'It's a Trap'!" 

"Genius," Roxas told him.

"There they are." Xaldin said.

"LEXAEAUS SMASH!"

"Eek!" They all screamed. One of them attempted to grab the keyblade but it just reappeared in Sora's hand.

"Ambush!" Axel yelled.

"It's a trap!" One of them yelled.

Roxas hi-fived Axel. "Doubl- wait I'm not an anime character. Charge!"

And the rest just watched because they weren't in the active party.

* * *

"Hey can't you guys join as like, guests." 

"Nope, goes against our credo."

"Blame Him!" Zexion yelled. He was pointing to a random guy.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

"There's too many of them!" Axel yelled.

"That's Star Wars too." Roxas said.

Lexaeaus died.

Roxas was scratching his head. "Isn't this K plus? So no dying."

**Screw That.**

Lexaeaus _fainted._

"Now we sound like stupid Pokemon." Axel said. "Annoying things that are exempt from death!"

"Pokemon aren't stupid!" Luxord said.

"So that's what's in the boxes in your room?" Demyx asked.

"No, those are my decks." Luxord said.

"Wow, where are your spare cards?" asked Exralnex.

"In the lockers from the pit of a million fangirls to the Chamber of Dissonance." Luxord replied.

"Chamber of dissonance? Sounds like Castlevania." Zexion said.

Xemnas shrugged. "It is. Castlevania rocks."

"Next Up!" Axel and Roxas had just been mobbed to oblivion.

Demyx, Zexion, and Xigbar went out.

Demyx, Zexion, and Xigbar came very close to death but did not faint, but did not die.

"Okay, now it just sounds stupid." Exralnex said

Larxene, Saix, and Xaldin went out.

Larxene, Saix, and Xaldin passed out.

"Finally a good sounding death type thingy." Braxgix said.

Xemnas went out.

"I am Xemnas and I will be you- Ow, hey stop, Ow! Ah! My hair ow! Ouch!"

Xemnas passed out.

Vexen, Marluxia, and Luxord went out.

They all died.

Braxgix went out sword swinging. However, he was mobbed.

Exralnex readied a spell. However her spell was almost interrupted by a massive swarm.

At that moment Sora got up. "SOOOORA!" They screamed.

"Mega Death!" Exralnex shouted.

But for some reason two-hundred had death proof armor. The other bad news is Sora died.

"YOU KILLED SORA! DIE!"

"Crap!" Exralnex quickly used a Mega-Potion, than was majorly whupped.

The organization members got up and they were really steamed. So they decided to do their signature attack.

"HAILFIRE AQUATISHOCK DARKLIGHT NUCLEAR LANDSKY GRAVIGA NATURE SHAPESHIFTING STOPPING MOON-CRASHER!"

"Oogedy-bleh!" all the remaining fangirls screamed, except for one fangirl who had apparently gone into Xemnas's room of ludicrously awesome equipment.

"Oh crap," Xaldin said. He turned to Xemnas "Why did you create that?"

"That armor makes the fangirl resistant to everything!" Xemnas said. "Except for one thing…" he handed out ear plugs to everyone but Saix. "Saix pretend that you are making cookies." Saix's face instantly lit up and he started singing, badly.

"_I'm happy because I'm making cookies! Yes I'm making cookies…_" Saix sang. The Organization with their earplugs were spared. The fangirl was not as fortunate.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The rest rolled over in their death.

"Hey, what happened to my Nobody?" Larxene asked.

"Um… she should be ok," Axel said.

Exralnex got up. "Hi, what's up?"

"Yeah… wait a minute where's Sora?"

Sora had got up too.

"Oh just check the lockers."

They heard a stream of colorful curses coming from one locker.

"That one," Xigbar said, opening the locker. It was a Sora plushie that had a voice box to make it swear.

"Heyyy… There's a ventilation shaft in this one," Demyx said.

"Xigbar I nominate you, because you can levitate them out of the locker and back into the pit," Xemnas said.

"Whatever man," Xigbar started to crawl down.

"For the love of-"

"Why does it always end, they have to go somewhere."

"Ah, here."

Xigbar was following them until they reached the ventilation room, where he was clobbered by a triumphant Sora.

"Ouch…" Xigbar moaned. "Ouuu…"

"Hah! We got him," Sora said triumphantly to an unknown figure.

"Yep."

"Hehe. And I rigged the other traps when they come," said a female voice.

* * *

OUTSIDE… 

"C'mon in here! All in!"

* * *

INSIDE… 

"Any second now…" said the female voice

Snip! "Aaaah! My leg! My beautiful pretty leg!" Marluxia screamed.

"Shut up Marluxia- Owww! My arm! I can't throw kunai!" Larxene said.

"Yeah you're complaining! These traps ripped off my hair!" Xemnas yelled.

"Hey guys, they're gonna come through the door…" said Sora.

The Organization XIII jumped through a window.

"Grrrr…"

"Rewind." Sora said.

"Right…guard the window and the door."

The ground shoke for a moment and then Lexaeus jumped out of the ground. They rest followed. "Nyah!"

Rewind was cast again.

"Alright then the door the window and the floor!"

They ambushed them with dark portals from above! "Hehe… This is amusing." Braxgix said.

"Rewind."

* * *

IN THE SHAFTS… 

"Y'know, I think he doesn't know we know that he cast rewind," Xemnas said.

"Yep. Door this time," Roxas said.

"Wait," Larxene stopped Roxas.

"Yes Larxene?"

"Use magnet a lot."

"Right…" Roxas cast magnet until he ran out of MP.

"Now we go."

They burst through the door. "Nyah!"

"Aah! Rewind!" Sora yelled. Nothing happened. "What the… I'm out of MP!" He reached into his pockets for an ether but Xemnas knocked him unconscious before he could use it.

"Hah. Back into the pit with you. And you, random traitorous, Organization member who I believe to be Riku!"

"Dang" Sora said, "Logic works." Xemnas turned to the female person who helped Sora escape.

"And as for you Kairi… The pit of a thousand fanboys!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

LATER… 

"Hey Axel."

"Yes Roxas?"

"What was with Saix?"

"You seriously want to know?"

"Well yeah…"

"Brace yourself." Axel said. "It all started when Xemnas sent Saix to destroy a tree, in the middle of a forest."

"Is this the same story as when he got that scar?" Roxas asked.

"No, different. But I can honestly say I had nothing to do with it."

"Any way… So Saix went to this giant tree. There he was supposed to overall raid and take the cookies, but…"

* * *

FLASHBACKNESS 

"Hey Saix," an elf yelled. "We're making more cookies today!" Saix came running down some stairs.

"I love making cookies!" Saix squealed. The old elf smiled.

"I know you do Saix," Saix instantly started making cookies.

"Whenever I'm making cookies, I feel like I have a heart, Ernie Keebler!"

"_Now for some reason Saix took an instant liking to making cookies," Axel's narration droned. "He sent a message to Organization XIII saying he was retiring and spending the rest of his existence with the Keebler elves," Roxas was listening intently._

"_What happened?"_

"_Well obviously Xemnas didn't want his most psychotic henchman making cookies for all his life, sooo…"_

DING-DONG

"Don't screw this up Axel," Xaldin said. Axel and Xaldin were outside the tree.

"I'm OK Xaldin. After those anger management lessons you gave me I feel perfectly fine." Axel stated calmly. Xaldin nodded. The door to the tree opened.

"Hello! My name is Ernie Keebler!" the elf said. Xaldin nodded.

"We would like to speak to you most recent employee," Xaldin asked. Ernie nodded.

"He's making cookies but I'll go get him," he said. Axel's jaw dropped.

"SAIX! COOKIES!" Axel said is disbelief. Xaldin was quiet.

"It's worse than Xemnas said…" Saix then walked through the door. He frowned.

"I thought I sent a letter to Xemnas," he said. Xaldin opened his mouth to speak but Saix quieted him. "I'm an elf now. I like making cookies." Axel noticed his ears were more pointed.

"Come on Saix. You're a murdering raving lunatic, and I respect that!" Axel yelled. Saix turned toward Axel.

"I'm surprised Xemnas still sends you on missions after that Animal Crossing disaster."

"THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT! TOM NOOK WAS ASKING FOR IT! 4,000 BELLS FOR A STUPID LIGHT!" Axel said then he instantly stopped. "One…two…three…" Xaldin turned back to Saix.

"The point is Saix you signed a contract and Axel and I will have to make you come back if you don't come," Xaldin threatened. Saix turned around.

"You and your red haired arsonist better never come back here, or I teach you a lesson like that time on Cloud City." Xaldin looked miffed but Axel was thoroughly ticked off.

"HOW DARE YOU BRING UP THAT MOMENT! YOU AND YOUR STUPID ELF FRIENDS ARE GONNA BURN!" Axel raised his hands toward the tree and shot a huge jet of fire at it. Saix looked shocked and ran back in.

"I GOTTA SAVE THE SECRET COOKIE FORMULA!" He ran back out with a piece of paper. He then knelt down and started crying. Xaldin got a brilliant idea.

"You know Saix, I bet Xemnas would let you start a cookie factory in the dark city by our castle," Saix instantly brightened up.

"You think!" he said excited. Xaldin nodded.

"As long as you rejoin Organization XIII," Saix nodded.

"Only as long as Axel stays five feet away from me at all times," Xaldin shot a look at Axel that said, do it or else.

"Of course he will."

* * *

BACK TO THE PRESENT 

"So that's why Saix hates you!" Roxas exclaimed. Axel nodded.

"By the way... about the Berserkers…" Axel said.

"Yeah…"

"Their hammers double as cookie making tools," Axel said. Roxas looked at him.

"Seriously. They also have no ears, that's how they survive Saix's singing," Axel said. Roxas then asked Axel another question.

"What happened on Cloud City?" Roxas asked. Axel groaned and went back to trying to beat Davy Jones in Zexion's Kingdom Hearts II.

"Ask Xaldin."

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Star Wars, Final Fantasy, Tales of Symphonia, Pirates of the Carribean, Soul Calibur, Super Mario, Minesweeper, Godzilla, Metal Gear Solid, Pokemon, Castlevania, Keebler, and Animal Crossing. 


	4. The Shades of Black

NoBody Commander: This is the first chapter of this I wrote myself. Most of the time I just help Bonded with Flame.

Bonded With Flame: Shut up. You didn't help on chapter 2...

Drek: But he's helped on every other one...

Bonded With Flame: You've turned my OCs against me!

Drek: Right. Nyah! (Attacks Bonded with Flame)

Liri: (Walks in) Hey what did I miss? (looks) Ooh, a brawl! (jumps in)

NoBody Commander:...I'm so glad I don't have OCs

* * *

Random Organization Stories IV

The Shades of Black

"Hey guys," Demyx said walking into the Organization lounge room. "I got a really awesome idea." Axel groaned, partially because Roxas was kicking his butt in chess and partially because whenever Demyx had an idea something bad was going to happen.

"Demyx, if you try to make us do the Macarena one more time I am going to take that CD and feed it to Cerberus."

"No, my idea is better than the Macarena!" Demyx said excitedly.

"That leaves a whole lot left," Roxas said taking another of Axel's pieces.

"Soooooo, my idea is that we should start a band!" Demyx said. Axel looked up from the board.

"With whom?" he asked.

"You, Roxas, Zexion and me!" Demyx said. Roxas looked up as well.

"You can play the guitar and Axel has some experience with drums. What would Zexion and I do?" Roxas asked.

"Zexion can, sort of, play bass and you can sing!" Demyx told him. Axel laughed.

"ROXAS! SING! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Roxas looked away.

"Ummmmm, Axel I can sing…." He said quietly. Axel stopped laughing.

"Prove it," Roxas looked around to see if anyone else was around and then sang all of Nirvana's _Smells like Teen Spirit_. Axel was confused.

"I asked you to sing, not mumble random words," Axel said. Demyx however was thoughtful.

"You sound like…"

"Jesse McCartney?"

"Yeah,"

"Everyone says that."

"Roxas last song you were singing words, right not random stuff?" Axel asked.

* * *

MEANWHILE…… 

"AHHHHHHH! STOP TRYING TO STEAL MY SHOES!" Sora yelled from the Pit of One Million Fangirls.

"But we want it!" All the fangirls squealed. Sora was about to try to fight them all with the Keyblade when he saw a man wearing an Organization cloak.

"I'LL KILL YOU, ORGANIZATION XIII LOSER!" He yelled, running at the guy.

"Hey, Sora wait it's me, Riku," the man said. Sora stopped running.

"Riku?" he asked. Unfortunately for Riku, Sora said this loudly.

"OMG its Riku!" said 75 of the fangirls. They started mobbing Riku instead of Sora. "YAAAAAAAAAY! RIKU'S HERE!"

"Thanks Riku," Sora said. He ran away from the vast mass of fangirls. "I think I'll try that new snake summon I got…" He said to himself. He summoned and roughly five seconds later a cardboard box fell on him.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHERE DID SORA GO!" the Sora fangirls screamed.

"Oh, Solid Snake not snake" Sora said. "Time to go help Riku." He stealthily snuck over to where Riku was and shoved him under the cardboard box.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOW BOTH SORA AND RIKU ARE GONE! THIS PLACE SUCKS!" Screamed all of the fangirls in a single voice.

"Nice job, how do we get out?" Riku asked from inside the cardboard box.

"Last time I got out an Organization member named Lexaeus left the door open after coming in to feed the fangirls but the door isn't open this time…" Sora said. Riku pointed through the small hole in the box.

"There's a computer over there. Maybe…"

"We could go out through the computer world!" Sora exclaimed. "Great idea Riku!" They slowly moved the cardboard box over to the computer until Sora realized the cardboard box only lasted as long as his summon gauge, not very long at all. The cardboard box disappeared with a POOF! And Sora and Riku were out in the open. With one million fangirls chasing them.

"RUN!" Riku yelled. They ran really quickly over to the computer and Sora started hitting random buttons. Riku was skeptical. "That's how you get to the computer world?" he asked.

"It's working!" Sora yelled. Sora and Riku disappeared in a flash leaving behind a whole lot of angry fangirls.

* * *

MEANWHILE…… 

Saix was sitting around in the Death Star with Luxord, who was trying to convince him that he should play Poker with him.

"Come on Saix!" Luxord whined. "I haven't won a game since the DDR World…" Saix smiled.

"That's because no one is stupid enough to play with you since that world."

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Saix glanced at the dashboard. "Xemnas is sending us a message."

"Hello Saix," said Xemnas. "Sora has escaped, with Riku and Kairi." Luxord laughed.

"How the heck did they get out?" he asked. Xemnas shifted from side to side.

"Uhhhhh….by entering the computer world with the computer the fangirls were using to write SoraxOC stories." Xemnas sighed. "Zexion is demoted for putting that computer there… But that's beside the point. I want you to find Sora and his friends."

"How?" Luxord asked. "There's like half a million worlds out there." Xemnas thought for a moment.

"Way I see it you could just fly around destroying random worlds," Xemnas said. Saix's eyes brightened.

"Really?" he asked. Xemnas nodded. "Luxord here is my list of worlds I want to des… I mean I think Sora is on." Luxord looked down the list.

"Monstro… Wonderland… Neverland…Pink Bunny Happy Land…?" Luxord stopped. "Why would Sora be on Pink Bunny Happy Land?" Saix hit him.

"It's called reverse psychology. NOW START THE DEATH STAR!"

* * *

MEANWHILE… 

"Vexen are you even looking for the identity of A. Melvin, or are you just playing Pac-Man or something?" Larxene yelled at Vexen from outside his room. Vexen looked up from his computer causing Pac-Man to run into a ghost.

"!#$&" Vexen mumbled. Larxene heard him.

"FYI Xemnas is coming by and wants to know how you're doin'. Later!" Vexen hurriedly pulled up a Firefox browser and pretended he had been endlessly researching for weeks. Xemnas walked in.

"Soooo… How is the hunt for this A. Melvin man?" Xemnas said, while looking at Vexen's computer screen.

"Ummm…Good?" Vexen said. Xemnas frowned.

"So you think that A. Melvin is on Middle Earth?" Xemnas asked. Vexen looked at his screen. He had gone to Wikipedia and typed in the first thing that came to mind. Then Vexen got an amazing idea.

"Yeah, cause I realized that A. Melvin was an anagram for Evil Man, so I looked for evil people and apart from you the most evil person I could find was the Witch king," Vexen said. Xemnas smiled.

"Excellent. I will send Braxgix, Xaldin and Marluxia to Middle Earth immediately." Xemnas walked out of the room then he turned. "Also would you please send a message to Saix and Luxord telling them that I have located Sora, Riku and Kairi on the Spirit World?" Vexen frowned.

"Which one?" he asked.

"The one with the really big bath house," Xemnas said. "Also ask if they want backup."

"They aren't going to,"

* * *

MEANWHILE…… 

"DEMYX! JUST CAUSE SMOKE ON THE WATER HAS THE WORD WATER IN IT DOESN"T MEAN THAT WE HAVE TO CALL OUR BAND, BELIEVERS OF DEEP PURPLE!" Axel screeched at Demyx. Demyx barely shrugged.

"Any band that has a song called Smoke on the Water deserves to be idolized," Demyx said. All of the band was together, Roxas was scribbling lyrics, Zexion was learning bass and Axel and Demyx were arguing. "Besides, what would you call the band?" Axel replied without thinking.

"The Heartless Nobodies or Shades of Black," Roxas looked up.

"I like Shades of Black," Roxas said. Zexion looked up as well.

"Shades of Black is a cool name," Zexion said. Demyx looked defeated.

"Black doesn't even have shades!" He protested. Axel smiled.

"Majority rules Demyx," Axel said tauntingly. "But if you want you can write our first original song." Demyx pointed at Roxas.

"Then what's he doing?" Roxas looked up.

"Uhhhh well I wrote a parody to a song…" Axel grabbed it and read out loud.

"Lazy, a parody by Roxas, Original song by Gnarls Barkley…" Axel skimmed down the page. "Roxas, sing this part." Roxas grabbed the paper.

"_I think you're laaaaaaaazy! I think you're laaaaaazy! I think you're laaaaazy! Why…_" Roxas was cut of because the paper had suddenly turned to water.

"Roxas, we are singing real music. Not parodies." Demyx said. Roxas nodded. Demyx smiled. "So Axel... I get to make the first original song?" Axel nodded glumly.

"I guess…" Demyx materialized his guitar. "Let start practice with…"

"If you say Smoke on the Water I will delete you from the Organization database," Zexion threatened. "And I'll delete your file on Sonic Heroes." Demyx quickly changed his mind.

"Uhhhh we're singing…Free Bird,"

"Yeah pick the song with the world's longest guitar solo," Axel mumbled to Roxas while walking to his drums.

* * *

AT A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORLD… 

"This place is awesome Saix! There's like free food and weird black shadow things," Saix looked over at Luxord who was busy stuffing his face.

"I'm pretty sure that the food turns you into a pig…" Saix said slowly. Luxord turned around to face Saix.

"Really?" Luxord said turning the food around. Saix nodded. "WHO CARES!" Luxord yelled. Saix grabbed Luxord and led him away. Luxord struggled but then stopped. "Hey look, Sora and his friends are over there."

"So it would seem," said Saix dropping Luxord. Luxord jumped to his feet.

"Let's ambush them!" Luxord said excitedly. They ran over to Sora, Riku and Kairi, who had taken them moment to argue whose Keyblade was the coolest. Luxord looked to Saix.

"Smith," Saix said. Luxord nodded. They both slipped on shades and jumped out of the shadows.

"Mr. Sora. Surprised to see us?" Luxord said.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Sora yelled. "It's the Agents! I knew the world was a Matrix!"

"Sora you idiot, it's some Organization losers," Riku said. Sora calmed down.

"I knew that," he said. Sora and Riku then knocked out Luxord.

"Ha!" Riku said triumphantly. "You're all alone now!"

"True," Saix said. "But I possess a weapon mightier than Keyblade."

"What? Something stupid like your heart or your soul or something like that," Kairi said. Saix smiled.

"Wrong, I have……the Keeblerblade!" Saix pulled out a flowery, shiny, pink blade with an engraving of Ernie Keebler on it.

"That is a disgrace to all of swordery!" Sora yelled.

"That's not a word…" Riku said, averting his eyes from the Keeblerblade's pinkness.

"Quick! Let's escape!" Kairi yelled. Sora nodded.

"Right! Smoke bomb!" Sora yelled throwing a small bomb on the ground. After thirty seconds the smoke cleared and Saix saw they were still standing there.

"You idiots! When you throw the bomb you're supposed to run away!" Saix yelled at them.

"Oh, that would make sense," Sora said. "Oh well. TRINITY LIMIT!" After several minutes of flying Keyblades, pretty lights, and utter pwnage, Saix was out cold.

* * *

LATER… 

Luxord woke up to see a really big face staring at him. He lazily got up and noticed that Saix was staring at him. He looked around and saw he was in something that would resemble an oriental office.

"Who the heck are you?" he asked the lady with the really big head. "And why have I just realized that this entire world is anime style?"

"I'LL ASK THE QUESTIONS!" the lady said. "My name is Yubaba, and you are an outsider who was found unconscious near my bathhouse." Luxord realized what world he was in now.

"Yes, I am so sorry. But we can make it up." Luxord said. Saix looked over at him and debated between shutting him up, or seeing if he actually knew what he was talking about.

"Really? How can you help me?" Yubaba said. Luxord confidently smiled at her.

"We can help you kill the Great Forest Spirit."

"WHAT!" Yubaba yelled at him. Saix grabbed Luxord.

"Excuse me a minute," Saix said pulling Luxord out of the room. "You idiot," he said to Luxord.

"What? Was she on the forest's side or something?"

SMACK!

"OW! That hurt, Saix!"

"It better have…" Saix calmed himself down. "Luxord, we are not in the world of Princess Mononoke." Luxord looked confused.

"But everything is all anime and everyone has really hard to pronounce names…"

SMACK!

"I hate you Saix."

"Think a different movie by Hayao Miyazaki…" Saix said impatiently. Luxord thought for a moment.

"Dunno."

"You idiot! We're in a giant bath house! The chief owner is an old lady named Yubaba! The heroine of the movie's name is Chihiro! Where do you think we are?" Luxord thought for a moment.

"Kiki's Delivery Service?"

SLAPPAGE!

"I'll ask again. Where are we?"

"I'm not answering if you're gonna hit me again," Luxord whined. Saix smiled.

"We're in the Spirit World of Spirited Away," Saix explained. "What you should have asked Yubaba was that you wanted a job." Luxord looked at him.

"It's that simple?" Luxord said. Saix nodded. They walked back in. Yubaba was waiting for them.

"I apologize for my friend's behavior. At times he says rather random things," Saix told Yubaba. Luxord caught on.

"I like to eat kittens," Luxord babbled. Saix hit him.

"See what we meant to ask was, we would like a job," Saix said. Yubaba thought for a moment.

"What kind of job?" She asked.

"Guarding the bath house from Heartless."

"Done."

* * *

MEANWHILE… 

"Middle-Earth is boring," Marluxia complained. "The only village we raided had barely any money or people." Marluxia, Xaldin and Braxgix were looking around Middle Earth for signs of the Witch king.

"Dude, just chill," Braxgix said. "Maybe it'll pick up later." Marluxia was not convinced.

"Come on! We all know that A. Melvin isn't here," he whined. Xaldin turned to Marluxia.

"You want to be the one to tell Xemnas that?" Marluxia instantly shut up. They continued walking to Minas Morgul.

"Dude, walking, like sucks," Braxgix said.

"Well what do you propose we do?" Xaldin said.

"I dunno, steal those people's horses?" Braxgix said pointing to a group of three riders. Marluxia looked over at them.

"It looks like a midget, a pretty boy elf, a pretty boy human and some old man. We can take them!"

* * *

LATER… 

"OK, I really didn't expect that they would have weapons. Or Holy-9 and Ultima-13 for that matter," Braxgix said, while waiting for Marluxia's magical healing herbs to heal him.

"Next time we scope our enemies more carefully," Xaldin said. Marluxia looked over at an army marching towards them.

"How about an army of about one hundred grunts?" Marluxia suggested. Xaldin looked up.

"Bingo,"

* * *

ONE SLAUGHTER LATER… 

"That was easy," Marluxia said. They were riding to Minas Morgul on a horse.

"Yeah," Braxgix said. "But if that was so easy then why weren't we able to kill all of those fangirls last chapter?" Marluxia and Xaldin stopped. "What?"

"You just broke the fourth wall!" Marluxia said horrified. "Quick! Make another one!" Braxgix snapped his fingers.

"I made a nuclear one, happy?" Braxgix said. Xaldin nodded uncertainly.

"I get the feeling that something changed…" Xaldin said. "Something horrible, like a plot feature."

* * *

ONE RIDE TO MINAS MORGUL LATER… 

"Yay! We made it though all of Minas Morgul with out losing a life!" Marluxia said. Xaldin snorted.

"What did you expect?" he asked. Braxgix looked at the really big door that was between them and the Witch king.

"Hey we should probably heal and save before we go through this…" Braxgix said. Xaldin nodded. They each walked into the light in turn.

"Ready?" Xaldin asked. Everyone nodded. They walked through the door.

"I have been waiting for you, Organization members," the Witch king said.

"We're here to destroy you." Xaldin said. The Witch king shoke his head.

"I'm afraid that's impossible…" he said. Braxgix smiled.

"I bet behind that cool helmet and weird cloak your some skinny loser twerp!" Braxgix taunted. The Witch king turned to Braxgix.

"Fine, I'll take my helmet off," he lifted his helmet and threw of his robe to reveal…

To be continued...

* * *

KICK! 

"OW!" I yelled. My brother Bonded with Flame had just kicked me.

"Don't end it there!" he yelled.

"Why not?"

KICK!

"Because I said so!" he said. 

"Alright, alright, I'll think of something…"

* * *

It was Richard Simmons…

"NOO! IT CAN'T BE!" Marluxia yelled.

"Yes Marluxia, it's me… NOW LET'S DO SOME JUMPING JACKS!" Richard Simmons said. "One two three four one two three four…" Marluxia twitched.

"Can't…help…but…jump…" he said. Xaldin noticed his struggle.

"No! Marluxia don't join his side! Ignore his offerings of fitness programs!" Xaldin yelled. Richard Simmons noticed him.

"You too Xaldin! Let's get that fat of your body! Eighty pushups right now!" Xaldin stiffened.

"NEVER!" Xaldin yelled. He then did something very unexpected and jumped out the window. Braxgix stared and watched him fly away.

"COWARD!" Braxgix yelled. Richard Simmons turned to Braxgix.

"Come on Braxgix! Join me, and together we will destroy your body fat!" he said. Braxgix pulled out his rapier.

"I'd rather die!"

"That can be arranged," Marluxia said. Braxgix stared at him.

"You traitorous dude," Braxgix said. "I'm gonna PWNINATE you right here and now." Richard Simmons snapped his fingers and a steel cage fell on Braxgix.

"Shoulda pressed K and right," Marluxia smugly told Braxgix. Marluxia then went back to his fitness program. Roughly ten hours later there was a crash as the steel cage disappeared into thin air and the other window broke. There in the empty space was Xaldin, only he had ten spears.

"It's show time Richard Simmons!"

* * *

NoBody Commander: Like the ending now? 

Bonded With Flame: It's cruel but ok...You are aware we're going to be flamed for a cliffhanger.

NoBody Commander: Big deal...

* * *

Disclaimer: We don't own Kingdom Hearts, the Macarena, Final Fantasy, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Anything to do with Richard Simmons, Anything to do with Jesse McCartney, Anything to do with Nirvana, Gnarls Barkley, Deep Purple, or Lynyrd Skynyrd, Metal Gear Solid, DDR, Pacman, Firefox, The Matrix, Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Kiki's Delivery Service, or Keebler. 

Bonded with Flame owns Liri and Drek.


	5. The Flashback Wars

Bonded with Flame: My bro left you at a cliffhanger didn't he? Here.

* * *

Xaldin started to mug Richard Simmons.

"YAA!" Marluxia stopped him.

"I am afraid I can't let you do that."

Braxgix restrained him. Surprisingly some of Marluxia's roses helped.

"You've turned my flowers against me!"

"You have done that yourself."

"You will not take them from me!"

"Your craziness and your lust for jumping jacks have already done that. You have allowed this fitness dude to twist your mind, until now, until now you have become the very thing you swore to destroy."

"Don't lecture me, Braxgix. I see through the lies of the Organization XIII. I do not fear the Jumping Jacks as you do. I have brought fitness, muscles, and stamina to my new body!"

"YOUR new body?" Xaldin cut in, taking a break from trying to kill Richard Simmons. "You have had that one since the beginning."

"Don't make me kill you."

"Marluxia, my allegiance is to Organization XIII, to Dictatorship!"

"If you're not doing jumping jacks with me, then you're my enemy!

"Only you deal in absolutes. I will do what I must."

"That's not freakin' funny! Die!"

They made a mad dash for each other. Braxgix attempted to get Marluxia unarmed, but Marluxia just whaled on him. However Braxgix had blocked.

"How does that thing block my weapon?"

"Video game princible 201." Braxgix said. "How do you think the Soul Eater holds up against Lexaeaus's axe?"

"Don't care. HA!"

Braxgix held up a card with a portrait of him, and a zero in the lower right corner.

"HA! Zero card!"

"Owww…"

"Pin." Braxgix said. "1 of 3, come on now."

However, Marluxia did not abide by these rules. He cut off Braxgix's blade.

"HA!"

"Nuclear Blade, dude."

"$#."

They started dueling again but, this time the rapier was more light saber like. It was blue. Braxgix jumped over him. "That's the power of the Organization."

Marluxia slashed him. "That's the power of fitness. Huh! 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2…"

"Just shut up!" Xaldin used 2 spears to pin him.

Braxgix put up his hands in victory "2 of 3. I won! #15 beat #11! Will I get promoted?"

Richard Simmons ran away.

Marluxia sat up. "Huh… It was weird. I had a close-up dream that was like a scattered present. A scattered present that was like a close-up dream. I wanna poke something…" Marluxia said, "Screw this philosophizing sucks."

"What the &# did he say?" Braxgix said. "That's the weirdest thing I've heard him say."

Xaldin said calmly, "Believe me. It is not the weirdest scenario he's had. Or weirdest thing he's said."

* * *

FLASHBACK WARS: THE PHANTOM FLASHBACK!

Everybody was off on a mission, Marluxia and Xigbar where the only ones there.

"Hey Xigbar, hey Xigbar, hey Xigbar, hey Xigbar, hey Xig-" Marluxia repeated.

"What. And yes you can do whatever." Xigbar said, he was reading the Nobody News. "But nothing to my room. Got it?"

"Don't worry."

Marluxia went to Axel's room. "Yay Flowerize!" It was a Radiant Garden.

* * *

LATER…

Axel walked back from his mission. "Ugh… that took forever." He walked in. they had raided Lounge Chair Land. Xemnas had blown up his last ones. They had got about a million. "AAH! MARLUXIA! GET THE #! OVER HERE, YOU $ $#!" Axel paused. "1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10." He was in control again. Though he still would beat Marluxia to a pulp.

"Do you like it?"

"I don't. Now undo it or I'm gonna burn the room." Axel said.

Marluxia looked hurt. "But it's so pretty…"

Axel burned the place, Marluxia and all.

"Medic…" Marluxia moaned.

"NO WAY." Axel said. He set the place on fire. "There we go. Where to put these lounge chairs…"

END FLASHBACK!

* * *

FLASHBACK WARS: THE ATTACK OF THE FLASHBACK!

"I like you Larxene." Marluxia said.

END FLASHBACK!

* * *

"That really is weird." Braxgix said.

"Tell me about it." Xaldin replied.

"Hey it was Halloween! You're supposed to scare people!" Marluxia protested.

"That's still weird." Braxgix said.

They went to The World That Never Was.

* * *

IN THE COMPUTER ROOM OF SARCASTIC CHAT BOARDS…

"Score. Straight A's." Roxas said.

"Hey. What's up?" Axel asked.

"Oh. Hey man. It's a SeeD online academy. I have straight A's."

"What classes?"

"Literature, Psychology, Swordplay, Magic, Forging, Burning Stuff and Math."

"Burning Stuff?"

"SeeD is a strictly mercenary company. Who knows what you'll have to do."

"Does Xemnas know?"

"Sort of." Roxas clicked on literature.

"Huh? Sort of?"

"He was playing Sherlock Holmes."

"Oh."

* * *

FLASHBACK WARS: THE REVENGE OF THE FLASHBACK!

"By Jove my good fellows! There has been a murder in Organization XIII. And it is a Dusk." A voice boomed over the intercom.

Axel sighed. "It's a frickin' Dusk! Who cares about them."

"Apparently Xemnas." Demyx answered.

"This sucks! He's assigned the entire friggin Organization to search for the murderer." Larxene came up to them.

"Yeah seriously." Roxas said, "I mean he did it so he could go Sherlock Holmes!"

"Jeez." Larxene said.

"Hey… wait would that… yeah. Later." Roxas ran to where Xemnas was.

"Hey Xemnas. I'm in an online SeeD academy. Is that okay?"

"By Jove! You my young Watson have done it! SeeD must have done it!" Xemnas said eagerly, "Come Watson, The Game's afoot!"

Roxas sweat dropped.

END FLASHBACK!

* * *

"Aah." Axel said.

"Yeah but it's not as awesomely weird as what Luxord and Lexaeaus have done."

"Heh. Lexaeaus sucks at poker?"

"No he's actually rather awesome at it."

Axel question marked.

* * *

FLASHBACK WARS: A NEW FLASH BACK!

"Hey Lexaeaus! Poker?"

"Poker? Why yes I shall."

"You strung together a complete sentence."

"When it comes to cards, I must speak my mind."

"Bring it."

The cards were dealt.

"Half in." Luxord said. This was a serious bluff. He hoped Lexaeaus would wimp out.

"I see that and raise you a blue chip."

"You're on."

Luxord had a three of a kind with kings. Lexaeaus had a full house.

"You beat me!"

"Yeah. And?"

Luxord started to cry. "Where's Naminè!"

* * *

END FLASHBACK!

"Wow."

Meanwhile…

"Die!"

Saix and Luxord were doing their job guarding the bath house.

"C'mon man, We know Sora is now elsewhere." Luxord said.

"Point." Saix agreed.

"Saix… It is I Ernie Keebler…"

"Grandaddy? Is it you?"

"Yes it is I."

"Where are you?"

"Up here…"

He floated down.

Luxord stood up. "For Organization XIII!" he threw a steel playing card. It Hit Ernie in the head.

"Remember me." He died.

"!#$! YOU $&& &)&() MAY YOU BURN IN $# $#$!

"Crap." Luxord ran to The World that Never was.

"I'M GONNA GET YOU, YOU &(&( $$#$#!"

* * *

Bonded with Flame: Yeah it was short. Deal with it. This is just to set up for the Halloween special. Okay?

Drek: Yeah. But keep in mind that you're gonna get flamed.

Bonded with Flame: Yeah, yeah…


	6. The Halloween

Bonded with Flame: Yay! It's Halloween.

Drek: Yeah. Why the heck are you dressed up as a Ninja?

Bonded with Flame: So I can sneak in to this chapter.

Drek: You'll never make it past the 4th wall.

Bonded with Flame: Will Liri?

Drek: Heck no.

Bonded with Flame: How 'bout you?

Drek: Likely.

Bonded with Flame: How come?

Drek: (Puts a cardboard box on)

Liri: Hey Drek.

Drek: Shoot.

Bonded with Flame: Yeah? I write this story and I will sure as heck get in here.

Drek: The 4th wall is going down tonight.

* * *

Ding-dong!

Roxas was playing chess with Axel, and had made a really stupid move- moving his queen to a square he thought was safe- and was losing. "What the heck was that?" Roxas asked.

"Our doorbell."

"We have one?"

"Zexion installed it."

"I'll get it." Exralnex said.

"Trick or treat!" There were two Mary Sues at the door.

"Aah!" Exralnex used death.

Jack Skellington appeared. "You broke the laws of Halloween."

"Do I get arrested?"

"…No."

"Then I don't care."

"I am sorry but you should. I am God on Halloween."

"Crap. What are these laws?"

"You must give candy to trick or treaters."

"That's what they were doing? What about Mary Sues, can I kill them?"

"No…"

"Please?"

"Actually I feel for you. Sure."

"Yay!"

"…Yeah. You may rig traps, but they cannot injure or kill anyone."

"This holiday used to be fun."

"I make em' you follow em' if not you die."

"Die? Really? See Zasalamel."

"Well, I give you a pumpkin head. But still."

"Ooh, humiliation."

He walked off. "No Heartless distributing candy."

Exralnex went to Luxord. "Know where we can find candy?"

"Roxas's Mini-Snickers supply?"

* * *

ELSEWHERE…

Roxas suddenly said, "They want my Mini Snickers."

"Dude, I just took your knight," Axel said triumphantly.

"Yeah, sorry."

* * *

BACK TO WHERE EXRALNEX AND LUXORD ARE…

"Nah. Too overprotective."

"Xemnas hid money in some lockers…"

"Yeah, what you won from the DDR world."

"I will get him for that some day."

"So what lockers?"

"Mostly near his Castlevania places."

Xemnas strolled by. "I got all of Dracula's Remains! It took me 3 and ½ years, but I did it!!!!"

"Yeah. What are the locker combos?"

"13-13-13."

"Shoulda figgered."

BING-BONG!

"There's a meeting because it's Halloween, and we need to figure out who is inferior enough pass out candy." Xemnas's voice boomed through out the castle.

* * *

AT THE MEETING…

"Alright. We must find out who is inferior enough to pass out candy. Since I am your Superior, I say Xigbar does it."

"I say Xaldin does it, man."

"Vexen."

"I say Lexaeaus does it."

"Lexaeaus say Zexion do it."

"Saix does it."

"Axel."

"Demyx, you do it."

"Eh, Luxord, you do it."

"Marluxia should do it."

"Larxene you do it."

"Roxas, you do it."

"Exralnex, you do it."

"Braxgix."

"I say- Oh shoot there's no one left. Xemnas does it!"

Every one (but Xemnas) agreed. "AYE!"

"Hey, you can't do that!" Xemnas protested, "This is a Dictatorship!"

Roxas mugged him, "And we're rebelling! No candy distribution without representation!"

Axel paused. "Shouldn't this be a 4th of July special?"

"No, that's not a big enough holiday to have a special on." Demyx answered. "And it's not America everywhere."

"Alright. I'll pass out the #$)( candy…" Xemnas moaned.

"YAY!" Everyone yelled.

* * *

Xemnas got "THE BIGGEST BAG OF CANDY EVER!!!!" By Drek Incorporated.

Ding-dong!

Xemnas got it.

Riku, Kairi, and Sora were there. "Trick or Treat."

"How'd you get out?"

"The fanpeople got bored, and they left the room. See, they made a really big hole in the wall. We escaped through that." Kairi explained. "So if you give us the candy, we'll just go back in."

"You want back IN?" Xemnas thought this was a rather incredulous claim.

"Well, it IS the safest place." Riku pointed out.

"They're everywhere! In fact a mob of some hundred fans are following us." Sora said matter of factly.

"They're on the horizon." Kairi pointed.

Xemnas used a telescope to look. There was an enormous mob of fans. "That isn't some hundred, that's some thousand!" He cried. "About 987,897 I'd say."

"Candy?"

"Yeah, here."

"Thank you." they said simultaneously. They then zipped off to the pit.

* * *

INSIDE…

Roxas had managed to pull off an amazing come back with a bishop, a rook, a knight and a bunch of pawns, an excellent come back considering Axel's queen was still in play, until the last turn.

"Nice move."

"Thanks."

Demyx walked by. "This is boring."

Zexion came too. "Yeah, let's go trick or treating!"

"The only one who is remotely young enough to do that is Roxas, and he'd still look too old." Axel sighed.

"No prob." Zexion said "Alright… What do you peoples want to be."

"Young," Roxas said.

"… I meant costume wise."

"Oh."

"Batman." Xigbar said. He received an odd look from everyone, but Zexion scribbled it down.

"Agent Smith." Xaldin said, and Zexion scribbled it down immediately.

"A chibi person." Vexen said.

"Huh?"

"A small version of my self. C'mon, write it down." Zexion did so.

"Lexaeaus want to be that too." Zexion wrote that down.

"I refuse to let Saix go trick or treating, so Axel?"

"My pet bomb from way back from chapter 1 wants to be a bomb, and I just wanna look like me, but chibi." Zexion scribbled.

"I wanna be Jimi Hendrix!!!" Demyx got an odd look, and Zexion wrote it down.

"I will be myself, but chibi." Luxord said. Zexion scribbled this down.

"I wanna be a pwetty flower!" Guess who.

"I refuse to write that!!!"

"Pwease?"

"NO!!" Zexion wrote 'Psychopathic Flower Pirate' on the paper.

"I want to be a thundery Ninja."

"That I'll do." He wrote it down.

"I just want to be a samurai." Zexion scribbled it down.

"Me, but chibi, I guess." Exralnex said.

"Alright." Zexion scribbled that down.

"Jack Sparrow." Braxgix said.

"Good man." Zexion wrote it down. "Alright… Mass Polymorph!"

The first thing to be heard was Marluxia's ear piercing scream.

"I'm an evil, crazy psychotic disgrace to flowerdom!!!"

"I don't care, you're going as that," said Zexion, who looked like a storm trooper. Xaldin, who now looked like a midget Agent Smith nodded.

"Seeing as Xemnas is handing out candy I promote myself to Organization leader for this mission," Smith said in monotone. Batman (Xigbar) snarled.

"I should be Organization leader," he said. Agent Smith pulled out a tranquilizer gun and shot Batman.

"Give me candy or give me sugar!" Batman said before collapsing. Agent Smith smiled.

"LET'S GO STEAL CANDY FROM THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!" he yelled. Everyone but Marluxia, who was still screaming, agreed and they all left through a dark portal.

* * *

MEANWHILE…

Xemnas was currently in a supermarket buying every single bag of candy he could see because the "biggest bag of candy ever!!!" was really only a little bigger than most bags. He was now getting really ticked off because the cashier was finding it more necessary to mess with her hair than scan his candy.

"Do you think my hair is too long?" she asked Xemnas.

"Don't care, scan my crap," Xemnas responded irately. The cashier looked hurt.

"Big meany…" She mumbled. "You have a nice cloak for Halloween."

"Scan. My. Stuff."

"Where did you get it?"

"Scaaan…. where did I get the cloak?"

* * *

FLASHBACKIFIED

"Gentlemen, to promote unity I believe that we should all wear the same uniform," Xemnas said to the just started Organization. Xemnas had Dracula's tunic, Xigbar looked like a hippy, Xaldin was wearing a tuxedo, Vexen was wearing a lab coat, Lexaeus was wearing a body builder's outfit and Zexion was dressed like a kid. Vexen raised his hand.

"What should it look like?" Vexen asked. Zexion was messing with his computer.

"Zexion put the computer away during meetings," Xemnas said. Zexion looked angry.

"But I just created this thing called E-Bay! It's gonna revolutionize the internet!"

"That's nice, what does it do?" Xaldin asked. Zexion smiled.

"See, people all over the universe can put up stuff for auction, and then people all over the universe can bid on it." Xigbar laughed.

"Dude, nobody is gonna bid on something over the internet!" Xigbar said.

"That's not true!" Zexion said. "Already some guy called Sora is auctioning this really sweet cloak." Xemnas walked over to the computer.

"Looks nice, buy it and make it our uniform." Xemnas said. "All who agree say aye."

* * *

STILL IN THE PAST…

"Hey Riku, someone just bid 23,000 munny on this cloak I made," Sora called to Riku. Riku looked over.

"The person who bid on it is called 'E-Bay God'" Riku said skeptically. Sora was smiling.

"Now I can finally buy those yellow shoes to impress Kairi!" Sora said. Riku snorted.

"Kairi's exact words about those shoes were, 'Those shoes totally have the wrong price,'" Riku said.

"In the language of females that means that she likes them,"

"They cost 25,000! A Flare-G costs less!" Riku yelled, "We could get off this stupid island if we used that money!"

"But I like this island!"

"In five years you aren't gonna say that."

"And I like the shoes, so does Kairi!"

"Whatever…"

* * *

END FLASHBACK…

"So in reality I got the cloak off Sora…" Xemnas mumbled to himself. The cashier stared at him and started scanning stuff, slowly.

"Do you work out or something?" she asked. "Cause the cloak looks good on you."

"Why do you care?" Xemnas replied. She shrugged and continued scanning. Xemnas finally snapped. He jumped over the counter and started scanning the stuff himself.

"HEY! I think that's against work policy!" She said. Xemnas handed her the money and told his nobodies to take all the candy back to the Castle That Never Was.

* * *

MEANWHILE…

The Flower Pirate was working on revitalizing Batman. It wasn't going so well. The tranquilizer Agent Smith had used was created with one of Chibi Vexen's poisons, sugar-free caffeine-free diet clear Pepsi. It was so disgusting that it's actually banned in all 50 states except Texas. Eventually by feeding him a special herb that causes people to go into hallucinations, making them think that Elvis, Hitler and Jimi Hendrix are still alive.

"ELVIS LIVES!!" Batman yelled. "SO DOES HITLER AND MY IDOL!!" Psycho Flower Pirate snorted.

"Jimi Hendrix is your idol?" he said. Batman looked at him.

"Axel's is Shigeru Miyamoto!" Batman protested.

"Shut up. We're missing out on crap loads of candy."

"Fine!" Batman and the Flower Pirate left through a dark portal to meet up with Agent Smith and the others. Agent Smith looked at them.

"You're late." He said. The Flower Pirate pointed at Batman.

"His fault," he said. Batman then noticed that Jimi Hendrix was trick or treating.

"I KNEW YOU WERE STILL ALIVE!!" Batman said running over and shaking his hand.

"Uhhh, yeah," Jimi said.

"YOU WERE MY HERO BACK IN THE SIXTIE'S!" Batman said.

"You wanted to die of drugs?" Jimi said. Batman stopped. Agent Smith made an annoyed sound.

"Hurry up. All his world has is apples and raisins, we're now going to Destiny Islands," Agent Smith said.

* * *

A SHORT PORTAL TRIP LATER…

"Trick or Treat!" said the Organization minus two. Then the man handed out the candy.

"You guys look like the Organization from that reality TV show, Trapped in a Room with Fangirls," The guy said. Everyone stared at the Stormtrooper. Chibi Axel mouthed 'reality TV?' The Stormtrooper changed the subject.

"Who do you think is gonna win the Blitzball Worlds Series?" he said. The man thought.

"The Port Royal Pirates or the Besaid Aurochs, only if they don't fire Nimrook… Why am I talking to you Organization people, GIVE ME MY SON BACK!!!!!" he yelled. His wife came out.

"Maybe it's just a costume. They're kids, and Riku's a teenager," she said calmingly. The man calmed down.

"See ya kids."

* * *

MEANWHILE…

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! We're almost out of candy!" Xemnas screamed. Saix was nearby reading Evil Schemes for Dummies: Intro by Darth Vader.

"Buy some more,"

"It's not that simple!"

DING DONG!

"Trick or Treat!" a nameless Creeper was at the door. Xemnas looked down on it, and squished it. Then, with a sudden WOOSH Jack Skellington appeared.

"You broke rule 1 section 7 of the Halloween Declaration. The punishment for such is a pumpkin head for the rest of this day and the next month," Jack said. He snapped his fingers and Xemnas had a pumpkin on his head. "I must go now; some idiot named Jason thinks that Halloween is a time for blood and gore. Goodbye!" Saix broke out in an evil laugh.

"Pumpkin Face!" Saix laughed, "I have half a mind to carve you!"

"Yes. You do have half a mind."

Ding Dong!

"Saix, find some candy."

Auron was at the door. "Trick or Treat." He was holding out his Sake bottle.

"Aren't you a little old?"

"Aren't your Organization members a little old?"

Xemnas glumly agreed. "Do you want me to fill it up with candy or something?" Xemnas asked.

"No, I want sake."

"Wait. So if the Sake is the treat, then what's the trick?"

Auron pulled out his blade.

"Saix? Where do we keep the sake?"

"It's all up in the hallway of harmony."

"Get it. Now."

"Yes, superior."

Saix threw Auron a jug of sake. "Here." Auron chugged it on the spot. He then spat it in to space, and it hit Atlantis. Atlantis exploded.

"Good Sake." The shrapnel hit Middle Earth, and it exploded too. The entire thing created a domino effect, eventually causing Traverse Town to explode. Auron pumped a triumphant fist. "Been a while since I got that many."

Saix poked Xemnas. "Can we make him an honorary Organization XV member?"

"No."

* * *

MEANWHILE…

"That was too close." Jimi said.

"Yeah," Chibi Axel said.

"If his wife wasn't there, we'd be forced to kill an innocent." Samuroxas said.

"Why do we care? We LIKE doing that!" Thunder Ninja said.

"Point." Chibi Axel said.

They went to the next house.

"Trick or Treat." They said monotonously.

"No candy. It's bad for you." The old lady was sucking a lollipop.

"What do you have in your mouth, miss?" asked a perfectly cute Exralnex.

"Nothing."

Chibi Vexen stared past her. There was candy everywhere. It was a gold mine. Chibi Vexen gave Agent Smith 'the kill her' signal. Smith nodded. He pulled out his tranquilizer gun, and shot her.

"Nooo…… Candy……."

"RAID!" Batman yelled.

"No, commandeer." Jack Sparrow shot back.

"Fine." Batman said.

Samuroxas poked a wall. It crumbled revealing thirty-three mini snickers. "YAY!" he yelled.

Chibi Axel went upstairs. "Hey, let's take her jewelry too! Then it'll be a crime scene and we can just pin it all on Saix!" No one in the Organization especially liked Saix.

"That's a good idea." Chibi Exralnex said.

"What will we do with it… No one really wears any jewelry anyway…" Jimi said.

"Throw it in the ocean!" Smith said.

"Yeah, that's good…" Chibi Axel opened the box. "What the… She only owns Candy Jewelry!"

"Who woulda guessed?" Thunder Ninja said opening her closet. "Whoa! It's a dimensional rift to Candy Land!"

"Excellent!" Batman said.

* * *

10 MINUTES AND ONE RAID LATER…

"Well. We have enough candy." Smith said.

"Yeah. That was almost as good as Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory." Chibi Axel said.

* * *

MEANWHILE…

Xemnas finally finished handing out candy, only to find that he was bored. A thought crept over his mind…

"Hey Xemnas!" Exralnex said.

"You'd better have gotten candy for me…" Xemnas growled.

"Two better. We raided candy land." Roxas said.

"Really! Any lollipops?" He asked energetically.

"Yeah… 35." Xigbar said.

"Gimmegimmegimmegimme!" Xemnas yelled.

"Alright, alright, alright… Here, Xemnas." Braxgix handed him all 35.

"Party!" Xemnas yelled. "Everyone is invited except the pointless NPCs!!!"

"And fangirls." Axel added.

"Yes, those too." Xemnas agreed.

* * *

FIVE THOUSAND PARTY INVITATIONS LATER…

"Dude, this party rocks!!" Xigbar said to Xemnas. "Literally and figuratively." In the background the Shades of Black were playing. After finishing a round of Back in Black they all decided that they needed stage names.

"OK, this is Shades of Black so we all have to be shades of black. I'm Deep Black." Axel said. Demyx looked at the ground.

"BLACK HAS NO SHADES!!!!" Demyx yelled. They had recruited the Grim Reaper for rhythm guitar. He was tuning his guitar, which was shaped like a scythe.

"If we get stage names, I am Dark Black," Grim said. Roxas nodded.

"Quit being a communist Demyx, there are plenty of shades of black." Roxas said. Demyx sighed.

"I'm not going to win this one, am I?" Demyx said.

"Yep, nor the next one, or the one the one after that," Axel said. Zexion tapped his foot impatiently.

"Are we gonna play music or argue over name choice?" Zexion said. Roxas set the band up to play the Black Mage's version of J-E-N-O-V-A and started to play.

* * *

Meanwhile at the bar Saix was busy finding that serving drinks was nothing like making cookies, contrary to Axel's statement. Captain Jack Sparrow kept bugging him for rum and there was a big group of sidekicks complaining.

"This sucks!" Zell said. "I have no one to dance with."

"Yeah!" Kain said. "Stupid heroes get first choice."

"Kimahri not care," Kimahri said. "Kimahri want another beer." Riku nodded.

"What was I drinking when I let Sora have Kairi?" he said.

"Probably darkness," Kain suggested. Leon looked down.

"Why are you here? You're not a sidekick," Zell said to him. Leon chugged another beer.

"My girlfriend is not here at this party. She got taken by the dark portal of doom when we lost Radiant Garden," Leon said. Zell looked over his shoulder.

"You mean the girl in the white dress?"  
"SQUALL?!?" said a voice. Leon turned around. Rinoa was right behind him.

"My name is…Squall. Yeah, it's Squall," Squall said and took Rinoa onto the dance floor. Riku looked down.

"You sure you won't give me a beer, Saix?"

"YOU'VE ALREADY HAD THIRTY NINE!!!!" Saix yelled. Riku just shrugged.

"So, can I have another?"

"Whatever,"

* * *

"ROXAS!! PAY ATTENTION!!" Zexion yelled. Roxas then got hit by Demyx when he decided that then was a good time for a raging guitar solo that definitely wasn't in Zanarkand.

"Owwwww…" Roxas moaned. Zexion picked him up.

"STOP STARING AT NAMINÈ OR WE'LL HIRE **RED XIII **TO SING FOR THE REST OF THE PARTY!!!!" Zexion yelled. Roxas thought for as moment.

"OK," Roxas said. He jumped of the stage and started dancing with Naminè. Axel called a time out for the band.

"Bad news. Roxas left to dance. We need a new vocalist. I called a time out because it will take Demyx seven minutes for him to realize we were playing Zanarkand, eighteen to realize there is no guitar in Zanarkand, and forty two minutes to realize that the crowd is getting bored. Grim, do you know a vocalist?" Axel said. Grim thought for a moment.

"No," Grim said. "But I do know about seventy other guitarists for when Demyx hits himself over the head with his guitar eventually."

BONK!

"I'll go get Jimmy Page," Grim said. He walked off.

* * *

"Ugh, what happened?" Demyx said. Larxene was nearby healing him.

"You hit yourself in the head while trying to play with your guitar behind your head, while back flipping and doing windmills." Larxene said. Demyx considered this.

"Did the crowd love it?" he asked. Larxene smiled.

"They did when they realized that meant that your guitar solo was over," she said.

"Who's playing now?" Demyx asked. Larxene counted them of on her fingers.

"Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Page, Angus Young, Slash, Eddie Van Halen and some guy named Freddie Mercury is singing." Larxene said. "They're performing the world's coolest version of Stairway to Heaven ever." Demyx exploded into fanboyish squeals.

"OMFG!!!!! SLASH!!!!! EDDIE VAN HALEN!!!!!! JIMMY PAGE!!!!!! ANGUS!!!!!! PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE SERIOUS!!!!!!" Demyx said. Larxene smiled.

"I'm not serious, I lied about Freddie Mercury." Larxene said. Demyx ran out and started to head bang to all of the awesome guitar that was happening.

* * *

Meanwhile Xaldin was bored. He had never really liked rock concerts and was disappointed that no one for Queen was playing on stage. So he decided to make things interesting. He walked over to Captain Jack Sparrow.

"I hear that Slash is hiding rum in his top hat,"

"IT SHALL BE MINE!!!" Captain Jack said drawing his sword. He however was so drunk that it instantly fell from his hand. Braxgix quickly pocketed it. Braxgix then walked over to Luxord.

"Let's set up a poker game." Braxgix said. Luxord grinned.

"Excellent, I'll get Lexaeus," he said.

* * *

TWENTY SEVEN POKER GAMES LATER…

"AHHHHHH," said Kadaj. "I can't believe I lost, again."

"Too bad," Lexaeus said. "Play again?"

"You bet!" Kadaj said.

"I'm in as well." Riku said. Kadaj stared at Riku.

"You look like me but with lame hair and less creepy eyes," he said.

"Same to you, except the part about the creepy eyes."

* * *

ANOTHER GAME LATER…

"I am pretty sure that what we are doing is called extortion," Riku said.

"Easy for you to say, you didn't lose more munny than existed playing poker against him," Kadaj replied. They had pinned Lexaeus against the wall and were holding swords to his throat. "Gimme my munny back," Kadaj said.

"NEVER!" Lexaeus yelled. Kadaj raised his sword to defeat Lexaeus…but it turned into a fish.

"WTF?" Riku said. Jack Skellington then appeared.

"Why don't you people understand? Halloween is not a time for killing people," Jack said. He snapped his fingers and both Kadaj and Riku had pumpkin heads. "And I almost have a right to close this party. Xaldin seems to be trying to incite a riot by taking all the rum," Jack said. Then Jack Sparrow walked by.

"WHERE BES THE RUM!!" Jack said. Jack Skellington sighed.

"Unfortunately my Halloween godliness doesn't extend to creating rum," Jack Skellington said. Jack Sparrow swore.

"Xaldin told me than Shlash hash rum under hish top hat. It shall bes mine!" Jack Sparrow said.

* * *

ONE FREE FOR ALL BRAWL LATER……

Everyone was lying on the ground with a pumpkin head. Jack Skellington had angrily departed and The Grim Reaper, being the Grim Reaper, was spared from pumpkin head. Xigbar was the first to wake up.

"Dude…My brain feels like pumpkin guts…I should probably get all the people outta here," he said.

* * *

ONE MASS PORTAL LATER…

Xigbar was looking around at the cleaned up organization party room. All the other members had just woken up.

"What do we do about the pumpkin head?" Exralnex said. Xaldin shrugged.

"Wait until it wears off. By the way Luxord, Xemnas told me finances are now you job. So you need to find the eighteen billion munny to pay for this party," Xaldin said.

"EIGHTEEN BILLION?!?!?!" Luxord said. Axel shrugged.

"Ten billion of that was hiring all of those guitarists," Axel said. Axel turned to Roxas. "Xigbar did a really lame cleaning up job. Clean the rest," Axel said. Roxas pouted.

"But I was going to Tashi Station to pick up Final Fantasy XII!" Roxas said.

"WE CAN END THE CHAPTER NOW!" Xemnas screamed.

* * *

Disclaimer: We don't own anything. (Why didn't I think of that before?)


	7. It's The US Legal System Charlie Brown!

Bonded with Flame: Hey. It's been a while. I figured I should put something up before the story rots.

Drek: I dunno, I have to wear a gas mask.

Bonded with Flame: Harde har. Italics are in-game.

* * *

IN THE LOUNGE ROOM O' DOOM…

* * *

"C'mon Axel! You can do it! Press X faster!" Roxas yelled.

Axel was playing super proud mode on KH II. He found it a lot easier after he figured out the invisible reaction commands. Roxas and Zexion were watching.

"Did I-I-ah-I actually do it?" Axel stuttered, "I beat Xemnas!!! 398 hours, but I did it!"

"_Ha ha ha, now I shall destroy your surplus files for strength!!!" Xemnas cackled._

"_Not if I can stop you!" Sora yelled._

**_Beat Xemnas before he destroys your Kingdom Hearts I files!_**

Zexion snickered. "Watch out, if he gets to your files you'll have to fight another HP bars worth." Zexion looked down for a moment. "And those files will be terminated. Five minutes!"

"You are evil. Install this into some million Star Wars: Battle Front II games with 'Join Organization XIII or be hunted by Pyropwner -Axel-, aquarockya -Demyx-, Ebayamazongod,-you- and Lighterkeys –me-' and we'll have taken over all nerds." Roxas said.

"I… will… kill… you…" Axel snarled, trying to keep control.

"Might not want to, I'm almost done with making Guitar Hero III."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. Eruption, Van Halen is a level ten song."

Axel paused the game. "With?"

"Stairway to Heaven, Led Zeppelin, Through The Fire and Flames, Dragonforce, All Along the Watchtower, Hendrix and Rock n' Roll Medley, by Shades of Black." ((Author's note: Please, before flaming me, look these up on YouTube like Roxas did. But not that last one.))

"Super egomaniac…" Axel complained.

"Wow." Roxas said, after looking them up on YouTube. "Those are some insane songs."

"Yeah. Especially that Dragonforce song." Axel called trying to beat Xemnas. "Gotcha!!! Zexion!!!! I beat your game!!!! YAYAYAYAYA!!!!!"

"Beat those few-hundred dusks?"

"Nooo… wait, I have to fight THEM!!!!????"

"G'duh. Made ya fight those behemoth didn't I?"

"Yeah…"

"Zexion, this invisible reaction command killed all of them but one." Axel said puzzled, "How does that make this hard?"

"Watch it mutate."

"$#!!!"

"Easy, easy."

"Sorry."

"Horn! Horn!" Roxas called.

"Trying!" Axel said and than pressed triangle out of instinct. All of a sudden, the Quickening thing in FFXII appeared. "Oh yes…" Axel mashed like a pro. He got a 43 hit combo. "Booya! I win!!!!!"

"Yes you do!" Hi-five man!" Zexion said.

Axel was overjoyed. He set up Guitar Hero but Zexion stopped him.

"III man. III."

"III it is." Axel set it up.

"Let's see… "Dani California…" Axel said. "Red Hot Chili Peppers…" Axel looked at Zexion. "This is amazingly nice of you!"

"I got permission from Red Octane to create this and they would actually use it." He said. "The only thing they said was it actually had to logically get harder."

* * *

FLASHBACK!

* * *

"Now, we are letting you create this, but you only get 10. Sound good?" Red Octane said.

"15."

"13."

"14."

"14 it is, but make the songs get logically harder."

"!!!!"

"Oh yeah. Your covers. Bassist, good, drummer, frickin' awesome, singer… um, sounds kind of like Jesse McCartney, but good, Electric pianist when he played, he rocked, but your guitarist. Could you redo the guitar?

* * *

END FLASHBACK!

* * *

"Yeah, I was pretty ticked."

"When'd we record this?"

"Spiked your drinks."

"That's a total Demyx thing to do! Why?"

"We kinda need money. Xemnas blew it all on a beta of the Castlevania for Wii."

"Point."

* * *

ONE SECOND LATER…

* * *

Axel had found the cheat to unlock all songs. "Dude, it's just pressing the orange button?"

"It was revenge."

"Ah."

Axel selected Rock 'n Roll Medley. It opened with an insane guitar sweep, then followed up with some lighter crashes, and then it went into the last solo of November Rain. It somehow transmitted into some awesomely upper-class rock out mutation of the Smoke on the Water riff. Then it hit some Free Bird. It went on and on. "How much longer!!??"

"You made it 15 minutes." Roxas said. "You kept drummin' and Demyx kept strummin'."

_You lose.

* * *

_

MEANWHILE…

* * *

"Hey, Superior?" Larxene said. "Can I get a cat?"

"YEAH!!! I collected all the souls in Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow and in Aria!!!! ME SO HAPPY!!!!"

"Thanks."

* * *

AT THE SHELTER…

* * *

"So, you want a cat?" said the woman behind the desk.

"Black." Larxene said.

"All black?"

"Yep."

"Let me show you Meowzers…" the lady said, pointing to a black cat.

"Mew," said the cat.

"She's so cute!!!!!! I love her!!!!!!! How Much?" Larxene said, hugging Meowzers.

"30 munny," the lady said.

"Here,"

"Thanks,"

"Prrrrr…" Meowzers purred.

"Awww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Larxene squealed.

* * *

AT THE CASTLE THAT NEVER WAS…

* * *

"Hey Larxene! Who's that?" Roxas asked.

"Meowzers!" Larxene said excitedly.

"Can I hold her?"

"Sure."

Prrrr…

"What's this mark on her paw?" Roxas said.

"Huh?"

Larxene looked under her front right paw. **National 1337 Gamer Association.**

"Former owner musta had a twisted sense of humor." Roxas said.

"Yeah. I'm gonna show her to Axel."

* * *

IN THE LOUNGE ROOM O' DOOM…

* * *

"Meowzers, huh?" Axel said while failing Rock n' Roll Medley for the eighteenth time.

"Mew." It was poking Axel's Guitar Hero III controller.

"Pffft. A cat couldn't play Guitar Hero III."

"And this collar came with it." Larxene said. It said "Wanna bet?"

"Yeah." Axel said. He plugged in another controller.

* * *

5 MINUTES LATER…

* * *

"Holy $$#$#$$ $$ #$&(& crap!" Axel screamed after lighting his controller on fire. "The #()!# cat couldn't use star power but it still beat me!!!!!"

"And look at the tag on the collar!" Larxene said. It said "Play Again? 42 Evil Dude Way room 29."

"Play him again! This time I'll film it and put it on You Tube!" Roxas said.

"Alright, and I'll win!" Axel selected (Don't Fear) the Reaper.

* * *

ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES SEVEN SECONDS LATER…

* * *

"#$#(&#$$$#$$#$ Crap!!!!!!!!"

"Hey, I know Pi to a thousand places." Roxas randomly said.

"Swell. Tell me." Axel mumbled.

"3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944…"

"Dude, shut up."

"59230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651328230664709384…"

"NO ONE CARES!!!!"

BING BONG!

"We are having a meeting because uh… we haven't blown up a world in a while, and we came in third in the evil villain poll. I've came to a, umm, conclusion, and it's that we should blow up more worlds, cause at our prime, we're number one." There was a pause. "Frickin' Sephiroth is gonna rub this in my face at the next villain's convention…"

The meeting started.

* * *

"Alright, we're casting our votes democratically this time." Xemnas said. "The world with the most votes dies first." They each chose one place to invade.

Xemnas: Castle from Castlevania

Xigbar: Care Bear land

Xaldin: Care Bear land

Vexen: Bill Gates' Mansion

Lexaeaus: Written in bad handwriting. Illegible.

Zexion: 73- 5P4 3 P4R1\01)5

Saix: The sun

Axel: Florias

Demyx: Florias

Luxord: Care Bear Land

Marluxia: Care Bear Land, but I refuse to kill the one with the flower on it.

Larxene: Florias

Roxas: Florias

Exralnex: Care Bear Land

Braxgix: Castle from Castlevania

They turned their slips in. Xemnas sorted them and then made a tally. "Alright, Care Bear Land, then Florias-"

"What's that?" Marluxia asked.

Axel snickered. "A planet filled with pretty flowers."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Marluxia screamed.

"Yeah, then-"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

"SHUT THE #$# UP!!!" Axel screamed.

"Yeah, then Dracula's Castle, then Bill Gate's mansion, then-" Xemnas put on glasses. "Sp… Space… Para… Noids… Space Paranoids. Zexion, must you write in 1337 speak?"

"Y34H."

"Don't go there." Xemnas said. "Then we're blowing up-"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY FLORIAS!?!?!?!?!"

"Cause we enjoy seeing you scream," was Roxas's simple answer.

"WHY!?!?!?"

"Thenthesun-"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

SHUT THE #$#$#$$#$ $$$$ YOU #$#!!!!!!!!!" Axel yelled.

"Thank you." Xemnas said. "Sorry Saix, no sun. Too hot."

"# you."

Xaldin stabbed Saix 36 times, then calmly said, "continue."

"Thanks.#u.Saix, no sun. Too hot."$ $$$$ YOU #$#!!!!!!!!!" Oh, Lexeaus, what did you vote for any way?" Xemnas asked.

"Me vote for Heaven." Lexaeaus grunted.

* * *

THE REST OF THIS SEGMENT HAS BEEN CANCELLED. WE'D BE SUED, AND BEING SUED IS JUST NOT OUR CUP OF TEA. WE HAVE MESSED WITH THIS SEGMENT INSTEAD.

* * *

"Me vote for destruction."

"That doesn't really help," Demyx said.

"Me STILL vote for Heaven."

"$ LEXAEAUS! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO READ THE CAPITALS! NOW WE'RE GONNA BE !$$# SUED! YOU!!!!!!" Axel yelled.

Ding Dong.

"Oh ." Xemnas said.

"We're lawyer ninjas! We sue you!" said the voice from the door.

"Umm…" his personal light bulb went on. "Here, I'll get you the guy you want." He got Lexaeaus, but told the rest of the Organization to wait. "Here he is. Now!" Lexaeus was about to attack but…

"Law shield!!!!" the law ninjas said. "Lawsuitlawsuitlawsuitlawsuit! Terminated!!!!!!"

* * *

AT COURT…

* * *

"On one side, we have the defendant Xemnas T., and on the other, The Pope," she paused, "Do you plead guilty or not guilty?" Roxas leaned over to Axel.

"What does the T. stand for," Roxas said. Axel looked down.

"Xemnas said that if I tell anyone he'll throw me into the pit of one thousand fangirls,"

"Not guilty genius!!!!!" Xemnas yelled. "Who'd be stupid enough to say guilty!???!!!"

"That's enough. So were you saying that you wanted to destroy heaven?"

"No. Lexaeaus said that. Lock him up; the world will be a better place, your honor."

Lexaeaus sued him.

"What!!!! Why!?!?!?!" Xemnas screamed

"Emotional Distress."

* * *

LAWSUIT TWO…

* * *

"On one side, we have the defendant Xemnas T., and on the other, Lexaeaus D., do you plead guilty or not guilty?"

"Not guilty. The world would be a better place."

"Yeah, he is right." Roxas called.

"Agreed." The rest of the Organization said.

"Alright, another Lawsuit down, 30 more to go."

"But you barely solved that one!" said a Law Ninja.

"Don't care, write parties settled outside of court or something like that," the Judge said.

* * *

LAWSUIT THREE…

* * *

"On one side, we have the defendant Xemnas T., and on the other, Law Ninja Jim, do you plead guilty or not guilty for attacking Jim on assault, and emotional distress?"

"Guilty. We did it."

"You admitted it," the Judge said. "Another down." She looked at her watch. "45 minutes til' my shifts up…"

"Dude, why the heck do all of you Judges wear armor?" Axel said.

"Cause it's Final Fantasy XII. Shut up."

* * *

28 LAWSUITS LATER…

* * *

"On one side, we have the defendant Xemnas T., and on the other, Law Ninja Jim, do you plead guilty or not guilty?"

"What the $# is this lawsuit about?"

"Umm…" She checked her notes. "What is it about, Jim?"

"Renegade Personality Conflicts that when left Unchecked could threaten the Balance of Civilization."

"Which means what?" Xemnas inquired.

"You're too secret and I don't like it."

"…….That is the most screwed up reason to sue someone ever," Xemnas said. "Not guilty,"

"Prove it."

"Ummmmm… We only kill people who deserve to die?

"Try again."

"We'll bribe you,"

"Case dismissed," the Judge said. "Pay up.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

Axel sued Meowzers.

"What!!"

"Emotional Distress. I didn't care enough to make up something bigger."

* * *

LAWSUIT 31…

* * *

"On one side, we have the defendant Meowzers, and on the other, Axel, do you plead guilty or not guilty?"

"Meow."

"I think she's saying guilty," Axel said.

"Case closed," the Judge said.

"The legal system is dying today…" Xaldin said. Xaldin then passed a note to Roxas. Roxas sued the local Chinese restaurant.

"To $$ with all these lawsuits!!!!"

"Why are you suing?"

"Cause my food wasn't delivered by a Chinese man. It's a Chinese restaurant, it should have everything Chinese."

* * *

LAWSUIT 32…

* * *

"Guilty or not guilty?"

"Guilty. The food wasn't delivered by a Chinese guy."

"Jail for four years." Roxas said.

"But shouldn't the jury decide that?"

"I AM the jury!" Roxas yelled.

"Good enough for me!"

* * *

AFTER THE GREAT SUING…

* * *

"Dude, from now on, none of us are ever going to mention religion," Xigbar said. Demyx raised his hand.

"How much did we have to pay?" he asked. Xaldin grabbed his notebook.

"Including bribes, assassinations, and throwing a tomato at the Judge; 1,294,485 munny," Xaldin said.

"That's not so bad," Luxord said.

"Until you add that we still haven't paid off the Halloween Party," Xaldin said.

"#&" Luxord said.

* * *

Finito.

* * *

Bonded with Flame: Too. Many. Lawsuits.

Drek: Agreed.

Bonded with Flame: Hey Liri.

Liri: Hi. (Looks up) You're using tricks to make it seem longer than 1,852 words.

Bonded with Flame: Shut up.

* * *

Disclaimer: (Looks up) This'll be long… We don't own: Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, Heaven, Meteos, Star Wars: Battlefront, Guitar Hero, The Red Hot Chili Peppers (But they still own you.), Jimi Hendrix (Duh.), Dragonforce (Insanity!) Led Zeppelin, or Carebears. However, we do own Drek, Liri, but no longer do we own Shades of Black. Frickin' FF: XII. 


	8. The Christmas

**A Long Time Ago, In a Galaxy Far, Far away…**

Y'know, it could be happening right now, and it's not that far away.

**Now, in a Place not too Far Away…**

Bonded With Flame: It's Christmas! It's time for jokes about Presents, Malls, and other Christmassy things. So this will be warm-hearted and sentimental!

Axel: Then what do I get to do with my flamethrower?

Bonded With Flame: I dunno. Go flame some random guy's story.

Axel: Well, he did say WARM-hearted. Hey Xaldin! Do we burn happy trails or Atlantica?

Xaldin: You can't burn Atlantica! Use this Nuclear Missile!

Axel: Aim… Fire!

Bonded With Flame: I tried.

* * *

ATLANTICA…

"Why are only our women and children asploding?" Sebastian screamed.

"Cause I felt like it." Axel said after draining all the water out of Atlantica. He was wearing a Santa hat. "How many worlds left **Roxas?**"

"Nine and we're done with **Xemnas**'s wish list," Roxas replied, "But **Larxene** wanted us to burn **Sunshiny Happy Land**."

"Right-o then. Let's do there. That'll be so much fun, **burning all the happy people.** Here, use the **flame thrower**," Axel said.

Doo-doo-doo-doo! Roxas got a Flame Thrower!

"Thanks," Roxas said, grunting, "This is **heavy**!"

"Wait, why did you hold the **flamethrower** over your head like that? And why are some words emphasized?" Axel asked.

"Who knows?" Roxas said, "**Bored author**?"

"Yeah. Wait, it happened again!"

"What's up with that?"

"Bizzaro," Roxas said. They started to invade Sunshiny Happy Land.

* * *

SUNSHINEY HAPPY LAND…

"Auugh! Too bright and cheery!" Axel screeched.

"I like it. But I don't love it. Carnage!" Roxas said, meditative until he said the last word.

Axel set a log cabin on fire. 1999 people mobbed him saying, "You can't do that! It's Christmas!"

"I know, and I'm giving all of you a Christmas present!" Axel said, bombarding them with fireballs.

"Blarg!" they cried. Then, a bizarre occurrence happened. It was lightning.

"Larxene?"

"What the-" Larxene said, "Hey! This planets my kill!"

"Isn't Xemnas holding a meeting?" Axel said innocently.

"Then you should be there too," Larxene snapped.

"Ego damage. Roxas, we gotta go!" Axel said. "Oh, wasn't this the planet you wanted us to destroy AS A CHRISTMAS PRESENT?"

"Oh, I figured that you two would mess up here and there, accidentally burn each other, and make a general mess of things." Larxene said.

"That's evil," Roxas said, "but then, that's you."

* * *

AT THE CASTLE THAT NEVER WAS…

"What do I get Xemnas, what do I get Xemnas…" Luxord was in his room with a note pad.

Knock.

"Who is it?" Luxord said, obviously not caring.

"Exralnex. C'mon, open up." She said.

"It is open, you just can't reach the handle."

"Correct."

Luxord walked over and opened the door.

"Hi."

"What do you want?"

"To give you my wish list." Exralnex pulled out a piece of paper.

"Death Rod 2.0, Jewelry of Death, Amulet of Protection plus 6, Immovable rods, a master ball- Hey, I want that! The Master Sword, and a cheese log."

"There's a back."

Luxord flipped the paper over. "Microsoft, Apple, Dell, Sketch pads, A video camera, a cell phone- you don't have one?" Luxord scribbled something down. "Alright, see ya."

"Bye," Exralnex said.

Knock.

"Yes?"

"Axel, is it open?"

"Yeah."

Axel walked in. Exralnex was amazed.

"You could reach the handle?"

"Rule 35 of Axelology, always carry around a stepladder in your bag of holding."

"What do you want?" Luxord asked.

"Xemnas wants everyone in the Organization Bus." Axel said.

"You mean the spaceship with enough space to fit 13 elephants?" Luxord asked.

"Yep."

"The double storied one?" Luxord asked.

"For crying out loud, yes. Just get over there." Axel said.

"Where is it?"

"Good question." Axel pulled out a walkie talkie. "Xemnas, where exactly is the bus? Over."

"Where are you, over?"

"Luxord's room. Over."

"Left at the first T junction, then third door on the left. Over."

"That's the pit of eternal demise! Over."

"Sorry, third door on the left. Over and out."

* * *

AT THE HANGAR…

"AHHHHH!!!! I thought you bought the blue ship!!!" Luxord screamed. In front of him was a psychedelic spaceship that you would see in the 60's.

"You like it?" Xigbar said. "Demyx and I spent forever painting it."

"To order!" Xemnas snapped.

"Sir, where are we going?" Demyx asked.

"Mall land," Xemnas said.

"Okay…"

"The objective is to get one present for everybody in the organization. You will be paired with a buddy. We will rendezvous at the bus at 1800 hours. Buddies, I will not have one. Xigbar, with Braxgix. Axel, with Roxas. Larxene, with Exralnex. Zexion, with Demyx. Vexen, with Xaldin. Marluxia, with Saix. Lexaeaus, with Luxord. Ready?"

"Sir yes sir!" They all piled in the bus.

* * *

AT THE MALL…

"Alright, we're here, remember your buddies, back here at 1800 hours," Xemnas said.

"Aye!" the Organization shouted.

"Hey, Xemnas? How'd you get a spot at the front of the mall?" Axel asked.

"Not legally." Xemnas answered.

Axel leaned down. "Dude, you crushed that car!"

"Some random Chihuahua too." Xemnas said. Everyone ran off to the mall. Xemnas pulled out his DS. "I did all my Christmas shopping online! Hello, Portrait of Ruin!"

* * *

IN THE MALL……

Xaldin was wandering around inside a giant Books for Smart People contemplating the status of the Organization.

"Everyone in this Organization is becoming stupid. Obviously books are the answer. Let's see… for Lexaeus… My First Alphabet Book…" Xaldin said, browsing through books. Vexen was standing nearby.

"You think the Organization is becoming stupid?" Vexen said.

"Ever tried engaging in conversation with Marluxia?" Xaldin said. Vexen nodded.

"I have no idea what I'm getting everyone," Vexen said. Xaldin turned to him.

"Build them a robot that will make stuff or something… Are you the computer geek or not???" Xaldin said.

"Actually Zexion has taken over my position. Now all I do is hang around in the lab and play Pac-man," Vexen said. "In fact, I think I am the least referred to character in this Fan-Fic…" Xaldin repaired the fourth wall but not before a Giant Enemy Crab smashed into the Borders. Xaldin flipped it over, and attacked its weak spot for…… absolutely no damage.

"HAH! I fooled you all! I put armor plating on my weak spot!!! NOW I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" The Giant Enemy Crab said. Vexen looked to Xaldin.

"What do we do?" Vexen said. Xaldin thought for a second.

"Run. What do you think?" Xaldin said. They bolted of while the Giant Enemy Crab decided to smash into the Sony store.

* * *

ELSEWHERE IN THE MALL…

"Dude, has it ever occurred to you that you suck at guitar?" Zexion said to Demyx. They were inside The Guitar Hero.

"I am the greatest guitarist since Eddie Van Halen, and that is being modest," Demyx bragged.

"Dude, you can play chords. And when you try to play a solo everyone's ears start to bleed. You are the sole reason the Red Octane wouldn't take my beta of Guitar Hero III. You are only reason the record producer wouldn't give our band a chance. Demyx, I am pretty sure you suck," Zexion listed. Demyx looked down.

"You know, my Organization weapon is a sitar, not a guitar," Demyx said. "So…. I guess I'm the greatest sitar player since……….." Zexion looked on Wikipedia.

"Someone just vandalized the sitar page. It now says 't3h s!7aR iz a lAm3 wu22Y !n2tRuM3n7!!!!! 4NY B0DY WH0 P1432 i7 i2 4 l023R!!!1!!!!1!! LOLZ!!!!!!1!!!1! Known players: Demyx.'" Zexion put away his laptop. "Probably Axel."

"I'm the best player since me!" Demyx proudly proclaimed.

"You're the worst player since my others little sister. No, she was better than you." Zexion said.

"So what do I play then?" Demyx asked.

Zexion thought for a moment. "Sonic Heroes."

* * *

WITH AXEL AND ROXAS…

"Roxas, I'm buying you your present so…" Axel pulled out his Ipod and plugged one earphone into Roxas's ear. Kurt Cobain's singing could be heard.

"Staaaaaaaaaay! Staaaaaaaaaaaay awaaaaaaay! Staaaaaaay Awaaaay!"

"Jeez, I get it. I won't follow you." Roxas headed towards The Guitar Hero.

"Dude! You suck! Live with it!" Zexion yelled.

"I refuse to believe that!" Demyx saw Roxas. "Roxas, do I suck at Sitar?"

"Yes." Roxas said. He went up to the clerk. "Hi, what do you have in Double neck Guitars?"

"Acoustic, Electric, or Mental?" The clerk asked.

"Mental?" Roxas asked, confused.

"You think and it plays." The clerk (we'll call him Tim) said.

"Does it work?"

"Heck no." Tim said.

"Electric."

"How are we gonna sell those…" Tim muttered under his breath. "Yeah, we got bass/ electric, Electric/ electric, and Electric/ Bass."

"Electric/ Electric." Roxas said.

Tim pulled out the guitar. "It's really awesome. You can be rhythm and lead at the same time."

Roxas looked at it. "A, do you have one in non-hippie colors, b, is it hard?"

"A, yes, B, yes," Tim said.

"What designs?"

"Classic black, Red Flame, Blue Flame, and Green burst." Tim said.

"Only those?" Roxas asked.

"Yeah, but I can custom paint one for you. It would be done in… an hour, I'd say." Tim said.

"No, I'll take the Blue Flame." Roxas said.

* * *

WITH AXEL…

"Let's see, Circuit Metropolis…" Axel walked in. He didn't get two steps in before he was mobbed by Salesmen.

"How can I help you?"

"20 off DVDs."

"Have you found what you're looking for?"

Axel was fed up. "I have a product under extended warranty that needs to be serviced." The salesmen went bug-eyed and then ran away really fast. "That worked." He spotted a salesman. He was shaking.

"Don't kill me." He said. (We'll call this one Dave.)

"Relax. I'm not gonna kill you. Here, chocolate?" Axel said.

Dave relaxed. "Sorry. Yes, what would you like?"

"What do you have in laptops?"

"We have four new laptops. Each one is fitted with internet access, loads of RAM, but only this one has millions of thousands of miniature tamed Heartless that can make you coffee, chocolate… you name it."

"How much does that one cost?"

"300,000 munny," Dave said.

Axel looked aside. "I'll give everyone else pointless junk."

* * *

WITH XEMNAS…

"Should I get them more presents?" Xemnas looked up from Portrait of Ruin. Xemnas thought for a moment. "Nah."

* * *

SCREW THAT, WITH LUXORD AND LEXAEAUS…

"Lexaeaus not know what to give Xaldin." Lexaeaus said.

"I usually get everyone deeds to fancy houses, so I can't help you there." Luxord said.

"Book?" Lexaeaus was holding a book called How to Dominate Massive Amounts of Land.

"Yeah, he'll probably like that." Luxord said. "C'mon Lexaeaus." Luxord walked over to The Ace of Spades. "I'll get you some money."

"Thank you." Lexaeaus said.

"Don't mention it. I know you don't know what to get Xigbar. I can't help you, except giving you a bunch of money." Luxord said.

"Lexaeaus think new gun would be good." Lexaeaus said.

"C'mon, who's sucker enough to play us?" Luxord called. "You take poker, I'll take dice."

"Gotcha." Lexaeaus said. He went and dominated everybody in Poker.

"Ok. Double sixes." Luxord placed 400,000 munny down.

"Heh. You ain't gonna get dat." A gangster said. "I raise you twenty thousand."

"I see that. I raise you 10,000." Luxord said.

"I call." The gangsta said. (He's Tony, got it?)

Luxord rolled. He stopped time just before the dice hit and placed them on double sixes. "Time rules." He unfroze time. "Oh, whaddaya know? Double sixes."

"Tony ain't gonna accept dat. Tony gonna kill you."

Slash! Lexaeaus sheathed his axe. "Let that be a lesson to all you gangster fools. You do not mess with the Organization XIII, in the gambling hall or life. If you do, well, look at him!" Lexaeaus pointed at Tony. "Tony died for foolishness. For shame any of you," Lexaeaus started coughing, "un," Lexaeaus stopped coughing, "Honorable chaps be doing that today."

Luxord shook his head. "He made a speech! With sarcasm!" he slapped himself. "Nope, this is reality."

Luxord called Lexaeaus over. "You got enough munny?"

"Yes." Lexaeaus said.

"Right. Wanna buy Xigbar his gun?"

"Yes." Lexaeaus thought for a moment. "Guns n' More Guns would work."

"Yeah." Luxord paused. "Dude, you made a speech! How'd you do that?"

"Must look good in front of people." Lexaeaus walked off.

* * *

AT GUN N' MORE GUNS…

"Hello. We would like to see what you have in guns?" Luxord said.

"We got this Harbinger, a Magma cannon and two Arbiters." The clerk said. His name tag said, "Hi! My name is Ace HardLight."

"Anything pre upgraded?" Luxord asked.

"No." Ace said.

"You have Fusion Rifle in back case." Lexaeaus said.

"No, that's an Anti-Matter Rifle." Ace said.

"That's Pre-Upgraded idiot." Lexaeaus said scathingly. Lexaeus took out his axe.

"Uh… I'm outta med-pacs! Not that I need 'em anyway." Ace said.

"Luxord? Can I kill him?" Lexaeaus asked.

"Yeah. He won't be missed." Luxord said.

Slash-slash-slash-slash! "Blarg!" Ace yelled.

Lexaeaus grabbed his key and opened the back case. He grabbed the Anti-Matter Rifle, stuffed it in his bag of holding, and left.

"That was cool! You slaughtered him!"

"Not that loud. Security hearing fine," Lexaeaus said.

"Yeah, sorry. Say, did you leave any marks that you did it?"

"No. I did leave fragment of moon. Pin blame on Saix," Lexaeaus said, walking into Gothic Jewelry of Death. "Exralnex gets this Death ring. You think she like?" Lexaeaus asked.

"On her wish list." Luxord said. "Wait… what's it say on the inside?" It said 'The One Ring to Rule them all, The One Ring to Find Them, The One ring to Bring them all, and in the darkness PWN your enemy's soul.'

"Sound good." Lexaeaus said.

* * *

WITH SAIX AND MARLUXIA…

"Stop singing Saix." Marluxia said.

"I'm-a making cookies, I'm-a eatin' em too…" Saix sang.

"SAIX! Stoppit!" Marluxia yelled. It was then that the Giant Enemy Crab ran through a wall right into Saix.

"ARGH!!!" Saix yelled. Marluxia gave the Giant Enemy Crab a medal. The Giant Enemy Crab's eyes started watering.

"A medal? For me?" the Crab said. "You don't know how much this means to me! Everyone just thinks of me as some giant enemy crab but you saw through that! You gave me a medal. I think that I'll prove to the world that I'm more than a Giant Enemy Crab. Henceforth, my name shall be..." the Giant Enemy Crab paused. Then Xaldin came flying out of nowhere, flipped over the Giant Enemy Crab, and attacked its weak spot with a lightsaber. The Giant Enemy Crab died, with his final words being, "Shoulda thoughta that." Marluxia was staring a Xaldin.

"YOU KILLED HIM!!!! AND HE WAS GOING TO CHANGE!!!!!" Marluxia screamed.

"#&$" Xaldin swore. He then proceeded to run away back to Books for Smart People. Marluxia was following behind him.

"YOU LOUSY LITTLE BLEEP!!!!!!!" Marluxia screamed. Then he ran into Larxene and Exralnex, who were buying anything and everything that they could find. Exralnex was carrying the stuff. Marluxia knocked over all over Exralnex's bags. Larxene got really angry.

"MARLUXIA!!!! PICK THEM ALL UP AND **YOU** ARE GOING TO CARRY THEM NOW!!!!!" Larxene yelled. "If you don't do this I won't buy you that weird plant thing you wanted for Christmas."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Marluxia screeched. Exralnex pumped her fist.

"I don't have to carry them! SWEET FREEDOM!" Exralnex said. She ran off and started buying people presents. "Let's see… Axel… Game Guy…" Exralnex mused. She then ran off as Larxene approached her. "Running… Game Guy…" She ran in. The lit sign above the store said 'Game Guy.' There was a shy guy playing video games in between the words. Drool was coming out of his mouth as he played the Wii.

"Hi. What's a good game that's not for the X-Box?" Exralnex said, panting.

"There's Ratchet: Deadlocked-" The clerk said.

"I'll take that bye." Exralnex grabbed the game, and ran out of the store, blowing straight past Larxene, who was carrying her own bags.

* * *

MEANWHILE WITH XIGBAR AND BRAXGIX…

"Shopping for presents sucks," Braxgix said. Xigbar was still contemplating.

"Dude, what the heck do you want for Christmas?" Xigbar asked Braxgix. Braxgix shrugged. He then walked over to the Game Guy. Exralnex had just run out, Larxene was running after her. Xigbar looked around for a present for Braxgix, then something caught his eye… "Hey, Mr. Clerk guy, I'll take this."

"Paper or plastic?"

"Check."

"Dude, what do you want your crap in?"

"Oh. A bag."

"Dude…"

"Sorry. Plastic."

"What the? Ah!" The clerk was rolled up in a Katamari.

Xigbar started freaking. "AAHH!" He ran really fast. In the other direction. The Katamari still got him.

* * *

IN GAME GUY…

"Roxas, isn't this an awesome game?" Axel asked Roxas.

"Yeah. What about you Zexion?" Roxas said.

"Pretty sweet." Zexion said.

"Hey, check it out!" Axel said.

"Dude…" Roxas said bewildered.

* * *

ELSEWHERE IN THE MALL…

"AHH!"

"Eep!"

"Meep!"

The Katamari rolled in to Big Bob's Pet Mart. It was accompanied by two more Katamari, one five meters, the other 54 meters. The first was 20 meters. "Oh my evil darkie gods! Will this nightmare stop!!!!" Xemnas screeched, he was stuck on the Katamari.

"Hate to break it to you, but no." Xaldin said, reading Katamari for Complete Idiots. "According to this, the Katamari is the most deadly weapon in the universe. Developed in the Great Furby War, this decimated most enemies."

* * *

IN GAME GUY...

"KATAMARI DAMACY THREE RULES ALL GAMES!!!!!!!" Axel said.

"Yup." Zexion said, rolling up Saix.

* * *

ELSEWHERE…

"MY COOKIES!!!!" Saix said, having his cookies being attacked by a three centimeters Katamari.

* * *

IN GAME GUY...

"Meow," Meowzers meowed.

"Yep. You just rolled up Saix's cookies." Roxas said. "Ooh, get that midget."

"Hey! Zexion, I had Xigbar!" Axel yelled.

"First come, first serve."

* * *

ELSEWHERE…

"AAAAHH!!!!!!!" Saix yelled. Meowzer's Katamari rolled him up. It was marked by the cats on the blank space.

"AAH!" Larxene screeched. "I'm being rolled up by a $# sticky ball!" She had been rolled up by Roxas.

* * *

AT GAME GUY…

"Always wanted to do that." Roxas said. His ball was light shades of multiple colors.

"Nice one." Zexion said. "Meowzers, got Braxgix."

* * *

ELSEWHERE IN A DIFFERENT KATAMARI…

"God! This $#! Katamari has no one else on it!!!!!" Braxgix yelled.

"Dude, pull it together." A voice said. "Go to the Apple store and get lots of tunes."

"Who was that."

"It's me dude."

"I've lost it."

"No. Just me." Exralnex waded through the Katamari. "So, what do we do now?"

"I feel a strange disturbance in evil." Braxgix said. "So, a Katamari must've rolled up the Root of all Evil."

"Heck. I'm going to the iTunes store to get an iPod." Exralnex said. "I'll get you one too."

"Thanks." Braxgix said.

* * *

AT THE VOID WHERE GAME GUY ONCE WAS…

"Katamari Three, and us are the only things here."

**ATTENTION! You have rolled up everything in this universe. Go to a different universe?**

"Yeah." Axel pushed yes. "Care Bear Land sound good?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Mew."

"Okay…"

**ATTENTION! Your trial time has ran-**

"Hacked!" Zexion said, hacking it.

**Play as long as you like master.** **I bow before you.**

"The Meaning of Life is mine!" Roxas yelled.

"Kingdom Hearts is mine!" Zexion yelled.

"That Opera House in Sydney is Mine!" Axel yelled.

"We got care Bear land and not The Sydney Opera House?" Zexion asked.

"MEOW!" Meowzers rolled up True Happiness.

"That was hard to find." Axel attempted to roll up The Truth.

"You can't handle that." Zexion rolled into Commercial Success, bumping off A Little Integrity. He then rolled up Commercial Success. "I sacrificed A Little Integrity for Commercial Success! How could I?"

"I got Love!" Roxas said.

"No, that's Lust." Axel said.

"I rolled up Axl Rose's ego!" Zexion said.

**Warning, Katamari size exceeding disk space. You must stop.**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Axel said. Game Guy was back. Zexion bought Katamari Three as Axel's present.

"It's 1800 hours. We gotta go." Roxas said. He stopped. "C'mon Axel, stop playing the Wii."

"Wii came, Wii saw, Wii conquered…" Axel said, mouth full of drool.

Roxas grabbed Axel. "Xemnas is going to kill you, man."

"Oh yeah, he does that doesn't he." Axel said. "Run!"

* * *

AT THE CASTLE THAT NEVER WAS…

"Present opening! Saix, pass them out." Xemnas said.

"Why not flower boy?" Saix asked.

"Cause you're an elf!" Xemnas said.

"Fine." Saix said.

* * *

XEMNAS OPENING PRESENTS…

"Gee, thanks Xigbar! A pair of handcuffs." Xemnas said.

"Welcome, man." Xigbar said. "The idea is that you cuff Sora and Riku together."

"Cool." Xemnas tore off the wrapping of Xaldin's present. "Other Evil Villains and How to Kill Them." He opened it up. "Hey, I feel evilly enlightened."

"Knew you'd like it." Xaldin said.

"From Vexen. 'This potion makes you ten times eviler than you once were! Of course, it's kind of hard to multiply zero.'" Xemnas read. "Thanks!"

Axel leaned over to Roxas. "He didn't get that?"

"He's kind of not evil." Roxas said.

"From Zexion… it's a note… 'I ordered your present online. I'm sorry it didn't get there in time. Sincerest Apologies, Zexion.'"

"Yeah." Zexion said. "Sorry."

"A fitness program?" Xemnas said. "What's the note say? 'Guaranteed to make you lose 40 pounds!' You think I'm fat? WAAAAH!" He ran.

"Since Xemnas was a girly girl, Exralnex, you may open your presents." Xaldin said.

"Thanks. Alright, from Larxene… A badge that says, 'I am not Larxene.'" Exralnex rolled her eyes. "We all know!"

"Just wanted to make sure. You're too nice to be my nobody." Larxene said.

"I got the Conscience. Muahaha." Exralnex tore open Lexaeaus's gift. "The death ring I wanted! Thank you so much!"

"Welcome." Lexaeaus said.

"Xaldin… what's with this Summoning a Demon in Five Easy Steps?" Exralnex said. "I can already do that!"

"Oh." He pulled out a notebook titled Things Organization Members Can and Can't do. He looked at the Xemnas section. 'Skills: Dictating. Buying stuff on E-Bay. Asking me for help.' He flipped to the Exralnex section. He added summoning demons.

"Xigbar, thanks for the Finger Painting…" Exralnex said after using the wrapping paper as target practice. "But seriously, aren't you a little old?"  
"Nobody is ever to old for finger painting." Xigbar said.

"Axel's turn." Xaldin said.

"From Roxas… A DOUBLE NECK ELECTRIC GUITAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He started playing Stairway to Heaven.

Roxas looked up. "Yes! We might get decent Guitar for our band!"

Demyx looked to the side. "That's mean. But then who does drums?"

"You. You took elementary drums."

"But I suck at that!" Demyx protested.

"Dude, as long we get you away from the guitar, we'll sell records." Zexion said. "And you're so bad at guitar, You're gonna be better with drums. It's for the best."

"Ow." Demyx said. "In return for your crushing my ego, I'm opening Axel's present to me." He tore off the wrapping paper. "Loser. A single by Beck." He looked at Axel. "You implying something?"

"Implying? No, I think I'm pointing it straight out!" Axel said.

"To order!" Xaldin snapped. "It's still Axel's turn."

"Thanks, This ones from Zexion…" It was Katamari Three. "Thanks a lot Zexion!" Axel said.

"You're really welcome," Zexion said. Axel then burned the wrapping paper off Xemnas's present.

"Cool… A Evil Fiery Dagger of +5 Doom!!" Axel said. "Thanks Xemnas!" Xemnas walked down from his room.

"I'm OK now…" Xemnas said. Xemnas then opened Luxord's present. "A private island in the Caribbean!" Xemnas said. Luxord nodded.

"You can all open my present now," Luxord said. The all opened them up, and everyone except Braxgix had a private Caribbean island.

"How come I only got a one million dollar gift certificate to Jack Sparrow's Caribbean Cruises?" Braxgix asked.

"Uhhhh… Because there were no more Caribbean islands left," Luxord said.

"Then couldn't you of got me a Pacific island?" Braxgix said.

"That's enough," Xaldin said. "Marluxia, open some presents." Marluxia opened Saix's present.

"It's the claw of the Giant Enemy Crab!" Marluxia said. He hugged it. Then Marluxia opened Larxene's present. It was a piece of paper with "I'm sorry I made you carry all of my bags." "WHAT KIND OF PRESENT IS THIS!!!" Marluxia screeched.

"Hey, I never apologized to anyone else before this!" Larxene said. Xaldin then opened one of his presents.

"The shades that Agent Smith wore in The Matrix." Xaldin said. "Thanks Xemnas."

"Yeah, that was really hard to get on E-Bay," Xemnas said. "In the end I had to have Zexion hack this one person's account."

* * *

ONE DAY AGO…

"ARGH!" Sora screamed. He and Riku had created another cardboard box and were using the computer. "Someone hacked my E-Bay account and canceled my bidding on the shades. Then they signed me up for bidding on The Greatest of Hello Kitty!"

"Wow… That's lame," Riku said. "The person who hacked you was called E-Bay God."

"Yeah! Also I think that the cardboard box is going to disappear soon," Sora said. POOF!

The cardboard box disappeared.

* * *

BACK TO THE PRESENT…

"But yeah…" Xemnas said. Larxene was opening her presents now.

"From Xemnas," Larxene read. She ripped of the wrapping to reveal a yellow shuriken. "This shuriken was used by a great ninja…" Larxene read. "Cool, it'll sell for a lot on E-Bay."

"You sell all your presents on E-Bay?!?" Demyx said. Larxene nodded. Xemnas fumed.

"I spent fifteen endless days on E-Bay biding for that and you just sell it back?!?!? Do you know what that can do?!?!?" Xemnas said. Larxene read the description.

"Guaranteed to cause one hit kills," Larxene said. "Maybe I'll keep it." Larxene then tore the wrapping off of Axel's present. "A candy cane? What good is this?"

"….It's extra sugary?" Axel guessed. Larxene looked at the candy cane.

"I'll just say that it was licked by Brad Pitt or something then sell it, thanks I guess," Demyx then started to open Xigbar's present.

"A SOLID GOLD BAR!!!!" Demyx squealed. Xigbar nodded.

"The Katamari I was on rolled into Gold Land," Xigbar said. "Xaldin should put that on our list of places to raid." Xaldin nodded. He then took Axel's present and opened it.

"Master of Puppets… By Metalica… A METAL band," Xaldin said. Axel shrugged.

"I thought that if you didn't want it then you could give it to Roxas, then out of the goodness of his soul he'd give it to me!" Axel said. Xaldin sneered.

"Like I'm going to do that," Xaldin said. He then snapped his fingers and Axel's presents got warped into the pit of one million fangirls.

"NOOOO!!!" Axel screamed. He warped them back. Xaldin turned to Braxgix.

"You can open some of your presents now," Xaldin said. Braxgix looked down on his pile of envelopes.

"I'm not certain but for some reason I think you all got me gift cards," Braxgix said. Braxgix opened them all. "YOU ALL GOT ME GIFT CARDS!!!!"

"Hey," Zexion said. "Just because we all got you gift cards doesn't mean we don't care!"

"Yeah," Xemnas said. "I had a hard time picking between a Blockbusters gift card or a Hollywood Video gift card!"

"Same here!" Axel said. "I had to choose between giving you a Home Depot card or a Depot de la Casa gift card!"

"Whatever." Braxgix said.

Axel started opening some more presents. "A pack of gum? What the heck kind of present is this, Larxene?"

"It's cinnamon flavored. It's hot and your element is fire." Larxene said.

"Whatever." He burned the paper off of Xaldin's present. "The History and Analysis of All Music! This is a book I might actually read!"

"I thought so." Xaldin said.

"This one's from Demyx… Loser. By Beck. How coincidental."

"I think you're one too." Demyx said. "I mean, seriously, how cool can you be when you've never played Sonic?"

"Dude, Sonic sucks!" Axel said.

"To order! Xemnas, you may open some more." Xaldin said.

"From Axel. Basket Case, a single by Green Day. They're good sometimes I guess."

"They aren't half bad you know." Axel said.

"From Braxgix, a third light saber. I guess I could somehow incorporate this in to my strategy." He pushed it on. "Double sided. Nice."

"See! I care enough to get you all actual presents!" Braxgix said.

"Your personality hasn't been defined enough in this fanfic! It isn't my fault!" Exralnex said.

"And I made a wishlist!" Braxgix said. Darth Vader crashed though the Fourth wall.

"I am Darth Vader." He said.

Exralnex put on the ring. Darth Vader died. He started twitching on the ground.

"Powerful." Xaldin commented.

Lexaeaus leaned over to Luxord. "It was $1.50," he said.

"They must have not known." Luxord whispered.

Xemnas snapped his fingers and Darth Vader's dead corpse was teleported away. "Let's continue opening presents," Xemnas said.

* * *

AFTER ALL PRESENTS WERE OPENED…

"Axel, this computer rocks!" Roxas said. Axel nodded. Luxord got an idea.

"Let's give Sora and his friends a _present_," Luxord said sarcastically. Xemnas nodded. Then Xemnas, Zexion and Luxord went to the pit of a million fangirls.

"Sora," Zexion said. "We decided that out of the goodness out of our nonexistent hearts, we will give you a Christmas present."

"HOW ABOUT YOU GET US OUT OF THIS PIT!!!!!" Sora yelled from the pit. "OR CANCEL MY AMAZON ORDER FOR A BARNEY'S GREATEST HITS CD!!!!!"

"Come to think of it, that was Christmas present to you…" Zexion said.

"Hey, Riku!" Luxord yelled. "For Christmas I got you a paper bag to put over your head. Maybe then fangirls won't know it's you." Luxord threw the bag down. Riku put it on his head.

"Who's that loser?" a fangirl asked.

"Who cares? Sora is still here!" another fangirl answered.

"Thanks, I guess," Riku said. Xemnas snapped his fingers and a giant video monitor appeared. On it was Kairi in a small room.

"Now for Kairi's present, we took her out of the pit and put her in a deserted room, where the speakers play nothing but… Backstreet Boys and NSYNC," Xemnas said. Xemnas then started to do his evil laugh.

"Cool," Sora said. "Those are like her two favorite bands." Xemnas's evil laugh abruptly stopped.

"Zexion, I asked you if there were any people in all the worlds who liked those bands. You said no. YOU WERE WRONG!!!!" Xemnas yelled. He then turned to Sora. "So what music does Kairi hate?"

"Like I'd tell you," Sora said.

"I'll have Xaldin kick your…"

"Why do you always have Xaldin do everything?"  
"Shut up! What does she hate?" Xemnas said.

"Rage against the Machine, System of a Down, Metalica and Iron Maiden." Sora listed.

"Get Axel," Xemnas said to Luxord.

* * *

IN A FAR OFF PLACE IN THE CASTLE THAT NEVER WAS…

"Awww… The Backstreet Boys stopped," Kairi said. Then all of a sudden Axel's voice came through the speaker.

"This is a special concert by the Shades of Black, and just before we start our Rage against the Machine marathon, we would kick it off with Silent Night," Axel's voice said.

There was some muttering

"Alright Demyx, you do this then this OK?" the voices said. Kairi sat down.

"At least they're playing Christmas music first," Kairi said.

"By the way Silent Night is to the tune of Enter Sandman," Roxas said. "SILENT NIGHT!!!! HOLY NIGHT!!!! ALL IS CALM!!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kairi started screaming.

* * *

MEANWHILE…

"Did you hear that Braxgix?" Xigbar said.

"It sounded like someone being tortured," Braxgix replied.

"Ahhh, nothing says Merry Christmas like the screams of a victim,"

"Too true."

* * *

Bonded with Flame: We own nothing 


	9. The Kingdom Hearts RPG!

Bonded With Flame: Must type. Go away Drek.

Drek: Whatcha doin'?

Bonded With Flame: (Sarcastically) Playing Pac-Man. Go away.

Drek: Grab that super pellet.

Liri: (Appears.) Shall I restrain him?

Bonded With Flame: Yes, please.

Drek: Hey! Ow! How the heck can you pick me up you friggin moogle!?!?

Liri: You want this to hurt more?

Kirana: Sure. Do it!

Liri: Sounds good. (Steals munny and gil)

Drek: My skill!

* * *

Note from Nobody Commander: Sorry it took so long, school was a lot of work and we didn't have much time to write. We'll try to make it up to you all, but don't expect us to turn out chapters like machines. After all, we're only human.

* * *

IN THE CONTROL ROOM… 

"Muahaha… and now the entire world will be an RPG. I am so evil." Said an unknown voice.

However, at that point Xemnas walked into the room. "What are you doing?" He asked, befuddled as to how someone could have gotten through Zexion and Vexen's locks. "Who are you? Why are you here? How did you get through the locks? Where did you get through? When did you get through?"

"I'm asking the questions. But I am… A. MELVIN!!!!"

"My god! You are truly evil, I respect that, but couldn't you torture someone else?" Xemnas asked restraining himself from strangling A. Melvin's scrawny neck.

"No." A. Melvin brushed some invisible lint off of his business suit, "I desire your screams. Your screams are the foundation of my new empire."

Xemnas furrowed his brow. "And the top level?"

"The Care Bears," A. Melvin replied as if it was as obvious as two plus two.

"Hey! We got dibs!" Xemnas snapped.

"Dibs mean nothing in this small world. The only thing that means anything is who gets there first and who is stronger." A. Melvin said.

"Shut up with your philosophical crap!" Xemnas yelled.

"I will not." A. Melvin said, much to Xemnas's dismay.

"That's it!" Xemnas charged him. The screen shattered.

"What the?" Xemnas was standing in a set pose. He attempted to attack, but was restrained by an invisible barrier. A "helpful" fairy popped up.

"You need to wait for your ATB (Active time battle) bar to fill up!" It said.

"Shut up." Xemnas attempted to attack, and then he saw a cursor that appeared. He pointed it at the fairy, and attacked it.

**Fairy took 9999 damage**!

**You felled a fairy!**

**Got 23 experience points!**

**A. Melvin attacks!**

**Xemnas took 13 damage!**

"Tick… Tick… Tick…" Xemnas waited for a minute while A. Melvin whaled on him with magic, each hit dealing about 65-90 damage. Xemnas finally got to his attack menu.

"Let's see… magic… hm… 'Lame-o Dark Spell…' no… 'Jim the Necromancers Inferno'… no… Apocalypse!" Xemnas muttered.

**Xemnas used Apocalypse! Effects!**

**A. Melvin took 902,750,349,820 damage!**

**A. Melvin is inflicted with blind, rage, and doom!**

"And you're still not dead!?!?!"

"Intriguing. You aren't dead yet. I must go to extremes." A. Melvin's hair flared out, and his clothes flashed with darkness and exploded into oblivion. They were replaced with a dark grey robe. His eyes glowed yellow and exploded, replaced with a completely red eye, and a completely yellow eye.

"You are the most stereotypical villain I have ever seen." Xemnas commented.

"_Be quiet._" His voice was distorted like it had been thrown in a blender. "_I shall devastate your soul._"

"We Nobodies have no souls." Xemnas said. "Or is that too much for your pathetic little mind to handle?" He ran at him with both blades extended.

"_Pathetic mortals. You shall be cast into the darkest pit of utmost despair._" He pushed Xemnas back with a push of force. "_Now to take over this pathetic place as a base for my master plan. Taking over Kingdom Hearts!" _He went into an insane laugh. His minions crawled out of a black fog. His minions were… people. Ordinary people.

Xemnas looked up. "Get creative, loser!"

"_I'll pretend I didn't hear that." _A. Melvin continued. "_Go forth and destroy. Crush all of their followers. Kill everything._"

* * *

IN ROXAS'S BEDROOM… 

Roxas was being poked with a gun by a minion. "Get outta your bed. We're taking this castle over."

Roxas made his Keyblade appear and floored the minion. "Ha!" The screen then shattered. "What the!?-"

**Minion A appears!**

**Minion B appears!**

"What the- oh. It's an RPG." Roxas said.

**Roxas attacks Minion A!**

**Minion A takes 562,000 damage!**

**OVERKILL!**

**Roxas felled Minion A!**

**Minion B attacks!**

**Roxas dodges Minion B's attack!**

**Roxas uses Holy Light!**

**Minion B takes 5,957,097 damage!**

**OVERKILL!**

**Roxas felled Minion B!**

**You got a magic lamp!**

"Oh Yeah!" Roxas screamed. "I am the freakin' champion!"

"Good for you," Vexen said, walking into Roxas's room.

"Hey Vexen, have you noticed…" Roxas started.

"That the world is a RPG," Vexen said. "Yes. Zexion and I have discovered some things about it. Roxas, open your start menu."

"How?"

"By thinking it."

Start, Roxas thought. All of a sudden a large menu obscured Roxas's sight. "AH!" Roxas screamed.

"It's all right," Vexen's voice said. "You play RPGs so you should be completely familiar with the start menu. Move the cursor with your mind." Roxas looked around at his start menu.

"Sweet, I'm level 62," Roxas said.

"I'm level 65," Vexen said. "Most importantly Roxas, you should check your equipment menu, and your spell page. Also your Key Items, think how they might become important." Roxas checked them all.

"Seems fine," Roxas said.

"We're having you check anyways, Demyx freaked out when he realized that his sitar was worse than Zexion's stick," Vexen said.

"Oh." Roxas said.

He walked over to Xaldin's room. Axel was waiting outside.

"Dude. There are like 54 generals and A. Melvin fighting Xigbar, Zexion, Lexaeaus, Demyx, and Xaldin. We should make sure nobody else gets in."

"Alright." Roxas started clobbering a Guard Dog.

* * *

ELSEWHERE… 

"Die you frickin loser!" Exralnex shouted. Her death spells kept missing.

"Missed again sucker!" The minion said.

It became her turn. "Time for the new spell learned from the ring."

**Exralnex used UberDeath!**

**Instakill!**

**You felled Minion!**

**Got 42 Experience points!**

**Got 23 coins!**

"Head honcho doesn't pay his minions much." Exralnex noted. She woke up Braxgix, who was her Bunk mate. (Since Xemnas was too cheap to get each of them a real room and/or a real bed.) "Wake up dude!" she screamed.

"Whazza!" Braxgix said. "Hey… What did I tell you?"

"No interrupting your sleep unless it's really, really dire." Exralnex said. "But the worlds an RPG!"

"Yeah. You've been spending too much time with Axel. Get a life." Braxgix said.

"Serious. Attempt to kill me."

"Fine." Braxgix said. The screen shattered. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Dude, you sound like an idiot."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"SHUT UP!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"SHUT THE $# UP!"

"Alright, I'm cool now. How do you play?"

Exralnex explained. "Oh, so I can't just stab someone?" Braxgix said.

"Nope. Gotta wait for your ATB bar to fill up, then you think what you wanna do, then you do it." Exralnex said.

"No room for improvisation?"

"If you get a combo, after your first hit, you can make up anything you want, because every time you get the first hit in a combo, the other ones always hit." Exralnex said.

"Can I defy gravity?"

"When you use a tech." Exralnex said. Braxgix gave her a funny look. "Techs are like physical magic. Everybody has them, but they use up MP."

"What does MP stand for?"

"My pants. Magic Points! Duh!"

"Oh. Let's go."

"Meow!" Meowzers appeared at the door.

"You wanna come?" Exralnex asked.

"Purr." Meowzers purred.

"Cool." Exralnex said.

**Braxgix joined the party!**

**Meowzers joined the party!**

"Right, let's go." Exralnex said.

As they walked through the halls, they encountered no more than 35 minions, 21 squad leaders, 48 guard dogs, (which all of them surprisingly had more money than the minions,) and 11 generals. They eventually made their way to Xaldin's bedroom.

They opened the door.

Xaldin was fighting off A. Melvin, 34 generals and a fairy, with some assistance from Xigbar, Zexion and Lexaeaus. Demyx was there, but he was only battling the fairy. He was losing. Axel walked in to the room.

"Wow. Xaldin's good." Axel said.

Roxas walked in. "Axel, right after you went into the room, a mob of 61 minions appeared. There were 41 squad leaders, and 20 generals. And 116 guard dogs and it really sucked. On the plus side, I'm rich now."

Larxene walked in. "I just fought a guard dog. Now I'm beat."

"Get in the fray!" Braxgix yelled. "Geronimo!" he jumped at a General who was going to land a blow on Xaldin.

"He's right!" Exralnex shouted. Everyone started killing the enemies.

The screen shattered.

**Exralnex uses MegaDeath!**

**Killed 24 generals!**

**Killed one fairy!**

"Ha! I finally killed that fairy!" Demyx yelled.

**Gained 820,000 experience points!**

**Roxas uses Holy Light!**

**Generals K-O took 54,390 damage!**

**OVERKILL!**

**A. Melvin took 42 damage!**

**A. Melvin is enlightened!**

**A. Melvin uses Purge!**

**A. Melvin misses!**

"_What! I am the almighty ruler! I never miss!_"

"Tough. You just did." Larxene said.

A general put his back to Larxene to block a bullet.

**Larxene takes an attack of opportunity!**

**General AA takes 455,643 damage!**

**OVERKILL!**

**Gained 123,456 experience!**

**Level up!**

**Level up!**

**Level up!**

**Goku Appears! **

**Demyx attacks!**

**Goku takes one damage!**

**You felled the Goku!**

**Kirby appears!**

**Kirby uses Suck Up!**

**Kirby copied A. Melvin!**

**A. Melvin got ticked!**

**A. Melvin attacks!**

**Demyx took 34 damage!**

"_Only that much!?!?!?_"

"Hey, for what I lack in power, I make up for as a meat shield!"

**Vexen uses bad footing!**

**A. Melvin slips!**

**Braxgix uses Rapier Combo!**

**A. Melvin takes 1,234,567,890,987,654,321 damage!**

**A. Melvin uses an X-Potion!**

"Dang it!" Xigbar said.

"_X-Potions are the Heart's true essence._" A. Melvin said.

"You're stealing my other's awesome lines!" Xemnas stumbled in to the room.

"_You're dead! I personally killed you!_" He wailed.

"Nope. See, your terrible dialogue gave me this strange desire to live. And to kill you, but I don't think I'm the only one."

**Xemnas used Power Up!**

**Your party's attack increased!**

**Luxord used Ace of Spades!**

**Your party's Critical Chance went up!**

**Demyx used Water Clones!**

**A. Melvin must destroy ten clones in 20 seconds!**

**A. Melvin (Somehow) succeeded!**

**Roxas uses Forge!**

**Lexaeaus's attack went up ridiculously!**

**Kirby uses Pyre!**

**Destroys 10 Generals!**

**Lexaeaus's attack dramatically increased!**

**Lexaeaus attacks! Effects!**

**A. Melvin takes 99,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 damage!**

**A critical hit!**

**It's super-effective!**

**A. Melvin Contracts Mummy Rot!**

**A. Melvin Contracts Sephyillis!**

**A. Melvin contracts Lycanthropy!**

**A. Melvin contracts Vampirism!**

**A. Melvin was PWND!**

**OVERKILL!**

**You win!**

They each struck a heroic pose.

A. Melvin looked around angrily. He was back to a scrawny little geek. "I'll get you for this! You shall rue the day you were born!"

"Says you and what army?" Xemnas asked. "And the right term is created."

"Umm… I have nothing philosophical to say! AUGH!" he yelled.

Xemnas looked at Xaldin. "His pea-brain mind is shrinking. Without philosophical crap, he has nothing to say."

"Ugh. I must make haste. You beat me, but I shall not tell you how to turn off the RPG machine!" He went in to an insane laugh.

Xaldin pinned him to the wall. "Don't try. THIS is how you do an Evil Laugh." Every body in the Organization (Including Meowzers, now number 16,) started to do their best evil laugh. Sadly, shortly after they started, he disappeared.

"He disappeared… we must split into groups of three." Xemnas said. "Meowzers stays to guard the castle." He looked around. "I shall go to Chaos World with Xaldin and Xigbar."

Roxas leaned over to Axel. "Since when did Xemnas get so cool?"

Axel looked up from Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories. "He drank the potion." He yelled up to Xaldin. "I wanna go with Roxas and Zexion."

Xaldin nodded. "That is fine. You go to Fire Mountain. Braxgix, Exralnex, and Demyx, you get Aquaria." He looked to Xemnas.

"Yes. Lexaeaus, Luxord, and Marluxia are going to go to Plant Land." Marluxia squealed with joy.

Xaldin slapped him with the flat of his spear. "Larxene, Saix, and Vexen… uh… you're gonna go……err… to the Demonic World of…..uh…. Doom."

* * *

WITH LARXENE, SAIX, AND VEXEN… 

"Jeez. This is boring." Larxene complained. A demon then popped out of nowhere.

"_**We are taking you to our master… Where you shall be democratically judged.**_"

"Whoa. You're cool." Larxene said.

"_**Um… thanks?**_"

* * *

WITH XEMNAS, XIGBAR, AND XALDIN… 

"So what's the plan?" Xaldin said.

"We only went this way to throw everyone off. In reality, we're following Roxas," Xemnas said.

"What? Why?" Xigbar said.

"Have you noticed that after I died, the FanFic cut to Roxas? It seemed like I was the battle you automatically lost, like in the beginning of FFII, or like I was Reks in FFXII. I died to show things were serious. Then, it cut to Roxas. Thus, Roxas is the main character, and everything will happen to him, being the main character." Xemnas explained.

"But what of the main Female Lead? That would be Exralnex, seeing that the fic went to her, after Roxas was done and went to my room." Xaldin pointed out.

"Dude, why hasn't the Fourth wall broken yet?" Xigbar said.

"Please. The fourth wall is already in shambles here." Xemnas said, pointing to some Furbies and Darth Vader.

"Point made, man. But shouldn't we have put Roxas and Exralnex together?" Xigbar asked.

"Axel requested to be with Roxas and Zexion." Xemnas said. "If I didn't say yes, he'd think something was up."

"Right. Should we split up?" Xigbar asked.

"No. Roxas is the main male lead, thus he and Exralnex will eventually meet." Xemnas said.

"Yes. They'll both get clues pointing to the same place, and they'll both go there, and then something bad happens."

"Should we use a crystal ball?" Xigbar said.

"No. That would mess up the plot too much." Xaldin said. Then he got a brilliant idea. "Xigbar, go back to the RPG Machine and…"

* * *

WITH AXEL, ROXAS AND ZEXION… 

"This Fire Volcano sucks!!!" Axel yelled. "All the random encounter enemies are fire type, thus my best magic does NOTHING!!!"

"Cool down Axel," Zexion said. "That's why we're here."

"Hey, guys," Roxas said. "This wall looks suspiciously like a secret door." Axel gave the wall a shove and it moved aside.

"Whoa! This is A. Melvin's secret base of operations!" Zexion said. Axel snorted.

"It looks like a cell with a bunch of random evil scribbling," Axel said. He then picked up a piece of paper, and said, "And his diary." Axel snorted. "Why do psychotic evil madmen always keep diaries?"

"Probably because they need to keep track of the level of their evilness," Roxas said.

"Dude, Xaldin is the most evil person in the universe and he doesn't keep a diary," Axel responded. Zexion snatched the diary from Axel and started reading it.

"September 5th, I have decided to become an evil mastermind today. To do so I will have to construct a device of doomsday proportions. I'm thinking an RPG machine…" Zexion flipped some pages. "February 25th, I have established a base in the Dark Ruins of Quilth. I still like coming to the Fire Volcano though. It helps me think. My evil recruiting drive is going well. So I'll have enough to invade one of my rival's strongholds." Zexion flipped more pages. "June 2nd, I have successfully planted the RPG machine in Organization XIII's castle. I will then have my minions invade. Then I will take their castle for myself. Nothing could go wrong." Zexion shut the diary.

"So A. Melvin is in the Dark Ruins of Quilth?" Roxas said. "Let's go there!"

"Roxas, it could be a trap!!" Axel said. "We'll need a plan." Roxas thought for a moment.

"Spring the trap!" Roxas said.

* * *

WITH LEXAEUS, LUXORD, AND MARLUXIA… 

"NOOOO!! YOU'RE KILLING FLOWERS!!!" Marluxia screamed. They were in the Gummi Ship in orbit around the Flower World.

"Lexaeus does what he pleases," Lexaeus said. Lexaeus then dropped another bomb on the planet. Luxord stared over at them.

"Just stop." Luxord said. "We're looking for a dangerous fugitive from justice." Lexaeus looked at Marluxia.

"Found him."

"That's not funny…" Marluxia said. Luxord looked over at the world.

"This is stupid. I can't believe that Xemnas would send us to a stupid world with nothing but flowers. I mean…"

"What that white spot in green planet?" Lexaeus said. Marluxia looked at it.

"It looks like a cannon," Marluxia said. They landed the Gummi Ship near it. It was a cannon.

"You know, in RPGs, when you're fired out of a cannon you usually don't die…" Luxord said. They all looked at each other.

"Pile in cannon!" Lexaeus said. They all jumped in the cannon.

"One of us has to light the fuse," Marluxia said.

**Luxord used Stop!**

Jane's Addiction appeared to sing Stop.

"…That was awkward." Luxord quickly made a fire.

"I lit the fuse," Luxord said. "I had to freeze time to get in on time though."

"How did you create the fire?" Marluxia said.

"Dead flowers," Luxord said. Marluxia got really angry and was about to start yelling when the fuse burned up and sent them all flying somewhere.

* * *

WITH BRAXGIX, EXRALNEX, AND DEMYX… 

"Aquaria is so coooool!" Demyx said. "We should get a summer home here or something."

"That's nice Demyx, I'm sure you can trade your Caribbean island deed for an island here." Braxgix said. "Yeah, maybe this million dollar Caribbean Cruises Gift Card could buy an island…" he muttered.

"Great idea! I'll do that later!" Demyx said. Exralnex, Braxgix and Demyx were hanging around on one of the many islands that make up Aquaria. Exralnex was looking out to the ocean.

"Do you think that A. Melvin might have had an undersea base?" Exralnex said.

"According to Xaldin's book of Evil Bases, underwater bases are the second most popular kind of bases," Demyx said. Braxgix got up.

"Come on Demyx. Create an air bubble type thing we can travel in." Braxgix said.

"It's an RPG," Exralnex said. "Air is not a problem." To prove this she dived into the water.

"She's got a point," Demyx said. They all swam through the water.

"Holy cow. We can even talk normally underwater," Braxgix said. "This RPG machine isn't half bad. Why are we destroying it?"

"Because having your life governed by numbers isn't fun," Demyx said. "And because in real life I swear my sitar is a better weapon."

"Hey look," Exralnex said. She pointed to a door in the ocean floor. "That looks like a base." They all swam to the door. After proceeding through an air lock they found themselves in a base that looked like a generic rip-off of the Death Star and The Castle That Never Was.

"A. Melvin is such a poser," Braxgix said. He walked over to window that was overseeing a large construction room. "What is he building?"

"I dunno, let's find the Central Computer Core to find out," Exralnex said.

"What if there is no C.C.C.?" Demyx asked.

"Come on, this place screams 'I have a Triple C'," Braxgix said.

* * *

IN THE CENTRAL COMPUTER CORE… 

"Told you so," Exralnex said. Demyx rolled his eyes. "Hey, according to the computer A. Melvin is mass producing RPG machines to plant in every single world in the universe!" Exralnex said.

"Hey! Only we are allowed to have plans that evil," Braxgix said. "This guy has to be stopped!" Exralnex pressed some more buttons.

"Also I found out that A. Melvin has a secret base in the Dark Ruins of Quilth!" Exralnex looked up from the computer. "We gotta go there!"

"You ain't goin' nowhere!" a voice said. Demyx turned around. A short guy with spiky hair and a really big gun was standing at the exit. He turned his gun and… the screen shattered. "Shoot, I forgot that all of the RPG Machines here cause the weird battle system."

**Punk Lieutenant Johnny appeared!**

"We don't have time for this…" Exralnex said.

**Exralnex used Hyper Death!**

**Failure! Punk Lieutenant Johnny has death-proof armor!**

"Hahahahahaha!" Johnny said.

**Demyx used Water Clones!**

**Johnny failed, he takes 342 damage!**

**Braxgix uses Nuclear Meltdown!!!**

"Dude… I wouldn't recommend that…" Exralnex said.

**Johnny takes 850,987,591,875 damage!!!**

**OVERKILL!**

**Exralnex takes 274 damage!**

**Demyx takes 2 damage!**

**Braxgix absorbs 850,987,591,875 health!!!**

**You won the battle!**

"Urgh," Johnny said.

"How come we killed you in battle but you're still alive?" Demyx said.

"It's the RPG machine, and because of that, I WILL NEVER DIE!!" Johnny screamed. He then kneeled over and died.

"Cool," Exralnex said. Demyx walked over to Johnny to grab the really big gun he had but ended up tripping over his own cloak. He fell onto the computer keyboard.

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! SELF DESTRUCT ACTIVATED!!! HAVE A NICE DAY!!!_

"Uh oh," Demyx said.

"Quick! Let's go through that random teleport that we didn't even see until now!" Exralnex said.

"That could lead to The Inferno! OR EVEN CARE BEAR LAND!!!" Braxgix yelled.

"We're gonna have to risk it!" Exralnex yelled.

* * *

AT THE DARK RUINS OF QUILTH… 

"I have a bad feeling about this…" Roxas said. "Like someone is going to break free from bonds and destroy us all."

"HOLY CRAP!! I just realized that I left the door to the Pit of One Thousand Fangirls unlocked," Axel said. Zexion hit him on the head.

"Nice," Zexion said. All of a sudden the screen shattered.

"Random encounter!" Roxas said.

**A Dingo appears!**

**Zexion attacks!**

**Dingo took 758 damage!**

**OVERKILL!**

"Do you get the feeling we're over leveled?" Roxas said.

"No," Axel said. "Hey, a save point."

"Do you get the feeling something really bad is gonna happen?" Roxas asked.

"Yes." Axel said. "Why else would a save point be there?"

"Guys, look!" Zexion yelled.

**A Behemoth appeared!**

**Zexion uses Mind Control!**

**Success!**

**Behemoth jumps off a cliff!**

**OVERKILL!**

"We probably should have used that save point," Axel said.

"Yeah. What the-!?" Roxas yelled.

"Heya Roxas!" Exralnex said.

"You appeared out of thin air!" Roxas exclaimed.

"Yeah. What the-" Exralnex said.

"Muahaha!" A voice chortled. "I have led you all into a trap. Your doom is imminent under my countless demons!"

The screen shattered.

"You shall despair!" A. Melvin cried.

**A. Melvin uses Explosion!**

**Negates defense!**

**Demyx took 45,623 damage!**

Roxas thought for a moment. "This can't be the Final boss!"

"Why not?" Exralnex asked.

"The music isn't epic enough!"

"You're right! It played this same music while I was fighting Johnny!"

**Exralnex uses Blind!**

**No Effect…**

**Roxas used Holy Light!**

**A. Melvin takes 12,345,678,910 damage!**

* * *

A. Melvin started a poem, made for his death.

"In a dream I shall feel of dark blue pierced with light;  
the river murmurs of mad seas;  
that by starlights created of black devils and black wolves!

In the wine of daylight the hidden window,  
- like an organ of iron, down the long black river.  
Has murmured its ballad the Demons are dancing.  
- studded with black where the stars are sleeping.

Taking me away to the Heavens,

Or quite possibly the Hell's,

I regret my life.

As I was floating down, I feel a hurricane into the fire  
of the sea star-infused and the eyes of panthers  
Nostalgia is what skies are, so I hang here."

His features started changing to those of a stupid kid. Again. He started coughing.

Axel looked around, "Dude, all I heard was something about blue and panthers and stars." Roxas snorted.

"You probably got that off a poetry engine or something," Roxas mocked.

"I'm sorry… for all that I've done. (Coughing) I will tell you how to get rid of the RPG machi-"

He was abruptly stopped. A shuriken was in his back. It looked suspiciously like the one Xemnas had got Larxene for a Christmas present.

"What the-" Exralnex said.

"Who could be that evil?" Axel asked.

Some gears churned in Roxas's head. "LARXENE!" Larxene was atop large pillar. She looked slightly demonic, mostly because of the evil red and black aura around her.

"_Yes. You pathetic fools have been thinking I was your friend from the start. I infiltrated your darkest corridors and destroyed your confidence." _She paced back and forth on an upraised platform._ "And now, you can be the first to witness my true power."_ She raised her hands, _"For I have taken over the demon world!" _She pointed at all of the Organization Members. _"This is your last stand. Xemnas will not be able to pick up after my destruction."_ A TV floated down. It showed numerous Demons destroying the Castle that Never Was.

"Where the ---- did that come from?" Exralnex asked. "How could you betray us? How could you betray me? How could you betray Meowzers? How could you betray your-"

"_Shut up. I want nothing more than your destruction." _She swept her hand and

was about to use the Shuriken again, when suddenly-

"No way!" Xigbar shot the shuriken out of her hand in to a waiting Xaldin.

"I'll be confiscating this on the order of Questionable Behavior, Attempted Murder, Trespassing, and my favorite, evil happenings of the Fifty-Eighth and most Deadly order." Xaldin said, putting it in to a file, which he put in to a bag which he dropped in to a Dark rift.

An explosion was shown on the TV. "That would be the Dusks using your Shuriken to destroy your demonic army."

On the screen… "Yeah! Power to the dusks!" A Dusk yelled.

"Yeah! Uh-oh. Toss the shuriken!" another Dusk yelled.

"HERE!" He tossed it and it sucked the life out of the other Dusk. "Oops."

"Okay…" Roxas said. "You still die!"

"Lexaeaus here!" Lexaeaus said. He and his group just landed nearby.

"_All this talk of dying. I shall make you die!_"

"Jeez, give it a rest." Roxas said.

The screen shattered.

**Larxene used Dark Plasma!**

**Your Party took 34,556 damage!**

**Demyx used Tsunami!**

**Larxene took 30,000 damage!**

**Zexion used Illusion!**

**Next one of Larxene's attacks misses!**

**Xemnas attacks!**

**Larxene takes 45 damage!**

**Larxene uses you die attack!**

**Zexion's illusions died!**

**Exralnex uses Semi Death!**

**Larxene takes 294 damage!!**

**Larxene uses Bolts of DOOM!!!!**

**Lexaeus is dead…**

**Luxord is dead…**

**Braxgix is dead…**

**Xigbar is dead…**

**Demyx is dead…**

**Marluxia is dead…**

**Zexion is dead…**

**Axel is dead…**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Roxas screamed. "You're goin' down Demon Larxene!!"

**Everyone else takes a lot of damage!!**

**Roxas uses Divine Judgment!**

**Larxene takes 10,938 damage!**

**Exralnex summons Amaterasu!**

"I can do that?" Exralnex said.

**Amaterasu uses Sun's Radiance!**

**Larxene takes 900,000 damage!!!!!**

**Xaldin uses Six Speared Assault!**

**Larxene takes 600,000 damage!**

**Xemnas summons Kingdom Hearts!**

* * *

Larxene was on the ground slowly disintegrating.

"I… lost…" Larxene said. "But it doesn't matter, the Organization is beyond repair."

"That's not true!" Roxas said. "We have Phoenix Downs!"

"Actually…" Xemnas said. "Luxord forgot to buy them this week." They all stared at Luxord's dead body. Exralnex kicked it.

"Stupid Luxord," Exralnex said. Larxene snickered.

"Will you do that to me when I'm dead?" she said.

"Most likely," Xaldin said.

"Whoa! This is awesome! We break out the Pit of One Thousand Fangirls and go to some random world and just happen to find the Organization in shambles!" Sora's voice said. "This is way too awesome!" The remaining Organization members turned around to see Sora, Riku and Kairi were right behind them.

"Sora, stop freaking out," Riku said.

"But this is awesome! We might actually stand a chance," Sora said.

"Sora does have a point," Kairi said.

"Yeah! Come on Organization! Let's fight!" Sora said.

"Can we go save and buy Phoenix Downs first?" Roxas said.

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!" They all yelled.

**Sora, Riku and Kairi appeared!**

**Sora attacks Roxas!**

**Roxas dodges!**

"Whoa," Roxas said. "I know everything Sora is going to do!"

**Kairi casts Fire!**

**Xaldin takes 56 damage!**

**Xemnas casts Dark Storm!**

**Xemnas is out of MP, so he uses HP instead!**

**Sora takes 128,734 damage!**

**Riku takes 43,742 damage!**

**Kairi takes 2,397,325,908,759,823 damage!**

**You felled the Kairi!**

**Xemnas drains his life energy…**

"NOOO!! I won't let you die Kairi! I'll find a way to bring you back, even if I have to become a Sith Lord or something!" Sora yelled.

"Sora, we can worry about Kairi after the battle," Riku said.

"NO! Kairi…"

"Sora…" Kairi said weakly.

"Kairi…"

"Sora…"

"Shut up!" Riku yelled.

"What can we learn about Xemnas's death?" Xaldin asked Roxas and Exralnex.

"Don't use magic when you have no MP," they repeated.

**Sora goes into Berserk!**

**Xaldin attacks Riku!**

**Riku takes 542 damage!**

**Sora uses Rage Attack on Exralnex!**

**Exralnex takes 47,395,475 damage!**

**Exralnex is dead…**

**Riku uses Death Beam!**

**Everyone is dead…**

* * *

Roxas was falling, and falling in an eternal dark abyss. 

"Whoa, the Abyss sure is dark…. What the?" Roxas said. "Light! It must be my light! Hope Naminè is there…" It wasn't Naminè. It was a box that said 'Continue' and one that said 'Quit.'

"Wow, that's a no-brainer," Roxas said pushing the continue box.

* * *

Time reversed. The world spun. Life twisted.

* * *

The screen shattered. 

"You shall despair!" A. Melvin cried.

"Wait." Roxas said.

"Yes?" A. Melvin said impatiently.

"Didn't we kill you using real strong spells?" Roxas asked.

"Just die." A. Melvin said.

**A. Melvin uses Eruption!**

**Stops!**

**Demyx took 3 damage!**

"Don't use powerful spells!" Roxas yelled.

"What? We have to kill him, Roxas!" Axel yelled.

"Just don't."

"Whatever…" Axel said.

**Exralnex attacks!**

**A. Melvin takes 22 damage!**

**Roxas used Arc Light!**

**A. Melvin takes 12,452 damage!**

**Exralnex uses silver spoon!**

* * *

"Why'd you use that?" Axel asked.

"Cuz he contracted Lycanthropy on Lexaeaus's uber attack that we beefed."

A. Melvin started a poem, made for his death.

"In a dream I shall feel of dark blue pierced with light;  
the river murmurs of mad seas;  
that by starlights created of black devils and black wolves!

In the wine of daylight the hidden window,  
- like an organ of iron, down the long black river.  
Has murmured its ballad the Demons are dancing.  
- studded with black where the stars are sleeping.

Taking me away to the Heavens,

Or quite possibly the Hell's,

I regret my life.

As I was floating down, I feel a hurricane into the fire  
of the sea star-infused and the eyes of panthers  
Nostalgia is what skies are, so I hang here."

Axel looked around, "Can I get an interpretation?"

"He doesn't have much creativity…" Exralnex commented.

A. Melvin's features started changing to those of a dweeby kid. Again. He started coughing.

"I'm sorry… for all that I've done. (Coughing) I will tell you how to get rid of the RPG machi-"

He was abruptly stopped. A shuriken was in his back. It looked suspiciously like the one Xemnas had got Larxene for a Christmas present.

"What the-" Exralnex said.

"Who could be that mean?" Axel asked.

Roxas sighed. "Larxene." Larxene was atop large pillar. She looked slightly demonic, mostly because of the evil red and black aura around her.

"_Yes. You pathetic fools have been thinking I was your friend from the start. I infiltrated your darkest corridors and destroyed your confidence." _She paced back and forth on an upraised platform._ "And now, you can be the first to witness my true power."_ She raised her hands, _"For I have taken over the demon world!" _Larxene said. Roxas was lip syncing the entire speech.

Everyone looked at Roxas. "How could you!" Axel yelled.

"No dude, I just knew what she was gonna say!" Roxas protested. "Sending her to the Demonic world was NOT a good idea. We should have sent her to fairy happy land or something like that."

"Oh, okay." Axel said. "How?"

"Don't ask. I'll tell you later." Roxas said.

"_May I go on with my pointlessly long monologue?_"

"Yeah, go ahead." Roxas said.

She pointed at all of the Organization Members. _"This is your last stand. Xemnas will not be able to pick up after my destruction."_ A TV floated down. It showed numerous Demons destroying the Castle that Never Was.

"Where the ---- did that come from?" Exralnex asked. "How could you betray us? How could you betray me? How could you betray Meowzers? How could you betray your-"

"_Shut up. I want nothing more than your destruction." _She swept her hand and

about to use the Shuriken again, when suddenly-

"No way!" Xigbar shot the shuriken out of her hand in to a waiting Xaldin.

"I'll be confiscating this on the order of Questionable Behavior, Attempted Murder, Trespassing, and my favorite, Evil happenings of the Fifty-Eighth and most Deadly order." Xaldin said, putting it in to a file, which he put in to a bag which he dropped in to a Dark rift.

An explosion was shown on the TV. "That would be the Dusks using your Shuriken to destroy your demonic army."

On the screen… "Yeah! Power to the dusks!" A Dusk yelled.

"Yeah! Uh-oh. Toss the shuriken!" another Dusk yelled.

"HERE!" He tossed it and it sucked the life out of the other Dusk. "Oops."

"Okay…" Roxas said. "You still die!"

"Lexaeaus here!" Lexaeaus said. He and his group just landed nearby.

"Yeah! We're here too!" Vexen said. He and Saix had appeared out of nowhere.

"_Thought I killed you!_"

"We just don't die…"

"_All this talk of dying. I shall make you die!_"

"Jeez, give it a rest." Roxas said.

The screen shattered.

"Don't use too much MP here either." Roxas commanded.

"I say we listen." Xemnas said. "After all, the main Character should know."

**Larxene used Dark Plasma!**

**Your Party took 34,556 damage!**

**Demyx attacks!**

**Larxene took 22 damage!**

**Zexion attacks!**

**Larxene takes 534 damage! Critical!**

**Xemnas attacks!**

**Larxene takes 6021 damage!**

**Saix attacks!**

**Larxene takes 2983 damage!**

**Larxene attacks!**

**Zexion takes 2009 damage!**

**Exralnex uses potion!**

**Zexion is healed back 2000 damage!**

**Larxene uses Bolts of DOOM!!!!**

**Lexaeus dodges!**

**Luxord dodges!**

**No effect on Braxgix!**

**Xigbar is dead…**

**Demyx takes 34 damage!**

**Marluxia dodges!**

**Zexion Illusionizes! All of your party was surrounded with an illusion!**

**Exralnex uses Super Doom!!!**

**Axel's illusion is dead!**

"Booya!" Roxas yelled. "That was so much different than last time!"

"What happened 'last' time?" Axel asked.

"Everyone died," Roxas said.

**Everyone else's illusion takes 400 damage!!**

**Roxas uses Holy combo! 35 hits!**

**Larxene takes 400,000 damage!**

**Exralnex attacks!**

**Larxene takes 200 damage!**

**Xaldin uses Six Speared combo! Seven hits!**

**Larxene takes 249 damage!**

**Xemnas summons Kingdom Hearts!**

* * *

Larxene was on the ground slowly disintegrating.

"I… lost…" Larxene said. "But it doesn't matter, the Organization is beyond repair."

"That's not true!" Roxas said. "We have insurance on our castle!"

"----." Larxene said. She disintegrated.

"Whoa! This is awesome! We break out the Pit of One Thousand Fangirls and go to some random world and just happen to find the Organization…" Sora's voice said. "Oh bugger. We're dead, we're dead…" The remaining Organization members turned around to see Sora, Riku and Kairi were right behind them. 

"Sora, stop freaking out," Riku said.

"But we're gonna die…" Sora said.

"Sora! Pull it together and fight," Kairi said.

"Yeah! Come on Organization! Let's fight!" Sora said.

"Can we laugh at you first?" Roxas asked, pointing a finger at Sora's bitten fingernails.

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!" They all yelled.

**Sora, Riku and Kairi appeared!**

**Sora attacks Roxas!**

**Roxas dodges!**

"Dude," Roxas said. "I still know everything you're going to do! And open fire with MP!"

**Zexion summons Bahamut!**

**Sora takes 3,498 damage!**

**Riku takes 23,908 damage!**

**Kairi takes 22 damage!**

**Kairi casts Blizzard!**

**Xaldin takes 54 damage!**

**Xemnas casts Dark Storm!**

**Sora takes 121,234 damage!**

**Riku takes 2,983 damage!**

**Kairi takes 2,235,432,934,759,823 damage!**

**You felled the Kairi!**

"NOOO!! I won't let you die Kairi! I'll find a way to bring you back, even if I have to become a Sith Lord or something!" Sora yelled.

"Sora, we can worry about Kairi after the battle," Riku said.

"NO! Kairi…"

"Sora…" Kairi said weakly.

"Kairi…"

"Sora…"

"Shut up!" Roxas yelled.

"Thank you!" Riku yelled.

**Sora goes into Berserk!**

**Xaldin uses Typhoon double attack with Demyx!**

**Sora takes 152,698 damage!**

**Riku takes 300,287 damage!**

**Sora uses Rage Attack on Luxord!**

**Luxord takes 3,290 damage!**

**Riku uses Death Beam!**

**Everyone but Exralnex is dead…**

Exralnex looked around. "You pay for that!"

"Prove it!" Sora said.

**Exralnex used Life Suction! (OVERDRIVE!)**

**Your party was revived! (except for Demyx and Zexion) (and Braxgix.)**

**Sora dies!**

* * *

"Argh." Sora said. "But you know what? I have one last trick! SUPER ULTIMATE DRIVE SORA, UNITE!" Everyone that Sora had ever met jumped in to a light. Except Auron who went to the Organization's side.

"Why?" Roxas asked.

"You made me an Honorary Member. I can't deny you." Auron said.

"Why Auron?" Sora asked, yelling.

The screen closed up to Auron's mouth, "Because I never really liked you."

"Screw that!" Riku yelled.

Super Ultimate Drive Sora appeared before them. The screen shattered for what could possibly be the last time. "My Uberness is halved without Auron!!!" Super Ultimate Drive Sora yelled.

**Super Ultimate Drive Sora Appeared!**

"Super Ultimate Drive Sora is kind of a long name," Exralnex said.

"How 'bout we just call him S.U.D.S.?" Luxord suggested.

"NOOOOOOOO!!! I'm not S.U.D.S. I'm Super Ultimate Drive Sora!!!" Super Ultimate Drive Sora said.

"No, I like S.U.D.S." Roxas agreed.

**Xemnas uses Rain of One-Million Laser Blades! (OVERDRIVE!)**

**Requires two people to reflect! S.U.D.S. undrives with Riku!**

**S.U.D.S. takes no damage!**

**Riku takes no damage!**

"Wait, everyone attack Riku!" Roxas said.

"Ahhhh, I see," Xemnas said.

**Vexen casts Ice Pillar!**

**Riku takes 29,744 damage!**

**Lexaeus uses Earthen Might!**

**Riku takes 237,443 damage!**

**Auron attacks!**

**Riku takes 32,890,547,208 damage!**

**You felled the Riku!**

"So we gotta draw them out then take 'em out!" Axel said.

**Axel uses MegaFlaminDisk!**

**S.U.D.S. takes 37,532 damage!**

**S.U.D.S. undrives with the Genie!**

**The Genie casts Holyaga-47!**

**Xigbar takes 5,408,375,608 damage!**

**Xigbar uses Enlarge!**

**Xigbar heals 67,890 health!**

**Xemnas Attacks!**

**The Genie takes no damage!**

**Xaldin uses Tornado!**

**The Genie takes no damage!**

**Roxas uses Key Item: Magic Lamp!**

**You felled the Genie!**

**Roxas gained ten Intelligence!**

"How did you know to use that?" Exralnex asked.

"I checked my inventory and noticed it was a key item. Had to have some point," Roxas replied.

**Xaldin uses Healing Wind!**

**Your party restores 2,349,500 health!**

**Marluxia uses Flower Paradise! (OVERDRIVE)**

**S.U.D.S. is irritated!**

**S.U.D.S. is afflicted with all status ailments!**

**S.U.D.S. uses Power of the Heart Speech!**

**S.U.D.S. is cured of all status ailments!**

**Xemnas takes 1,753 damage!**

**Xigbar takes 3,209 damage!**

**Xaldin takes no damage!**

**Vexen takes 4,275 damage!**

**Lexaeus takes 4,374 damage!**

**Saix takes 689,130 damage!**

**Axel takes no damage! He's playing his DS!**

**Luxord is used to monologues! No damage!**

**Marluxia takes 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 damage!**

**Marluxia is dead…**

**Roxas takes 1 damage!**

**Exralnex uses earplugs! No effect!**

**Auron takes 42 damage!**

**Roxas uses Thirty five Keychains! (OVERDRIVE!)**

**S.U.D.S. takes 40,000,000 damage!**

**S.U.D.S undrives with King Mickey!**

**Xemnas uses Seething Dark!**

**You felled the King Mickey!**

**Axel used Kami Flames! (OVERDRIVE!)**

**S.U.D.S. takes 3,300,000 damage!**

**S.U.D.S. undrives with Xehanort's Heartless!**

"Hey, uh, wasn't he supposed to, uh, be a bad guy?" Axel asked.

"Well, technically yes. But apparently he had a…" Roxas looked at a cue card, "Change of heart."

"But he's a Heartless!" Axel said again.

"Yes, but he has the heart."

"But he's a Heartless!" Axel repeated.

"This is getting old." Roxas said.

"He's a heartless!" Axel repeated.

"Don't make me recite poetry." Roxas threatened.

"I just don't understand poetry!" Axel screamed, "It's all about love, or nature, but why serenade them when you could be burning them!?"

**Roxas uses Mega Holy!**

**Xehanort's Heartless is dead!**

**Exralnex summons Meowzers! **

**Meowzers gives you 99 phoenix downs from her stash! And a Megaphoenix!**

"Sweet…." Roxas said.

**Roxas uses a phoenix down! You revived Zexion!**

"I thought that Luxord had forgotten the phoenix downs."

"He did, but, ah, I'll, uh, just tell you later, kay?" Roxas said.

"Whatever," Zexion said, "Shades of Black still needs more Bass."

"Now is not the time." Roxas said.

**Xemnas uses Extrangulation!**

**S.U.D.S. takes 30,000 damage! Is gripped!**

**S.U.D.S. undrives with Cloud!**

**Cloud use Omni-Slash! Breaks Bind! Hits Xemnas! Hits Xaldin!**

**Xaldin takes 309,888 damage!**

**Xemnas takes 349,372 damage!**

**Roxas uses Magical Keychain!**

**Cloud takes 239,189,907,987 damage!**

"Why so much damage?" Axel asked.

"I have just that much MP." Roxas said, "Wait until my next turn!"

"Alright…"

"Have a Phoenix Down on hand!"

**Xaldin uses Windmill breaker!**

**S.U.D.S. takes 23,870,187 damage!**

**S.U.D.S. tries to undrive! Fails!**

"We've got him weak!" Roxas cried.

**Auron uses Super Bushido Banishing Typhoon Fang!**

**S.U.D.S. undrives with Kairi!**

**Luxord uses Paper Cut!**

**Instant K.O.!**

**You felled the Kairi!**

**S.U.D.S. is consumed by anger!**

Roxas sighed. "That can't be good."

**S.U.D.S. uses PWNAGE Incurable Elemental Strike (P.I.E.S)**

**Axel takes 385,230,487,539,480 damage!**

**Axel is dead…**

**S.U.D.S. steals Axel's soul!**

**S.U.D.S. gains 40,000 health!**

"AXEL! YOU SHALL BE AVENGED!!!!!" Roxas screamed

"Sucking souls is a little dark for Sora," Exralnex commented.

"Agreed," Xaldin said.

**Xaldin uses Typhoon!**

**No Effect!**

"Intriguing…" Xaldin said.

"I think that S.U.D.S. gained resistance to everything when he absorbed Axel's soul," Zexion said. "There's only one way to find out,"

**Zexion uses Scan!**

**S.U.D.S: 40,001/???????????????, Immunity to everything but Overdrives.**

"I haven't used my overdrive!" Zexion said.

**Zexion uses Grand Summon! (OVERDRIVE!)**

**Zexion summons Anima!**

**Anima uses Oblivion! (OVERDRIVE!)**

**S.U.D.S. takes 3 damage!**

**S.U.D.S. uses P.I.E.S.! **(Did I seriously just write that?)

**Anima takes ludicrously high amounts of damage!**

**Anima is dead…**

"That didn't work…" Zexion said.

"It's all right, other people still have overdrives left," Xaldin said.

**Xigbar uses Gravity Desolator! (OVERDRIVE!)**

**S.U.D.S. takes 4 damage!**

**Lexaeus uses Extremequake! (OVERDRIVE!)**

**S.U.D.S. takes 4 damage!**

"This isn't working," Xemnas said.

"Give it time," Xaldin said.

**Luxord uses End of an Era! (OVERDRIVE!)**

**S.U.D.S. will die in five turns!**

"See, what did I tell you?" Xaldin said. Xemnas smiled.

"Excellent,"

**S.U.D.S. uses Alpha – Omega (OVERDRIVE!)**

"#$!" Luxord said.

**Everyone takes insane amounts of damage!**

**Xemnas is dead!**

**Xigbar is dead!**

**Xaldin takes 758,473,984,750 damage!**

**Zexion is dead!**

**Vexen is dead!**

**Lexaeus is dead!**

**Saix is dead!**

**Luxord is dead!**

**Roxas takes 9,754,375,683,740 damage!**

**Exralnex takes 8,374,528,375,546 damage!**

**Auron takes 42 damage!**

**All of your healing items got disintegrated in the blow!**

"Thank Yevon for that Life, Universe and Everything armor," Auron said.

"This is really bad," Exralnex said.

"Hmmm," Xaldin said. "With no healing items we are pretty much doomed." Xaldin turned to the group. "So, I'm the only that hasn't used their overdrive yet?"

"Wrong," Auron said. "I haven't used mine either." Xaldin considered this for a moment.

"I guess that there's only one thing left we can do." Xaldin said. He and Auron started walking towards S.U.D.S. Auron's theme music started playing in the background.

"What are you two doing?!?" Roxas yelled.

"We're saving the world so you two can conquer it." Auron said.

"What!?! Wait, why only us? You'll be there," Exralnex said.

"Somehow I don't think so…" Auron said.

"You don't have to sacrifice yourselves! Luxord's overdrive will kill him!" Roxas said.

"Do you really think that we'll survive four turns without healing items?" Auron asked.

**Xaldin and Auron combine powers!**

**S.U.D.S. uses Gaia!**

**Xaldin and Auron take 42 damage!**

**Xaldin and Auron use Reflection!**

**Xaldin and Auron use Alpha – Omega!**

**S.U.D.S. takes 10,000 damage!**

**S.U.D.S. uses Eighteen Million Keyblade Strike!**

**Xaldin and Auron take 84 damage!**

**Xaldin and Auron combine their Overdrives!**

**Ancient Demon Transformation + Ultimate Maelstrom Wind Demon Transformation!**

**Xaldin and Auron transform into a Legendary Wind Demon!**

"We can combine Overdrives?" Exralnex asked Roxas. Roxas shrugged.

**S.U.D.S. uses Darkness Blow!**

**Ineffective! Attack passes through Legendary Wind Demon!**

**Legendary Wind Demon uses Final Siphon Storm!**

**Legendary Wind Demon sacrifices all its health to deal damage!**

**S.U.D.S. takes 1,246,516 Damage!**

**S.U.D.S. is felled!**

**Roxas leveled up to Lv.99! **

**+ 2,9,878,988,327,498,273,487,348,923,492,739 Health!**

**+ 9,876,543,212,345,789 Strength!**

**+ 2,362,656,656,987,552,365 Defense!**

**+ 2 Intelligence!**

**+ 2,343 Wisdom!**

**Exralnex leveled up to Lv.99!**

**+ 343,882,738,478,209,398,478 Health!**

**+ 1,343,412,452 Strength!**

**+ 2,930,972,509 Defense!**

**+ 3,124,147,293,598,472,698,734 Intelligence!**

* * *

"It's over…" Roxas said looking around the battlefield. During the course of the S.U.D.S. battle the ruins had been completely obliterated.

"Yeah, now everyone's dead…" Exralnex said. Roxas clenched his fists.

"I'm finishing this," Roxas said, then he teleported back to The Castle That Never Was.

* * *

BACK AT THE CASTLE THAT NEVER WAS…

Roxas was smashing the RPG machine into a million pieces.

"Stupid machine!" Roxas screamed. He then hit it a final time and surveyed his handiwork. The machine was completely destroyed.

"Roxas, you bonehead!" Exralnex screamed. She had just came up behind him. "If you had kept that thing running we coulda gone to sleep and everything woulda turned out OK!!!" Roxas thought for a moment. Then hit Exralnex on the head. "Ouch…" She said.

"We now know that the RPG machine is for sure broken…" Roxas said sadly. He then got a really good idea.

"Exralnex, do you know any good fortune tellers?"

To Be Continued…

* * *

Bonded: that was a whole lot bigger than everything I've written.

Liri: About as long as some fanfics.

Drek: Not that we're commenting or anything!

Bonded: FYI Xemnas told Xaldin that he should turn on continues.

* * *

Disclaimer: We don't own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, Care Bears, Star Wars, Any of the RPG's we mocked, Pac-Man, Dragonballs Z, Kirby, and Furbys. 


	10. The Epic Quest

Bonded: Liri, I deem you the disclaimer person, because I'm too lazy to say it.

Liri: No saying anything to drum up excitement!?

Bonded: It'll be Epic. Yay. Go along now.

Liri: Lame!

Drek: (Jumps Liri) Payback!!!!

* * *

WITH OUR TWO HEROES, THEY ARE WONDERING ALL SORTS OF THINGS, LIKE: IS LARXENE DEAD? WHAT OF A. MELVIN? HOW ABOUT THOSE DODGERS? AND ARE THE BESAID AUROCHS GONNA WIN THE CUP? 

THE ONLY ANSWER CLEAR WAS, THE AUROCHS WILL WIN IF THEY DO NOT GIVE UP NIMROOK. BUT ANYWAYS, OUR HEROES THEN FOUND THEMSELVES IN THE INTERDIMENSIONAL WORLD OF FLIPSIDE, WAITING TO SPEAK WITH A FORTUNE TELLER.

* * *

"There were definitely better ways to have started this chapter…" Exralnex said, looking at the large wall o' text above this sentence. 

"Yeah," Roxas said. Roxas and Exralnex had decided that since they had no clue what to do next, they should go to a fortune teller for advice as to where to go. Using Xaldin's Yellow Pages for the Evildoer they were able to locate a fortune teller by the name of Eelvulrem.

"Does it bother you at all that the fortune teller's name looks backwards?" Exralnex asked.

"Nah, this place is called Flipside, right? Everyone probably has backwards names," Roxas said. Exralnex shrugged.

"Whatever," she said. They then walked into the tent to be greeted by a woman wearing many a bizarre robe-thing.

"Emoclew," Eelvulrem said. Roxas gaped.

"Emoclew?!? What the He--- oh, great," Roxas said. He then pulled a pad of paper out of his pocket. Exralnex sighed.

"Emoclew to you too, we were wondering if you could tell our fortune."

"Ylniatrec," Eelvulrem said and walked over to the crystal ball. "Sdnim rouy duolcnu," Exralnex walked over to Roxas who was frantically translating Eelvulrem's words.

"She just told us to uncloud our minds." Roxas said looking up. Exralnex scowled.

"This will take to long if we have to keep translating," Exralnex said, while making her staff appear out of nowhere. She then said a quick word and there was a flash of light then Eelvulrem lay on the ground quite dead. "See, if the RPG machine were still up that wouldn't have worked."

"Yeah, instead it would have said 'surprise attack!' and then we would have to fight a level 99 Mage. Anyway," Roxas said. He then ran over to the crystal ball and said a couple words. The crystal lighted up and there was some fogging inside the ball.

"What do you see?" Exralnex asked.

"Light, smoke and dust," Roxas said. "This fortune teller is obviously a fake." Roxas then tried a different word on the crystal ball and then the entire house transformed.

They were in the middle of a desert; there was a vast building in front of them…

They were in front of a large white house, in was greatly guarded…

They were in front of a weird looking wormhole…

They were in front of an evil looking man who was maniacally laughing…

They were on top of a giant ice cream cone…

"That was really weird," Exralnex said. The spell had apparently transported them back into their Gummi Ship. "Especially the part about the ice cream."

"This means that we could theoretically mean that we would travel to Candy Land! Yay!" Roxas said happily. He then became more serious. "I do remember that I've seen that building in the desert before though…" Exralnex looked at him.

"Where?" She said. Roxas snapped his fingers.

"Oh, I remember! It was back when I first came to the Organization! Xemnas wanted to celebrate Organization XIII finally having thirteen members so he took us to this one world that consisted of only a Mexican restaurant. It was really weird and probably the only time I've ever seen Xaldin in the same room with Sephiroth without a fight breaking out." Roxas said. Exralnex looked at him skeptically. "Okay, they started throwing tacos at each other. But anyways, I think that we should probably check it out." Exralnex sighed.

"I suppose we have no better leads," Exralnex said. "So let's go get some burritos."

* * *

THE TACO PLACE… 

"So, Exralnex. Now what?"

"Well, this is supposedly a place dead souls come to. If they're kind and nice to their waiter, the waiter brings out the Super Resurrection Taco. Then they come back to life."

"So… Luxord, Zexion or Axel could be here…" Roxas said.

"Why aren't you saying our entire Organization?"

"If you were a waiter, would you really allow someone like Xaldin or Saix to have a Super Taco?" Roxas asked.

"Point made." Exralnex said.

A waiter walked up, and said, "This is the Taco Place."

"It's just called the Taco Place?"

"Um, yeah." The waiter looked up. "Just you two?"

"Sure…"

They were lead to a table but the waiter suddenly dropped the menus. "By Jove! You must be the Legendary Cooking Hero foretold by the Chef Prognosticus!"

Exralnex looked around. "Me?"

"Yes! I must take you to Pablo!"

* * *

ONE VERY SHORT WALK LATER… 

"There is no question; this girl is the cooking hero!" Pablo said. "This means we will finally be able to pay off that massive loan we took from Supermassive Blackhole Shark's Loans and Savings!"

There was much rejoicing. "Yay!"

The waiter then asked, "But Pablo, how do we know!"

Pablo thought then said, "Point, Sir Tim, Point." He pointed at Exralnex, "Chef Hero, make the Secret Soup. I wish for it to be spicy and sour, with an aftertaste that is sweet…" He grabbed her. "Get to work!"

"Wait!" Exralnex yelled, "Don't **I** have a say in this?!?!" She continued, "And heck! I've never cooked before and what the heck was that about the sweet aftertaste?!"

"No! The universe will implode on its self if we aren't free of debt!"

"You know this how!?"

"The Chef Prognosticus says so…" He held the book up and pointed at one line. "If the Chef Hero doesn't go along with these terms, The Taco Place will explode. It is the dead who keep us alive, so we must keep the dead alive."

Roxas put on his glasses and read it. "What the heck does that mean?"

"Like FFX."

"Ohhhhhh…" He said in acknowledgement, "I still don't get it…"

"Whatever." Exralnex said. "So I must free this restaurant from debt?"

"Yes!"

She pulled out her soup pot, "Let's do this."

* * *

FIVE MINUTES AND TEN COMMANDS TO ROXAS LATER… 

Pablo sipped the soup. "It's brilliant!"

"Yeah! Especially considering that I've never cooked before in my existence!"

"You are hired!"

"What's the pay like?"

Pablo burst out in laughter. "Ahh… pay!!! That's hilarious… oh. You weren't kidding. 25 munny an hour."

"I could slay heartless and get more money."

"Fine! 1,036 munny per customer."

"Deal!" Exralnex said. Roxas was confused.

"Does the Chef Prognosticus say anything about me?" Roxas asked. Pablo flipped through the pages.

"In this one paragraph it says that a blonde haired kid (here on referred to as BHK) will come to the Taco Place with the Legendary Cooking Hero, but BHK will quickly leave after discovering that he can't even cook rice," Pablo read. Roxas was infuriated.

"WHAT!! I can cook rice, watch!" Roxas went over to the cooking area, rolled up his sleeves and fifteen minutes later had mutated the rice into a bizarre Heartless creature that killed itself out of shame of existence. Pablo opened the Prognosticus again.

"It is also written that BHK will waste the owner's good rice trying to prove a book of prophecy wrong," Pablo said. "BHK then angrily departed for a realm called… Earth."

"Screw you guys!! I'll leave for Earth or something…" Roxas said, leaving the kitchen. He then boarded the Gummi Ship and set off for Earth.

* * *

EARTH… 

He landed in Area 51. After some flashes of light, destruction, and carnage, Roxas was no longer guarded. He set off searching for somebody who could help him via using a Nobody Tracker Vexen had invented. After about ten minutes of searching, he found Vexen in a cryogenic sleeping pod.

"Vexen! Get up!"

"…"

"Grr…" Roxas took his Keyblades and smashed all the computers.

"Wha!" Vexen yelled, "Well, that was a rather unpleasant way to end a nice nap."

"Why are you here?!"

"I got to the Taco Place as soon as possible. I sucked up to the waiter a lot. I think he wasn't paid a lot, because I could use petty bribery…"

"So how'd you end up here?"

"Umm… it's a very long story Roxas and I'm not feeling like telling it."

Roxas flashed his Keyblade, and then he referenced the computer.

"O...kay… So, yes. After I was resurrected, I realized that everyone was dead. So I went on a very random journey through a place called Yaoi. A very scary place, even for me. So I went through there and eventually ended up here, on Earth. I landed in the middle of a parade where there were lots of balloons and stuff. Naturally the people this world became extraordinarily freaked out and I was forced to put the entire city of New York in a deep freeze. I escaped to find out that everyone in this world was now afraid of this condition they called Global Freezing. So I had to build a giant laser that would be used to erase to minds of everyone on earth."

"You did all of this in the time it took Exralnex and I to get some tacos?" Roxas asked.

"Uh-huh. But anyways for some reason I was arrested by a man who claimed that he represented an evil mastermind and erasing the memories of everyone on earth went against his nefarious plans. So I had to fight him in an epic battle above earth in a space station with a giant laser. Eventually I chucked him out the airlock and shot the laser at earth. Now they're back to worrying about some Global Warming or something."

"But then why were you cryogenically frozen?" Roxas said.

"Once I touched down back on Earth the government arrested me for flying a space ship without a permit and since I was an 'extraterrestrial life form' the order was given to freeze me in Area 51. I tried to tell them that even if the temperature were -900,000,000 Celsius I would still be alive but they laughed."

"So instead of breaking out to try and find the rest of the Organization you napped?!?" Roxas said angrily. Vexen looked ticked.

"I froze a city, built a giant laser, fought a man to death in an epic duel and was arrested all in the manner of a day!" Vexen said angrily. "What did you do? Kill a fortune teller and get some tacos. I think I had the right to a little sleep." Roxas nodded.

"Alright, but now we need to find them or I'll smash you."

"Fine."

* * *

AT THE TACO PLACE… 

Exralnex was working hard cooking and serving dishes. Apparently she was the only cook who also had to serve as a waiter because the Chef Prognosticus said so. So she was in front manning the front desk.

"Welcome to the Taco Place," Exralnex said bored to the customers. "Please leave your swords in the large bags of holding and I would highly recommend you cancel all negative enchantments. That means you Nightmare."

"MEANIE!!" Nightmare screamed. "MY EVIL AURA GOES WHERE IT PLEASES!!!" Exralnex yawned and pushed a button on the desk. A trap door opened up under Nightmare's feet and he fell down a large chute into a pit of molten hot enchilada sauce. He didn't die; he's just too cool to die. She looked at the remaining customers who were now really scared. Exralnex smiled.

"Right this way valued customers," Exralnex said. After seating the customers and getting a waiter named Bill to get them drinks she walked back to the front desk. She looked at the clock. _Fifteen minutes of this then I'm back slaving in the kitchens_, she thought to herself. Then a familiar voice woke her from her slumber.

"Dude, there is no way in the fiery pits of doom that a taco can put us back into non-existence," someone said.

"Didn't you say that about Roxas not being so stupid as to heal us first before smashing the RPG machine?" another voice said.

"Good point," the first voice said. Exralnex looked over a large party of Birdpeople to see Luxord and Axel arguing.

"Hey! Axel! Luxord! Over here!" Exralnex said. Luxord groaned.

"Another fangirl…" he moaned.

"No, it's Exralnex," Axel said. Luxord looked up and grinned.

"Told you that coming to the Taco Place would be a good idea. You probably just don't like this place because you were between Xaldin and Sephiroth when they started warring," Luxord said. They both walked up to Exralnex.

"Sooo… I actually can't be your waiter because I have to start my chef shift in about fifteen minutes, but I'll tell Jimmy to take care of you. Just suck up to him and tip generously and he should give you the Super Resurrection Taco." Exralnex said. Axel moaned.

"I have to pretend that someone is superior to me? I don't think even Xemnas is superior to me…" Axel said. Luxord shrugged.

"Exralnex, why are you working at the Taco Place? I had no idea you could cook at all," Luxord asked.

"Long story, I'll tell once you've returned to non-existence," Exralnex said. "Axel, you had your soul sucked away into non-non-existence! How are you still here!?" Axel shrugged.

"Who cares?" Axel replied.

"Okay." Luxord said. "How about this? These guys were talking about this thing called a Nullifier. Apparently it nullifies the waves of RPG, or whatever electrical stim like that around an entire world! It's **supposed** to be on Renin, you know of it?"

"It has some of the best mercs in the universe!" Exlralnex yelled, "How in heck do you expect to get through there without some one killing you?"

"Easy! Axel will go!" Luxord said.

Axel choked on the water he was drinking. "What!?!?"

"You're the one who doesn't need to be here." Exralnex pointed out.

"I will be a waiter here."

"I don't get it! Why does it matter about this nullifier!?" Axel yelled.

"Well, this will protect this from ever happening again! And besides, this was said by an NPC, so it's obviously true!"

Pablo poked his head out of the kitchen. "Senorita Exralnex! Chef shift!"

"Coming Pablo!" She tapped Jimmy, "Hey Jimmy, take care of those two dudes in the cloaks… and give them the taco or its curtains for you!"

"Um...Ah...Yes! Certainly, ahh, come this way sirs!"

* * *

ON EARTH… 

"Mmm… good burger…" Roxas said. "That Burger King place is so much better than whatever kind of #$ McDonalds is serving."

Vexen was screwing with the Nobody Tracker.

"Vexen! No cell phone things at the table!"

"We're not even AT a table. We're in a car we stole from some idiot. I said jack a helicopter, but no… we had to go for the freaking Hummer! And anyways, why are we eating? We don't need food."

"We're eating because we can! And I felt a craving for a Whopper."

"Point…" Vexen sighed, "This isn't working! I'm not picking up anything!" He threw the tracker at the dashboard. "Stupid tracker!"

"Niiice… NOW how do we get everyone?" Roxas asked.

B-bb-bbb-bbbboooooop!

"Hey, it's showing something!" Vexen said.

"It's saying there's a Nobody across the country!"

"Planes."

* * *

ONE TRIP TO THE AIRPORT LATER… 

"Vexen, the clerk says we can get a flight about… three days from now."

"3 #!#$ DAYS!!!!"

"Umm, yeah!" the clerk said. She was a teenager who wanted to be a pilot when she grew up.

"Hey… any other flights?"

"I could fly you!"

"WHAT!?!"

"I've taken all the courses… I know what to do in case of crashes… and I've won Ace Flyer in my academy!" She said.

Vexen leaned over to Roxas. "Remind me to get her Nobody."

Roxas nodded.

* * *

ONE PRAYER LATER… 

"Okay… how'd you get this jet?" Roxas asked the girl. (We'll call her… Jessica.)

"Oh, well I'm not really supposed to be using this jet," Jessica admitted. Roxas smiled.

"I like your style," Roxas said. Jessica blushed.

"Umm, yeah, to start the plane, do this," Jessica pressed some buttons. "And this." The plane then started to move and then took of the ground without a single problem. Vexen was surprised.

"How old are you?" Vexen asked.

"Sixteen," Jessica replied.

"Go figure," Vexen whispered to Roxas. "Best pilot in the world happens to be a teenager." Roxas nodded.

"You're surprised?" Roxas replied. "Teenagers are often far more capable than battle hardened veterans." Jessica turned around.

"What are you whispering about? I'm not carrying criminal masterminds or anything right? Come to think of it your coats look familiar… Oh, you're just Kingdom Hearts cosplayers. Don't worry, I'll get you to your convention in time." Vexen snapped his fingers and Heartless surrounded Jessica. "Oh, you guys are for real. Crap." Heartless then mobbed her and her Nobody appeared out of nowhere.

"Thanks, I'm a Dancer," Jessica's nobody said sarcastically. "I would kill you guys if it wasn't for the fact I have to obey your orders. Why couldn't you make me member fourteen?"

"Actually you'll be XVI," Vexen said. "Pilot this plane and I'll make a Nobody up-grader or something." Jessica's nobody nodded and started piloting the plane.

"No, hold on… Meowzers is XVI so you would be XVII," Roxas said. "There is the problem of your name though, Caxisejs just lacks finesse." Vexen shook his head.

"I actually prefer Xissjace. It's better." Vexen said.

"You know Sejixcas has a certain ring to it… You know I've been angry that Xemnas didn't make me Arsox," Roxas said.

"Dude, I vehemently opposed that name. It sounds like a brand of laundry cleaner," Vexen said. Roxas glared at Vexen.

"So you're the reason that I'm not called Arsox… You know I wish that Xemnas had decided that your name was Xneev," Roxas said angrily.

"He actually considered that…" Vexen said.

"Have you guys decided on my name or not?" Jessica's nobody said.

"We're still thinking," Roxas said.

* * *

AT THE TACO PLACE… 

"Oi! Pablo!" Exralnex yelled.

"Si?" Pablo replied.

"I'm thinking of hiring a new waiter."

"NO! Only I may!"

"Hire or I quit!"

"Ah!…Fine."

"Luxord, you are hired."

"Excellent."

* * *

WITH LUXORD… 

"Hello. May I take your order?" Luxord was serving a bunch of Nintendo heroes.

"Haa!" Link yelled. He pointed to an item on the menu.

"Okay… how about you Mario?"

He pointed to a taco.

"Alright…" he scribbled it down on the pad. "Samus…"

She pointed to a burrito.

"And for you, Kirby?"

Kirby waved his hands over the entire menu. Luxord nodded and went back to the kitchen. "Wonder why they wouldn't say anything…"

Luxord walked into the kitchen to see that Exralnex and Pablo were in a giant yelling match over "creative control."

"I'm just saying that if I am the Legendary Cooking God or whatever, I think I would be able to create my own recipes!" Exralnex screamed. Pablo drew up to his full height (4' 11" poor man) and screamed back at Exralnex.

"WHY DON'T YOU GET IT!!! The Chef Prognosticus wrote that the Legendary Cooking Hero would only show up and by his/her presence the recipes would become magically better," Pablo yelled up at Exralnex.

"I made your recipes and their crap. Then I messed with a couple ingredients and BOOM we are now a five-star Mexican restaurant," Exralnex replied, infuriated. "Do you have any idea how uncommon that is?"

"You will do as the Prognosticus says or all of existence will explode!" Pablo shrieked.

"I really don't care, I actually don't exist in the first place so death of all worlds doesn't bother me. Oh, and I think the _Prognosticus_ is actually a blank fancy looking book that you bought from Barnes and Noble in a fifty percent off sale," Exralnex replied. Pablo's eyes widened.

"You are jumping to conclusions," Pablo replied.

"Actually boss, it looks like you left the sticker on the back," a waiter replied. Pablo waved his hand dismissively.

"Ok, so the Prognositicus was a fake. WHO CARES!! I am still the head chef. I can fire you!" Pablo said.

"Actually Luxord used a system of gambling, blackmail and good old fashioned bribery to lure a bunch of waiters and chefs to my side. So if you fire me I'll just take my people and start a new better restaurant," Exralnex said. Instantly half the waiters and chef walked over to the other side and stood behind Exralnex and Luxord. Pablo's eyes narrowed.

"Where will you set up the restaurant. This world ain't big enough for the two of us." (Please forgive the author for the blatant Clint Eastwood rip-off.)

"Easy. I snap my fingers and a wall appears out of nowhere to divide the kitchens," Exralnex said confidently. Pablo snorted.

"As if," Pablo laughed. Exralnex snapped her fingers. Luxord then took the moment to freeze time.

"Hmmm... Gotta build a wall," Luxord said. He teleported away and then came back from Wal-Mart with a Build Your Own Wall Kit. After it was finished he unfroze time and turned to Exralnex. "What do you think?" Luxord asked. Exralnex nodded in approval.

"I like the solid titanium construction,"

"Best part is that on their side of the wall there is anti-Pablo graffiti," Luxord commented.

* * *

YOU GUYS REALLY DIDN'T THINK THAT WE FORGOT ABOUT AXEL, RIGHT… 

"Well, that went well," Axel said to himself. He was in the middle of nowhere chained to a nuclear bomb with, surprisingly, Solid Snake.

"Dunno, could have gone better," Snake said. Axel tried to shift around and get free from the nuclear bomb.

"Ah well, I suppose I could be in the middle of a desert wearing nothing at all, have just been kicked out of a shuttle because my gun got stolen from me after I was fooled, again, by a woman who supposedly is my wife," Axel said. ( Ten awesome points if you get the reference.) Snake pulled out a knife.

"Luckily they seem to have left us with all our equipment," Snake said. Axel nodded and pulled a crowbar out of his bag of holding. Snake smiled. "Good choice."

"Thanks," Axel said. Then, suddenly by will of the cosmic author, the nuclear bomb started to beep.

"Countdown to detonation beginning, you only have ten seconds to live. Enjoy the remainder of your life!" said a voice from the bomb.

"!$," Snake swore. Axel then snapped his fingers and created a portal that sent Snake and him far away from the atomic bomb blast. Snake turned to Axel. "Why didn't you just do that in the first place?!?"

"I really wanted to deliver that line about being in the middle of nowhere with nothing on," Axel replied calmly.

"Then why don't you teleport us IN to the building!" Snake asked, furious.

"Because I need to have been there." Axel said.

They infiltrated the building through the cardboard box Axel found. All Snake had to do was keep his anger down.

"Why am I doing this?" Axel said.

"To get the nullifier! Duh! That's what you hired me for!"

"Rhetorical, and also a point of reference for readers."

"Readers?"

"Augh!" Axel went up to the fourth wall's shattering site and hired a contractor to get the wall rebuilt and it was done. Axel paid him.

Eventually they found the nullifier and it was guarded by… MySpace… And we aren't talking some central computer server. MySpace had mutated into some kind of demon that was feeding on the emotions of humanity.

"Here lies the blight of humanity," Snake commented.

But anyway, let's see how Roxas and Vexen are doing. Who knows? They could have been struck by an apocalypse. And we wouldn't have known…

* * *

ON EARTH… 

"Okay, we're at D.C." Jessica's nobody said, bored.

"Many thanks, Non-Existent friend." Vexen said, smirking.

"One more time you call me friend, and I will kick your acade- Never mind."

"Oh. You said it… from now on, you have to get the Shades of Black to their gigs, and after TWENTY gigs without fail, I will upgrade." Vexen said. Roxas blinked.

"Dude, Luxord drives!" Roxas protested.

"Then spare him." Vexen remarked.

There was a moment of silence, and a tumble weed rolled past the plane. Liri came from nowhere and kicked the tumble weed.

"What's my torment?" Jessica's nobody said, genuinely hoping Demyx didn't get sugar highs.

"Um… the gigs are enough. But every time you gaffe, the number goes up by 3 gigs."

"Yes, Vexen." Jessica-nobody said.

Vexen and Roxas went off, and Roxas teleported Jessica-nobody to TWTNW.

"Who do you think it is?" Roxas asked.

"I'm hoping it isn't Xemnas. He'd find an excuse to cut my pay again." He sighed. "Let's never have a Halloween party again." Meanwhile, in a far corner of Christmas town, Jack Skellington was disappointed. Vexen pressed a couple buttons on the Nobody tracker and located the presence of a Nobody in building called the "Lincoln Memorial." After a short walk later Roxas and Vexen were in front of the giant statue of Abraham Lincoln.

"Whoa, the dude was tall," Roxas said. Vexen looked up in awe.

"Apparently there existed a race of giants on this planet, and they left many monuments of their greatness. I mean, how could they construct all these buildings without cheap, expendable Dusk labor?" Vexen said.

"Dude, you just totally jumped to conclusions," said a drawling voice from behind them. Vexen and Roxas turned around to see Xemnas and Xigbar were behind.

"About time. I was starting to worry that S.U.D.S. had destroyed you Roxas," Xemnas said.

"Sir, with all due respect, why didn't you two try to find us?" Vexen asked. Xemnas then launched into his story about what happened after S.U.D.S. destroyed him.

"Well… After S.U.D.S. unleashed that Alpha – Omega move on us I found myself in a strange desert landscape with bizarre Keyblades stuck in the ground. I amused myself for a while by chucking Keyblades at rocks before I remembered that I had my iPod. Then after my iPod batteries ran out I realized that I could teleport and warped my non-non-existent soul to the Taco Place. There I met up with Xigbar and we bribed the waiter to bring us back into non-existence. Then we used the Nobody Tracker and found that Vexen was at Earth. So we warped there but got distracted by a pentagon shaped building. So we broke in there and stole every file marked confidential. Then, just for the heck of it we installed a virus that'll crash Internet Explorer in roughly ten seconds. FYI this is why we use FireFox. Naturally this didn't sit well with the tour guide so he got the entire U.S. military chasing after us. In fact, they are still chasing us as we speak."

"Argh!!! While I was off killing S.U.D.S. and finding out where to go, you guys had all the fun of destroying worlds and stuff," Roxas said. Xigbar turned around.

"They have tanks this time," Xigbar said nervously. Xemnas smiled.

"In one of the confidential files there was a report about a parallel world to this one. Let's see if we can reach it," Xemnas said, while snapping his fingers. Portals of darkness appeared and they all ran through it into a world vastly different but much the same…

* * *

WITH AXEL… 

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. I feel really cheated out of a boss fight," Axel said to Zexion. He had met Zexion at the Castle that Never Was. Zexion smirked.

"Tell me again what happened," Zexion said pulling out a notepad.

"Okay, so I was about to face off against the mutated form of MySpace with Solid Snake, when all of a sudden the demon freezes and a message appeared out of nowhere that said 'Attention denizens of the Earth planet. We officially are en route to taking over your planet. You have no chance to survive, make your time. Hugs and Kisses, Xemmy and Xiggy.' I mean, Xemnas has been interfering before but this just takes the cake," Axel finished. Zexion laughed.

"At least you managed to obtain the Nullifier. This will not only cancel the effect of any technological field, if anyone tries to attack us with magic it will nullify that too." Zexion said setting up the machine. "Where did Snake go?"

"He ran off and grabbed some launch code or disc or something, I dunno," Axel said. He hit a couple buttons on the Nullifier and then pushed it near the Organization's other protective devices. "Come on, Exralnex is at some restaurant and I said that I would help her once I got the Nullifier," Axel said. Zexion opened a portal and they ran through to the Taco Place.

* * *

AT THE TACO PLACE… 

"Hey, you two. Wanna join team Red Rose?" A random waiter said.

"Is Lady Exralnex on team Red Rose?" Zexion asked.

"Umm… no…"

"Axel?"

Axel shot a jet of flame at him.

"AUGH!" He died shortly after.

They saw Luxord giving a speech. "When you order, be sure to order from those with either a white rose-" He flung a card at a Red Rose, hitting his neck, making him inable to breathe. He died. "-Or a Blue Orchid." He dealt cards to painful places for the other waiters. "-if you don't, you'll end up like Johnny over there." He pulled out another deck and chucked some cards at a Red Rose. "Comprende? Oh, hey Axel. C'mere," he said.

"I got the nullifier. Pain." Axel said.

"Mmhm…" Luxord said. "Well… get in the kitchen. We're trying to outcook another guy. Pablo…"

"Right. Why did Pablo and Exralnex break it up?"

"Good question." Luxord replied, "Don't ask her, just don't…"

"Okay…?" Axel said questioningly.

"She'll ignore you."

"Ah." They walked into the kitchen and Exralnex saw Axel.

"Hey! Zexion! Scrub dishes! Get to it!" she yelled while she sautéed some peppers.

"Yeah, real hearty welcome…" Zexion mumbled, rolling up his sleeves, trying to get rid of the ugly marks Kirby's mouth left.

"Uh, Axel! Waiter!"

"Yes…"

"Get to work! Wait, Axel…" she whispered things into his ear. Axel nodded and ran out the restaurant. "Chefs, Waiters, Dogs… Let's unleash the hounds of war on Pablo."

Axel revved up an SUV.

Exralnex ordered her troops to wait.

Axel drove to the back of the restaurant.

Wait…

"Sir Pablo! We're running out of waiters!"

"Doesn't matter… They'll die soon enough…"  
CRASH!

Axel had drove an SUV through the back of the restaurant. The kitchen was a complete mess. There wasn't a hope that Pablo could cook anymore. Axel ran out of the car and grabbed a gun.

Pablo fumbled with his gun. "I…I…It d-d-doesn't-t-t matt-ter. W-we Smashed your st-stoves."

"I know a liar when I see one," Axel said, "So don't try anything funny, or I'll shoot you. Move the gun, you get shot. So these are my demands."

"One! You give 50 percent of your profits to Org. Corp®."

"Fine…"

"Two! You do ten pushups, then make me a batch of cookies."

He hurried to do these things. Axel shot him. "That was something funny."

He walked out of the kitchen. "We win. Pablo is dead. But I kinda liked the guy. Was gonna make me cookies."

They threw a party so big, the customers wondered when they were gonna get their food.

* * *

WITH XEMNAS… 

"Roxas! E-mail someone at the restaurant. See how she's doing," Xemnas ordered.

"Sure, Superior." Roxas said. He sent an E-mail.

* * *

**To: **Axel 

**From: **Roxas

**Alternate Dimension**

Hey, dude, we're in an alternate dimension to earth. We found vexen xigbar and xemnas.

We're coming up on a signal. Hope your fine… by the way, can you send me that one gameabout the miner? I'm really bored.

* * *

"Done, superior." Roxas said. 

"Good…" He twiddled a dial or two. "Vexen, this thing isn't working…"

"Hit it on the ground." He replied.

Xemnas chucked it on the ground.

It showed a signal coming towards them.

"Always works." Vexen said.

"Huh." Xemnas said.

"Xemnas! It's Xaldin… I'm behind you," Xaldin said.

"Oh! Hey, man! Good to see you!" Roxas said.

"I must admit, it was an ordeal. See, I went to the Taco Place, got resurrected, then decided that I should probably start looking for you. I went in to all sorts of worlds, somehow found a time machine in a DeLorean and went to the beginning of time on a world called Ikilijil and killed the two males and females on it, thus making it a ghost world. Then, I decided to do something nice, so I went to a place in somewhere called America, and decided to give an idea to Buena Vista Studios- 'Go to Square Enix and talk about a game with Disney and Final Fantasy characters… Have really bad-$! guys in long black coats with weird hairstyles…' So then I heard that Exralnex was at the Taco Place, and THAT'S got to be a good omen… So I somehow read the Head Chefs mind, and I somehow took control over him… Like mind control… so he got to talk to Exralnex and found out that Axel was going to Renin, and so I Mind Control'd Snake. So he went to Renin and then just to make it seem realistic, he grabbed some codes to get into some place… It was fun. Then, some guy grabbed me, shot me out of a cannon, and it somehow shot me right into the alternate dimension, right behind you. Very weird."

"But yet oddly convenient…" Xemnas said. "You all know Organization saying 43…"

"When anything is oddly convenient that means that we're being played like a deck of cards." Everyone stated.

"Too right…" said an oddly familiar voice from behind them. The Organization turned around to see someone who had no idea that black armor was so eighteenth century.

"You idiot," Vexen said. "The only people who wear black armor in these days are Sith Lords and complete morons!"

"Actually there isn't much difference between the two…" Roxas mumbled. The man in black armor laughed hysterically.

"Look upon your doom!!" he said.

"Wow, that was so lame I could have sworn that A. Melvin didn't die…" Xigbar said. The black armored man took offence to that.

"A. Melvin… WAS MY BROTHER!!!" A. Melvin's brother said. He pulled off his helmet to reveal features that looked a bit like A. Melvin's. "I am the ruler of Thaer, parallel world to Earth. I am Galactose!!!" Vexen and Roxas snorted. Galactose looked at them. "What?"

"Ummmm… Galactose… It's a kind of… Well…" Vexen said, hardly keeping his face straight.

"It's a type of sugar!" Roxas said. The entire Organization pointed and laughed at Galactose, who had just turned bright pink.

"Wh-What! Inconceivable!" Galactose snarled. Vexen opened his laptop, went to Wikipedia and showed him.

"Look! Galactose is a monosaccharide carbohydrate, or a sugar," Vexen said. Galactose shook for a moment.

"That matters not for I-"

"Am rather delicious with Cheerios!" Xigbar finished. The Organization roared with laughter again. Galactose then snapped his fingers and warped them away.

IN THE PRISONS OF THAER….

"Hehe… he's actually pretty good." Xigbar said.

"Guys… there's a real problem…" Roxas said, trying to engulf his bars in light to get out.

"Yes, Roxas?" Xemnas asked, trying to do the same thing, only with darkness.

"I think you might have noticed, but he put up an anti-magic field…" Roxas said.

Xemnas pulled out his bag of holding, rummaged around with it and fumbled with a crowbar. He quickly grabbed it again, and tried to wrench the door off. He failed miserably.

"Anyone got an idea?" Xemnas asked.

"Well, I have my laptop," Roxas offered.

"A pack of gum!" Vexen said.

"A tub of potato chips," Xaldin observed.

"A bottle of water," Xigbar said.

"And a CD of Paris Hilton's greatest hits," Roxas threw in. Xigbar grabbed it and smashed it over his knee.

"We could have used that!" Xemnas said furiously.

"Whoa! No man, woman, child, dog, or cat deserves to listen to that kind of crap," Vexen snarled.

Roxas was typing an E-Mail while his Heartless were getting him a cup of java.

* * *

**To: Axel**

**From: Roxas**

**HELP!!!**

We've been thrown in prison! There's an anti magic field! HELP! Grab some defense mechanism or something, just get us out of here! Oh, good… There's my coffee.

* * *

"Sent mail," Roxas said. 

"And when do you reckon we'll be freed!?" Vexen said scathingly.

Ten seconds later, Axel swooped in with the Nullifier, and then burned down the door.

"All yours mate!" Axel said.

"Cheers, chum," Xigbar said.

They continued through the base, which was surprisingly original. They had decided to split in to pairs. Xemnas and Roxas, Vexen and Axel, and Xigbar and Xaldin. We're going to stick with Vexen and Axel.

"Wow… This Galactose guy's got taste… I mean, his walls aren't blank, there are weird hands on the walls, and they're trying to reach out and apply a choke hold," Axel commented.

Vexen was being strangled by said hand. "Mother£$£!! piece of $!$$£!"

Axel burned the hands off.

"Sorry you had to see me like that…"

"You CAN'T BE sorry."

"$$& good point. Let's go."

* * *

Meanwhile, Xemnas and Roxas were working in perfect harmony. They were just walking down the halls, smashing guards and enemies. 

"So, Roxas. Seen a good movie lately?" Xemnas asked, shooting a laser at a nearby hand.

"No, sir. There isn't a good movie theater in TWTNW," Roxas replied, chucking his keyblade at a guard.

They continued walking down the hall calmly.

"Wow… These guys are worse than Dusks," Roxas commented, skewering two guards at once with one stab.

"Actually, Dusks were voted third in an evil henchmen competition behind Zombies and Stormtroopers," Xemnas said coolly, cracking the head of a guard.

"Really! Stormtroopers! With their aim?" Roxas asked, making his Keyblades whirl around him, delivering stabby goodness to nearby hands.

"Disgusting, isn't it?" Xemnas asked.

* * *

At this very moment, Xigbar and Xaldin were deciding on exactly HOW the best way to break in to Galactose's vault would be. 

"How about we impersonate guards?" Xigbar asked.

"No, I am vehemently opposed, and it would take too long. We should probably break it down with Gale-force winds!"

"No, no, no… you just want to show off. We shoot around the panel, then it'll fall off, and we can hack it!"

"We don't have that skill available," Xaldin pointed out.

"Ahh… but we don't need that skill! We have this!" Xigbar pulled out The Hackiwheeze 3000. It was a hacking device.

"It looks like a Gameboy swallowed a blender." Xaldin said doubtingly.

"Watch…" Xigbar grabbed the cords, yanked them out a bit, and then put the wires in to a slot on the blender part.

"Now what?" Xaldin asked, now genuinely intrigued.

"Now I have to play a game… Pac-Man. I suck at Pac-Man," Xigbar groaned.

"I don't," said Vexen, who had randomly appeared behind them. He then took the Hackiwheeze and started the Pac-Man game. Axel ran up to the group.

"Alright, I e-mailed Exralnex, Luxord and Zexion and they said that they would be along in a bit. So… who of the Organization do we still need to find?" Axel asked. At that moment Vexen finished the hacking and the vault door opened. The vault contained a lot of various items and Saix, Lexaeus, Marluxia, Demyx, Larxene and Braxgix.

"Wondered when you would show up," Braxgix said. Axel looked confused.

"Hold on, you were in the same room as Larxene and you didn't kill her? For attempting to take over the Organization and everything?" Axel asked Lexeaus. He shook his head.

"Well, uhhh…" Lexaeus started. Larxene took over.

"See, I was actually being possessed by the Demon," Larxene said.

"Yeah, sure, and I enjoy eating poison," Vexen said sarcastically.

"You do?" Lexeaus replied quizzically. Larxene glared at them.

"No, I'm serious! The demon possessed me!" Larxene said.

"I went with you to the Demonic World of Doom. I saw you kill everyone, OF YOUR OWN ACCORD!!!" Vexen yelled.

"Actually," Saix started. "If you remember correctly, it went like this. Those demons attacked us. You and I put up and amazing fight and then the head demon Crimson shot the bizarre beam at Larxene. Then she went psychopathic, more so than usual…"

"Yeah," Larxene said. Xaldin shrugged.

"Whatever, as long as you're on our side again," Xaldin said. "Come on troops, we have a sugary villain to kill!"

They ran through the freaky corridors to the throne room where they met up with Roxas and Xemnas.

"I see you found our lost comrades," Xemnas said. "Excellent work Xaldin."

"What? I did all the work," Vexen mumbled. Roxas looked at his watch.

"Exralnex said that she would be here by now," Roxas stated. Then a familiar looking SUV crashed through a wall. Exralnex, Zexion and Luxord clambered out.

"Not late are we?" Luxord asked. Roxas shook his head. "Excellent. We got the details. Let's get this straight… You really think that that plan will work?" Xemnas smirked.

"Oh yes it will…"

The entire Organization went through the Throne Room to the Command Room where they saw Galactose on the phone.

"What? Oh yes Mrs. Brain, I quite agree. Metroids would be most welcome for base defence. Now will you hold on there's some escaped prisoners I must attend to," Galactose said. He turned around and was a bit shocked by the sight of the entire Organization behind him. "What in Darko the Dark Gods name are doing here?!"

"We know our deities, Sugar-Dude," Xigbar snarled. He then smirked, saying, "Did you really think you caught us all?"

"Umm, well, yeah."

"16, dimwit. _16_. Learn to count, Glucose," Roxas said like a failed teacher.

"Hey dude! My Cheerios have been dull. Could you sweeten them?" Xigbar asked.

"Just have Frosted Flakes, then we wouldn't have to bother him," Roxas suggested.

"Sugar, come fill this bowl with it."

"I could use some more sugar for my cookies," Saix said.

Galactose whimpered, "Augh! Screw you! I'll change my name, and then suck your souls out your ears!" He snapped his fingers and teleported to the name registry of Thaer.

The Organization exchanged hi-fives.

* * *

AT THE NAME REGISTRY… 

"I'm very sorry, sir, but you already have two names. I can't give you another." The lady said. She was more interested in her Solitaire.

Xemnas pushed to the front, and said, "Ma'am, what is his other name?"

The woman opened a window. "Err… Gerard Way."

Roxas and Axel looked as shocked as if they had just been informed that Xaldin had taken Essence of Idiocy. "You are the lead singer for My Chemical Romance?"

Galactose/Gerard smiled and nodded.

"I am always pleased to meet fans," Galactose/Gerard said. Flames gathered around Axel's feet.

"You think that we are fans? You don't think that we despise every single $! bone in your mother&$! body! I HATE YOUR BAND! IF I HAD A CHOICE BETWEEN ENTERTAINING SORA WITH A TEA PARTY OR LISTENING TO YOUR $! I WOULD GO WITH THE MOTHER!()$& TEA PARTY!!!!!" Axel bellowed at Galactose. "YOU KNOW WHAT?!?! I HOPE THAT YOU INSULT CHUCK NORRIS AND THEN HE KILLS YOU, CAUSE NO ONE CAN INSULT CHUCK NORRIS!!!"

"Axel, Chuck Norris is not a god…" Xaldin said bored. Galactose took the pause to defend him.

"You know… I think I saw you once before… Didn't you march through out the entire state of Florida shooting every single MyChem CD you saw?" Galactose accused. Axel flared up again.

"$&! RIGHT I DID!!! I'M STILL WAITING FOR MY MEDAL!!!" Axel shouted. "YOU ARE A FRICKEN MURDERER!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE SLIT THEIR WRISTS TO YOUR MUSIC?!?!? HUH?!?!? ANSWER THE QUESTION $!&!!!"

"I think I know our plan B," Xaldin whispered to Xemnas.

"Give Axel free reign?" Xemnas replied. Xaldin nodded. Galactose and Axel had pulled out weapons and were on the verge of killing each other. Then Exralnex pressed a button on a remote and the Name Registry exploded. However, a crazed My Chemical Romance fan (I know they don't exist but let's just pretend) noticed that Gerard Way was under attack. So he pulled out a conveniently placed force field generator and saved his life. The fan then died of third degree burns. The Organization survived because Xaldin and Demyx had combined powers to create a shield. Xemnas sighed.

"Shame that plan didn't work… Alright, Axel, you have free reign over this mission," Xemnas said. Axel materialized his chakram and tossed them at Galactose but he teleported somewhere else.

"Blast, he got away," Axel said. Xemnas snapped his fingers and a dark portal materialized. Zexion looked sceptical.

"How do you know that this is right portal?" he asked. Xemnas shrugged.

"We're bad guys, we have an innate sense that tells us exactly where our enemy is," Xemnas explained.

* * *

ONE PORTAL TRIP LATER… 

"Typical, makes his final stand in a lava land," Vexen looked around. The Organization was on the volcano planet of Mustafar, more commonly known as 'the place Vader got burned.' Galactose was in front of them, laughing manically.

"So you came, like moths to a flame," Galactose said. He stopped. "Hey that's not a bad rhyme… I'll put it in my next angsty song o' pain. But anyways, your days are numbered. For Mustafar will be your tombstone!" Everyone snorted. "Ah, you laugh now, but behold! I have brought… HOSTAGES!!!" Sora, Riku and Kairi appeared out of nowhere, caged in transparent spheres. Luxord laughed.

"What makes you think that we care about them?" Luxord said. "By all means, kill them!"

"See!!!! I told you that they wouldn't care… LET US GO!!" Sora said. Galactose shrugged.

"OK," Galactose said. The spheres disappeared. Galactose then took of running. Saix and Marluxia followed after him. The rest turned to Sora, Riku and Kairi.

"Exactly how are you still alive?" Roxas asked Sora.

"The guy resurrected us," Sora replied. Xaldin smiled, which is never a good thing.

"Well, I think some disciplinary action is required… We will keep Riku and Kairi alive for the heck of it but Sora… your little S.U.D.S. prank made us ticked off… You are going to die and there's nothing that you can do about it. Luxord, you have the honors," Xaldin said. Luxord materialized his cards and tossed them at Sora.

"NO!" Kairi jumped in front of Sora to save him. There was no point however, as the cards bounced off. Luxord snapped his fingers.  
"Crap… I forget that you can't kill people with playing cards," Luxord said. Roxas did a really awesome looking move than finished with a running slice.

"Keyblades, on the other hand…" Roxas said. He turned around and saw that he had missed, and Kairi was the one on the floor dying.

"Whoa… we never really managed to kill someone important before now," Braxgix said. There was a stunned silence in the room. Sora was kneeling next to Kairi. Emotional music started to play in the background.

"No…… I won't let this happen… I can't let this happen…" Sora said. Tears were pouring from his eyes. Riku was in shock. Kairi smiled.

"Don't feel bad Sora," Kairi mumbled. Sora shook his head.

"No you can't die because… because… I love you!" Sora said. Kairi smiled, and then closed her eyes. Sora let out and anguished scream.

"Okay gimme a break," Xigbar said. The emotional music ended abruptly. "That was so cliché I swear that if it went any longer I might have puked, seriously." Sora turned around to Roxas.

"You killed her… You're me, so how could you?" Sora said. Roxas shrugged.

"Common theory is she got in the way. I was aiming for you," Roxas said. Sora's eyes narrowed. He made his Keyblade appear out of nowhere.

"I'll kill you," Sora said. Roxas smirked and made his Keyblades appear.

"You'll try."

They dueled each other for a long while, Roxas generally gaining on Sora, but Sora somehow distracted Roxas somehow, and he made Roxas back up.

"I have failed you Sora. I have failed you," Roxas cried.

"I should have known the Nobodies were plotting to take over!" Sora screamed.

"Pssh, no frickin' way…" Roxas straightened up, "Sora, Galactose/Gerard is evil! And his music SUCKS!"

"WHAT!? I like them!" Sora yelled. This surprised Roxas and Sora took the opportunity to push Roxas back. "From my point of view the Nobodies are evil!"

"NO FREAKING WAY!" Roxas bellowed, "If it took you that long to realize that then you are lost!"

"This is the end for you, my Nobody." Sora screeched.

"No, no, no! You're delivering your lines too… too… angstish…"

"You killed Kairi!"

"And I would kill you so you can go to Heaven." Roxas thought for a minute. "If even that."

* * *

WITH SAIX AND MARLUXIA… 

They were dueling one at a time. Galactose took on Saix, then trapped Marluxia, and when Marluxia did break free, he had shoved Saix back in to his. But this time, Marluxia was fighting like the actual master of Castle Oblivion.

"Look, a ladybird." Marluxia said.

Galactose looked around, and Saix broke free.

Think Galactose was cracking. Be it muscle strain, boredom, or just the plain old difficulty, he was definitely going to fall when…

"When I was, a young boy my father, took me into the city to see a marching band  
He said, "Son when you grow up, will you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned? (A/N: Please note that the author and co-author believe that MCR is THE single crappiest band on Earth next to Fall Out Boy. We got this off a lyrics site.) "" Galactose sang. There was a rushing of feet and a red faced Axel ran over.

He screamed, "NO YOU WON'T YOU MOTHER!££$ PIECE OF $! THAT BELONGS IN THE PROPER WASTE RECPTICLE!" He smiled at Saix and Marluxia.

"Sorry, couldn't think of anything better. Oh, wait! Waitwaitwaitwaitwait! Saix sings better than you." He ran off.

Saix beamed and went berserk on Galactose, while Marluxia called up a Specter.

"Win now!" Saix dared him.

"Can I make some calls?"

"No." They said in unison, zapping, shooting or somehow slaughtering Galactose. However, as we need him later, he didn't die.

"Augh! Wait, I'm not dead!" He yelled. He then ran like heck.

"He got away," Marluxia growled.

"Despicable," Saix spat.

BACK WITH SORA AND ROXAS…

* * *

If I cared enough to write out the sheer epicness of the duel between Roxas and Sora you all would die from the awesomeness. I'll try and describe. 

Sora and Roxas dueled for a while in the base place. Then Roxas knocked Sora out a window. However, Sora somehow drove into Final Form and then fought Roxas. Roxas responded by jumping into the air and _defying the freakin laws of gravity_!!!! Sora then also flew into the air and the fought each other until Sora's drive bar ran out and gravity got angry that Roxas wasn't respecting the law. They conveniently fell onto a giant mattress.

Sora then swung his Keyblade blindly, trying desperately to hit Roxas. Roxas, however, was smart enough to get out of the way. Roxas then ran on to a pipe. Sora followed suit, but Roxas stuck his keyblade into the pipe, causing Sora to stumble, and fall on to a piece of molten lava. When Roxas saw that he was going to go over a fall, he laughed, until he realized that he was working his way forward, and then he jumped forward, grabbed on to the pipe, and pulled off some acrobatics that are the kind of things that only happen in movies and FMVs.

Roxas shoved him off again, this time jumping down after him, to drive his keyblade into him. Sora defended himself, got up and jumped on to another piece of molten lava. Roxas eventually kneed him in the… um… you know… and shoved him on to land. Sora got up extraordinarily fast, and went on the fiercest offence ever. Roxas then slipped out the way, shoved Sora to the ground and climbed a hill.

"It's over noob! I have the higher ground!" Roxas jeered. Sora's eyes were blazing with hatred.

"I don't care," Sora replied. Roxas was stunned.

"You idiot, the higher ground is everything! It not only added a plus five to my dexterity but all your attacks have a fifty percent chance of missing!" Roxas said. Sora leaped into the air and attempted to slash Roxas but ended up ramming into him. They both tumbled down the hill, until Roxas had the sense to stab his Keyblade in the ground to slow his fall. Sora did so later and his foot was grazing the lava. His shoes lit on fire and burned to nothingness.

"NOOOOO!!! Losing my shoes after losing Kairi… YOU ARE GOING TO DIE FOR THIS ROXAS!!" Sora screamed with rage. Roxas smirked.

"Yell louder, half the planet couldn't hear," Roxas wittily replied. He then kicked Sora and he relinquished his grip on the Keyblade and fell in the lava, which would have burned him to death if it wasn't for his Firaga Bangle, which kept him alive. However, the lava still carried him a long ways downstream.

A LONG WAYS DOWNSTREAM…

* * *

Sora crawled out of the lava burnt, angry and naked, for Firaga Bangles don't protect your clothes. Sora cursed the sky in anger. Then, Galactose walked down to Sora and the world became FMV like once more. 

"Sora, do you feel anger, hatred and rage?" Galactose said. During the battle with Marluxia and Saix he had taken many scarring blows and his face was all disfigured. Sora nodded.

"I would do anything to kill the Organization and bring back Kairi," Sora said intensely. Galactose smiled.

"Your rage will bring you strength. The Nobodies don't have any feelings, they can't experience rage," Galactose said in a mentor-like way. Sora laughed.

"Ever fought Saix? Or Lexeaus?" Sora asked. Galactose smiled.

"What I mean is that natural emotion shall always triumph over synthetic feelings. That is why the Organization doesn't recognize the genius of my angsty songs o' doom," Galactose philosophized. Sora nodded. Galactose held out his hand. "Join me Sora, and we shall make all our dreams come to life! We shall end the reign of Nobodies and bring back feeling into the World that Never Was!"

Sora took the hand. Galactose pulled Sora up and gave him an awesomely bad$!& robe. Sora put it on. "Do I get a cool name?"

"You shall be," Galactose declared, "Lord Acerbus."

OVER DOWNSTREAM…

* * *

Meanwhile, Riku was completely unaware that his best friend had sworn allegiance to an evil mastermind. The Organization was just hanging out and waiting for Roxas to return so they let Riku do whatever he wanted as long as he didn't rebel. So he held a quick funeral for Kairi, polished his Keyblades, lost a game of cards to Luxord, and composed a symphony. He then got bored and decided to find out what his fate would be. 

"So am I going back to the pit or what?" Riku asked Larxene.

"Dunno, ask Xaldin," Larxene said. Riku really didn't want to. He had been watching Xaldin, he had had a conversation with Xemnas and then warped away and had come back with Vexen's chemistry set. Riku nervously walked over to Xaldin.

"Uh, what are you going to do with me?" Riku asked nervously. Xaldin was overseeing Vexen who seemed to be making a potion of some sort.

"Well, we were thinking about that for a while, and we decided that the simplest plan would be to turn you into a dog," Xaldin said. Riku raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth to speak but Vexen shoved a potion down his throat. Riku had a bizarre sensation of burning and then he was furry and had four legs. Funnily enough his fur was the same color as his hair.

"There were a million plans that you could have picked, why this one?" Riku said. Xaldin and Vexen cracked up laughing.

"You have no idea how funny it is to hear your voice coming from a Jack Russell Terrier," Vexen said while snickering. Xaldin straightened up.

"That was one of the reasons, also this way we don't have to feed fangirls. Best of all, you get to stick around and make dumb comments. Consider it your reward for not siding with Sora," Xaldin said. Riku opened his mouth but was interrupted by Roxas who had appeared behind him and picked him up.

"Awesome, we have a dog now!" Roxas said. Riku squirmed around.

"Leggo of me! This is disgraceful!" Riku barked. Roxas was amused.

"A dog that sounds a lot like Riku," Roxas mused. He turned to Xaldin. "I knocked Sora in the lava, he had a Firaga Bangle on but I bet he won't last long." Xaldin relayed the news to Xemnas who smiled.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the Organization," Xemnas started, "We did a full days work in these last few days. Let's go home."

* * *

Bonded: Liri, you have no idea how hard I have to work to keep you two off each other. So get the heck off him.

Drek: (Has a black eye)

Liri: (Has a bloody lip, nose, and black eye.)

Nobody Commander: Hey! I'm leaving.

Bonded: ...Well, there goes a lot of productivity.


	11. The Alert

This is to tell the three people who put alerts on this story and people who may have found this story to go click on my name and then find 'Tales of the Organization,' for it is much much better.

(Also so I can get some reviews)


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